Letter to July

Dear July,

Thanks for being freaking wonderful, unforgettable and miracle to me since you have granted my wish without other tough condition this time. I could possibly move on with a decent sort of man who is truly deeply and madly in love with me and treats me like a Queen, although the core of this relationship just comes from my huge crush on him back to those first days of July. 

It has been years for me not calling someone “boyfriend” or falling in love with nobody rather than Willian and to my belief, I would barely be able to get into someone else due to my intense emotions and absolutely waiting for him. Yet when it comes to the right time, I shall encounter the right person for my lifetime. This time, I do believe in my sixth sense and more importantly, I do believe in his love for me.

When I’m with him, the sense of peace and happiness fills in me even words are no longer necessary. The way he embraces me in his arm, the way he hold my hands tight, the way his warm fingers entwined with mine, the way he notices me from the little things, the way he kisses me gently, the way he reminds me always how much he is afraid of loosing me and the way he suddenly drags me into his arm from behind and tells me how much he loves me... He is already scored on my heart.

As his messages frequently arrive in my inbox, I am sometimes unconscious of what is happening to me and begin to wonder if it is true that I have eventually found someone loving me this much because I have not believed he is mine now, just like a dream that I would never wish to wake up. Well, maybe it’s just because I have not been in a genuine relationship for so long that I entirely forget being loved by someone special.  

I must admit that I am indeed happy and sometimes overwhelmed with his love and concern towards me that makes me into someone I couldn’t imagine before. I am grateful for meeting him again, getting close to him and gradually loving and being loved by him since our secondary school. Well, if something is bound to happen, it will happen. Right time, right person and for the right reason :)

Time passes by and it has been nine years for us to jump on this level lolz~ Owning to his first letter in his name, I call him Pluto as a cute nickname and also remark this memorable event within the month. US spacecraft reaches Pluto after 9-year voyage while we also spend 9-year journey to reunite by chance and truly fall in love with each other. I guess it is called destiny, resembling the Pluto’s case. Ha, there is a bright heart shape on the planet that means regardless of the name “Pluto” defining “the hell” in Greek, it also has a heart :’) Okay, I’m not good at explaining but Pluto seems to fix him very well haha

“Hello Pluto, after 9 years and 3 billion miles, we finally meet our far-flung cosmic cousin.” Said by Miriam Kramer.

“Hello Pluto, after 9 years and 3 billion miles, we finally meet our far-flung cosmic genuine destiny.” Said by Hallie 

I promise I will cherish this man and wholeheartedly love him back as much as he does. Thank you again, July! For turning my last summer in an awesome and unpredictable way :)

Goodbye July with much love and kisses,

Hal

PS: Happy birthday to Harry Potter – the boy who lives on my heart all the time, brings magical world to my childhood back then, helps me become a better person thanks to encounters with amazing friends from the virtual world to real life. 

Happy birthday to Mike – the close friend who died but is still alive… Miss him so!

Is it just another crush?

"Do you ever think, when you're all alone 

All that we can be, Where this thing can go 

Am I crazy or falling in love 

Is it really just another crush "

I listened to the song on the loop for hours subsequent to an intimate night with him on the beach on his birthday. It has been such a long period of time I have nothing to do with any sort of dates or relationship just because I am indeed satisfied with me being on my own, creating happiness without getting based on someone special, spending much time with Kat and the gang and beyond all, I don't have to show so much excessive in someone that pay less attention on myself. 

I guess I have a crush on someone for now, though. Well, this is the first time I find my situation seem to be put in the very song "Crush" by David Archuleta since each of the lyric is running through me like singing out loud what I am experiencing. There are something more than the phrase "just friends" between us while hanging out together as observing on his behaviours towards me and the way he talks to me. 

Honestly, I am confused and contradictory. Half of me tells me to hold back no matter what the hell is going on with me or any ideas involved in dates come across over my mind, since I'm not ready to get on a roller coaster of emotions again. In contrast, another runs to him and I do wanna be with him as much as possible. I love the way he cracks me up, the way he cheers me up when I'm not alright, the way he soothes me, the way he tells me a bunch of stories mostly about his world, and especially the way he opens his heart to me, unlike the way I block all of his ways into my heart right from the beginning :)

I wonder whether this complicated relationship is healthy and right but I have no option other than regarding it as a crush for I still need a commitment, not being taken for granted that I am someone special to him. I am not interested in that unamenable tag :) 

*sigh* I dunno! Everything is so fresh and strange to me now. Like I've been alone for so long that I forget how to deal with a guy on a date, what to sort out types of relationships and how to take the wheel in any circumstance. Okay, my words seem confusing too~ I shouldn't write more!

