Wound meets salt

" plz stop talking trash.."

do you think i don't understand your feelings right now? 

you were so wrong, i'm more sensitive than you consider i'd be. life and death, happiness and pain, there is just a very small gap between them.

have you ever known that the one i loved most passed away in a car accident and i was not able buy a ticket to fly over there at once to see his body for the last time, to be present in his funeral and to be anything in the fucking situation?

have you ever imagined a girl walking in the white line at the middle of high road to let the fate end her life, a girl was rendered unconscious and losing her mind existed like a wild crazy one of the world? everybody looked at her like a mad animal in the city.

have you ever thought how torturous it was being through the horrifying stage? i couldn't sleep fully for months, i supposed my eyes would be blind because of crying too much every single night, i supposed i wouldn't have any strength to move on my life anymore? have you ever known that i even was up to cut myself to suicide and hit my head against the wall to feel how the pang should be because i was too painful to sense anything else? have you ever known how much i sucked it up?

i nearly lost my mind and didn't know where was the light of hope to be strong and to live anymore. i wanted to follow him, i wanted to leave everything behind my back to think of only myself but i didn't dare to do something insane for the sake of my family. i didn't want them to feel the same grief i was getting.

i reckon i couldn't love anyone anew until i love you, until i used all my heart to love you once more time and i have to suck it up from time to time. you know what, i was scared to death as i'd been losing too much in my life. the more i love you, the more i get excruciatingly hurt.

amen, i cried my hell out because of being afraid, i' was afraid of losing you like him. and i even didn't recall his name anymore...i'm afraid the past would come and torment myself again. once i love you, i'm willing to close all the doors of the past and keep him to the bottom of my heart so that i could truly love you wholeheartedly as much as possible.

do you know that i've been being in affliction for you? you thought i couldn't get exactly how you were feeling about your grandpa's death? i myself am the one who gets it more clearly anyone else then i just wanted to share a part of your pain.

you want me to know everything while you never tell me anything about yourself.  how could i recognize your situation when you didn't tell me? who am i to you? a toy for fun? i'm not even a friend to know your stories? who am i in your heart? i'm not a saint, not a soothsayer to guess your feelings...have you ever thought for me for once?

i was stunned for a minute before realizing that i wasn't the one you really needed in your life. you might share your friends, others around you but it's never me which smashed me into pieces so badly. after him, i thought i could be stronger and give myself another chance to unlock my heart but you've destroyed all of my emotions now.

thanks for recalling my dirty secret and scar, i'm bursting into tears again and surely i can't sleep anymore all this night. for years, i'm sinking my teeth into discovering you but you never want me. this is just the last drop entering the glass to overflow.

he killed me and now you do...i'm weeping buckets and i swear this is the last time my eyes are flooded by pains and scars. no more love, no more tears.

trust me. i pass away too and am leaving! i'm a shell without a soul from this moment, just burn my heart into ashes in the end.

it's over.