Love,

Hal

PS: Lâu rồi mới nghe lại nhạc của anh David bé :x Vẫn yêu đương như ngày nào vì bài nào cũng hay. Nhưng đây là lần đầu tiên nghe bài Crush, sau vài trăm ngàn lần nghe trước đây, mà lại thấy nó liên quan với hiểu lyric tới zị =))) Thiệt chớ, hôm nay là ngày 23 :))

[Book] "Me before you"

I have just been at the last pages of the book “Me before you” by Jojo Moyes after a considerable amount of time delaying for the loss of my phone. I can’t believe that I could possibly stick to such an ebook with its length is approximately over 900 pages. If I was at the age of twelve back then, it is possible for me to read such thick books. However, the fact that the twenty two me seems keen on watching dramas rather than lying all day on the bed, focusing on every inch of tiny words on the phone to read a book. This book is probably an exception, at least, has become the thickest book I have ever read in recent time. Shame on me due to my lethargy! 

The plot was about a carer - Louisa, spending her six months around a disabled baron called Will as a job in order to take care of him and manage other household chores, well it should be “castle-hold”. Step by step, they came to fall in love with each other. This love was uncommon at all since he was incapable of doing what an ordinary man might do to her. Yet he changed her points of view about life and eventually gave her a priceless gift which was freedom and a life that she should have granted herself before. 

At the final scene of the book, Louisa was at a cafeteria in Paris, France, reading the testament by Will who had concerned her in the very last moments of life. For some reasons, I found my heart tight and my eyes filled with tears. Perhaps each splitting fragment of memories in a sudden moment washed over me and swamped me up with suffocating senses of loss for its bloody similarity.

Well, my former paramour, who would dedicate his whole life to me, even in the last breath, I bet he did expect me to possess the life that I should have perfectly deserve sooner, dreadfully passed away in Paris back to the December in 2011 :) It was the most unpleasant memory that I guess it must take me lifetime to forget…like Louisa does. 

Paris is also the destination where I am eager to set my foot first once I get a chance to the Western World because it is the one I would like to open another chapter of my life, set an entire fresh start or even write a new book about me. Somehow, as being on these final pages, I could easily put myself into Louisa’s shoes, feeling inches by inches of what she was experiencing and I did sympathy with her which was the reason for my almost tears. I am not kind of maudlin nowadays but the ending touched the depth in me which brought the weakness and sentiment out of me. Having read the letter of Will, I sensed the urge to move on and live to the fullest for those words coming out were just like the courageous that my lover used to say…okay okay I’m beginning to get deeper into the painful memories regardless of the fact that they were genuinely beautiful and unforgettable. 

All in all, it is a good book. Well, mostly about the power of love that goes beyond the unusual situations and even the gap between the rich and the poor (actually it is around the middle, not really poor :3 according to the book). Aniweiiii, I’d better distance myself from sort of tear-jerkers so that it won’t haunt me and have me travel back to the past, dwelling there and getting sunk in the sea of grieves. God, it was fucking difficult to get through…please don’t bring it up!! 

No matter what, I still have one life to live, thus keep living…remember, “live” not “survive” until the day I can send the statement “Cheri, je me fais du bien et je profite de la vie :D” to the heaven because to my belief, he is always there watching over me :p

Time to sleep tight and have a nice dream. 

Peace,

xoxo

Hal

PS: It's 1:41 am -_- Khiếp đảm thật =))) Mami mà thức dậy giờ này là có đứa ăn đòn hihu

Sea Festival '15

Dammit! I have just missed the third firework performance within the year, giving me the immense sadness that none of others may understand thoroughly :((( I am super-duper interested in watching firework displays no matter how many times I have been done annually at the beginning of each time.

Owing to the inauguration of "Sea Festival 2015" with the theme "Peace and Creation" in Nha Trang, I should have got another chance to watch the fireworks tonight on the beach together with my friends. In actuality, we did come to the beach to get involved in the big event, but the freaking scorching hot atmosphere along with a bunch of disorderly crowds that we almost got lost.

It was unbearable to keep pushing my way through the crowd, standing there and breathing in strong smells of people -_- Then I asked Kat to leave as soon as possible to get some rare fresh air out of the August 2nd Square and neighbouring areas. That's why I was at home around 8h30 and of course, I missed the fireworks at 9h30 :(

Feeling so low that no one on facebook right now has the power to lift me up although my best friend is attempting to tease me by his jokes for a while *sigh* Listening to the sound of explosive pyrotechnic from home, I just wanted cry over the third time I had missed. How sad it was!

Turn back to read my book and have a tight sleep! Yeah, it's festival and I can't be a part of it although I myself am a local person in reality while tourists have to pay higher prices than usual, finding all the ways to come here for the festival's sake :((( How ironic of the situation!

Bye,

Hal

090715

It's finally raining after countless boiling hot days in Nha Trang, cooling down the temperature in extreme owning to influence from the storm in Philippines. As a matter of fact, I detest rain heaps...not like any kind of dreamy girls who would fancy that rain often goes along with romance and upbeat mood, triggering the pleasurable source of inspiration for poetries and composers blah blah~

Anyway, in this case, I must be grateful for the rain since the heat of Nha Trang within a few of previous days had driven me mad and nearly sick for being beyond my endurance. Honestly, I had to take a shower multiple times per day but my body kept sweating all the time which pissed me off =.="

"Sea festival" is getting raised on July 11th, thus all the main streets were blocked yesterday for the rehearsal. Hopefully these rainy days will not change the plan although I am surely not going to participate in the event for jostling in huge crowds of both local people and tourists flocking to the August 2rd Square on the beach. If it has the firework perfomance, I'll change my mind at the final minutes. Who knows!

Okay, back to my half-done reading :') 

Bai bai

Hal

Bé Sammy :x

Bạn nói thật là sáng nay bạn đi trại trẻ mồ côi từ sáng sớm, ngồi xe rất mệt nhưng bạn rất vui. Trên đường về bạn ngồi xe cũng cảm xúc dâng trào dễ sợ và bạn nghĩ rằng lúc về nhà bạn sẽ viết một post thật dài và đẫm nước mắt vì bạn rất nhiều cảm xúc. 

Nhưng thật sự hiện tại thì cảm xúc dạt dào đó của bạn lúc này không còn nữa vì bạn nói thật là bạn vừa mới mua điện thoại nên bao nhiêu dâng trào ban chiều hết mất tiêu rồi =)) Nên cái entry này tập trung vào chuyện mua điện thoại của bạn nhé =.=" 

Chiều nay lúc đi về trời mưa tầm tã vô cớ gì đâu trong khi bữa giờ nóng như thiêu như đốt. Dự làm điềm lành chăng, thế mà lúc về đi mua điện thoại mà tất cả các cửa hàng Thế Giới Di Động hết trơn luôn. Xong kiểu đang không vui rồi thì Phúc nt bảo chở đi mua nhoé :') Mà cuối cùng đi lòng vòng cũng toàn hết xong rồi đi vào FPT thì lại có xD Chiếc cuối cùng còn sót lại nha =)))

Vầng, để em bé mới không bị kì thị thì hôm nay má Hal sẽ viết một lá thư ngọt ngào tặng bé Sam và cũng để là remind tới bài viết về bé Norah cách đây 2 năm về trước :'(

================
Nai Sammy babe :x

Để có được con hôm nay má phải đánh đổi rất nhiều thứ amazing cho cái summer break cuối đời sanh viên của má. Tức là má không được đi du lịch, toàn bộ tiền học bổng má đều đổ hết vào cho sự ra đời của con, má cũng mất cả hơn nửa tháng đắn đo suy nghĩ lựa chọn rất kĩ càng, sau vài chục lần thay đổi ý kiến xoành xoạch như vũ bão, rồi má cũng phải đi lục tung cái thành phố Nha Trang và phút chót mà đã cố gắng đến trầy trật mới cho con ra đời vào đúng ngày Song Thất 7.7 để con được may mắn.

7.7 cách đây vài năm là ngày chiếu phần cuối cùng của Harry Potter, kết thúc 7 quyển sách sau 7 năm viết sách của tác giả và mà cũng muốn nói với con là con cũng là Sammy cuối cùng còn sót lại ở Nha Trang trong ngày hôm nay. Má không nói điêu! Bởi vậy nên má nghĩ con rất là có ý nghĩa với má. Không những vì con đáng giá (mất hết cha nó tiền học bổng của tuôi rồi còn không đáng giá nữa à :-< ) mà vì để có được con nó thặc là khủng khiếp... hèn chi thời tiết lóng rày nóng như điên, khô hạn kéo dài mà đùng phát trưa nay trời mưa đó con :|

Hôm nay có con, bỗng dưng má buồn...lật lại entry ngày 22/1/2013 đọc lại mấy dòng lúc má mới rinh chị Norah của con về má cũng vui vẻ, tưng tiu yêu thương và viết một lá thư dài cả ngàn cây số. Ai ngờ bây giờ đã tiễn chị ấy về tay kẻ lạ, con bây giờ đã thành con má dù là má đang thấy hoàn toàn xa lạ với con nhưng má hứa sẽ giữ gìn con thật là cẩn thận.

Giang hồ hiểm ác nói con rất đỏng đảnh, không có sức mạnh trâu bò như chị Norah của con. Nhỡ tay làm con đau một phát là con sẽ nằm liệt ra ăn vạ và khiến mami lòng đau như cắt nước mắt đầm đìa ngay LOL Má chưa biết con đỏng đảnh tới mức nào, cũng không biết bản thân có yêu chiều nâng niu con được nổi hay không nhưng má hứa má sẽ cố gắng hết sức để con không bị sức mẻ miếng nào.

Vậy cho nên con cũng phải thương yêu má mà ngoan ngoãn đừng làm má bực nha con :)) Vì má bực má rất đáng sợ í. hihi~

Case cho con má lựa hình ảnh xinh đẹp rồi, mai má mới order cho người ta làm :3 Nên con cứ từ từ ~ Ngày tháng iêu đương của chúng mình còn dài vô hạn :') Welcome đến Sugar Town của má :x Má hứa sẽ đối xử rất tốt với con vì má yêu con nồng nàn *chụt chụt*

Má van con, đừng nhào vào tay kẻ lạ như 2 đứa trước nữa nha =.= Nếu không chắc má chớt thiệt đó con ơi :((((

Yêu Sammy baby,

*Hun tha thiết*

xoxo

Hal

[...]

I am supposed to fall into a safe and sound slumber at the moment since I must wake up early tomorrow for the trip to a local orphanage where I have not visited for a while. Yet there are some kind of emotional disorder, definitely in the figurative sense, beating myself up for the sense of current satisfaction, entire numbness and even the hatred towards myself for some uncertain reasons that I guess writing something is the best way to calm me down and give me the least relief although it is clearly just the mere self-illusion that I am attempting to deceive myself while the mind is all conscious what is going on. Damn it!

Thinking is indeed the most unhealthy thing in the world. The more I ponder over matters, the more I grow stuck right in the freaking mind of which I presumably keep the whole control, not vice versa like it is happening right now. Thoughts, anxiety, fear and the fucking disgusting sense of inferiority complex are flooding over me, pushing me against the dead limit inside me, suffocating me and making me completely overwhelmed by the most negative ideas in the world.

Well, don't ask me what's wrong because there is nothing wrong. That's me being the only problem with every single person and thing surroundings me. I have no idea how to just take those things for granted that they are meant to be good, to be the sweet fruits coming from the good seeds by nature. But what if the good seeds can't produce the same quality as what I sowed. Is it just weird or am I not good enough?

Truth to be told, I am not a good person in the first place and most of my right-doings are incapable of making up for all the wrongdoings originating in the core that is the inner self running through me :) But like it or not, tis who I am.

Sorry for this mess again. Yet I'd rather write for myself than serve all the readers which is not the genuine purpose of the blog right from the beginning :D Time to hit the hay, dear!

Night

Hal

~*~*~*~

11:28 pm

Vừa mới ngồi đọc lại mấy entry cũ trong blog này, cách đây mấy năm về trước. Tự nhiên mỉm cười, cười cho cái sự ngô nghê của mình, cười cho cái lối viết blog cũng nhí nhố và trẻ con cực, cười cho cái sự yêu đương mãnh liệt, tức giận buồn ghét gì cũng đều rất mãnh liệt và hết mình :) Mình thích thế. Cảm xúc với mọi thứ đều rõ ràng, đều sống hết mình đều rất đáng trân trọng...chứ chẳng như bây giờ.

Những bài viết gần đây cũng mình toàn là sợ hãi, toàn là lo âu, toàn là suy nghĩ chính chắn, toàn là không ổn định, toàn là cảm thấy "numb", toàn là quá nhiều suy nghĩ rồi dẫn đến trầm uất. Cứ như con tự kỉ không bằng. Lại cũng chẳng muốn nói năng gì với ai. Ôi mới có vài năm thôi mà. Thế này thì hết halicious mất rồi =)))

Mấy lần định đóng blog này để lập blog mới vì blog này có quá nhiều chuyện yêu đương, chuyện khóc lóc đủ các kiểu, cả sến rện cũng có nhé nên là có hơi ngại :)) Nhưng thôi giờ cứ để, sau này có người yêu sẽ gửi cho người yêu đọc :v Chắc là buồn cười lắm. Mình đọc còn thấy buồn cười đây :')

Ừ thì đã từng ngu dại, mù quáng làm nhiều chuyện điên rồ nhưng chung quy thì vẫn là Hallie như thế này thôi :) Tỏ ra thế này thế khác làm gì. Cool làm gì, hay ho làm gì? Giả tạo cả thôi, nhỉ?!

Như mình đã nói ở trên, blog này được tạo ra để phục vụ mình, viết cho mình, save memories cho mình, để khiến mình relieved chứ không phải như đa số blogger khác là để phục vụ cho người khác đọc. Thành ra mình cũng chẳng quan tâm lắm đánh giá của người khác :p

Thôi ngủ, mai còn đi sớm!

Dad's ankle sprain

It is unfortunate that my father stumbled and sprained his ankle this morning as the time he had reached to edge of the beach, stepping out the thin line of water and sand, somehow tripping in a sudden and having to struggle all the way, dragging his body I mean, back home with some kind stranger. 

To my relief, it was not a serious injure and by the time he had been home, I applied an ice-bag to the right ankle in order to lessen the swollen one. I sensed, out of nowhere at the time, the age and the weakness of my father which I had never previously noticed for the subjective thoughts that he was still a superhero of me through the years and would hardly get into any trouble due to the fact that while I'm with him, he constantly remains himself in a best form and reminds me of how strong he is.

However, this little accident today was like the bell ringing in my head, making me conscious of his real age and what may occur to him at the most vulnerable final periods of time. Honestly, I am not interested in digging further into the subject because it is strongly not recommend to ever either think or refer to bad fortune, yet it's just like I can't hold my breath if someday he would accidentally leave me all alone in this cold and cheerless world which is the experience that I'd formerly experience in agony and it took me a considerable span of time to get through over one of the most important beloved people in my life. Then came other several deaths...That's the reason why I am all aware of how exactly the thin line between life and death is, not like the equivocal concept that others may assume its existence only in romantic novels or movies to reach the deepest sentimental parts of their audience, and certainly, gaining more influence on them.

Back to the point, his sprain is getting much better thanks to the cold compress so far. Though his locomotion at the moment seems a little bit difficult without assistance of either me or my mother. What an off-day! I must admit this month, or the whole year to me, appears to be the worst time in comparison with the recent years around. Well, it is apparently clear that thanks to the mercy of God's protection, nothing indeed awful has poured down on my most cherished family. 

I'm quite grateful for this blessing in disguise :)

Hallielujah.

xoxo

Hal  

A long ramble for the first of July

I couldn't help but notice that summer has graced Nha Trang by the scorching heat in the air which is indeed annoying to not only me but also to all of dwellers in the town. It is understandable since Vietnam merely consists of a couple of seasons as a matter of fact, summer is the most concise way to describe the current season due to the fact that yeah, I'm in the last summer break of a student's life.

To remark and enjoy the final summer break to the fullest, I should have drawn up a specific plan in details, particularly traveling to some places and spending my scholarship award for the straight A student in consideration. However, the pre-summer break hit me with a sudden slap for being pickpocketed the smartphone Norah that I had bought over a year, culminated in the whole savings pouring out for a new one. From the ideas of a nice trip to somewhere else but remaining in the city during the summer, to expectations of buying my parents and beloved ones good presents and treating myself something refresh after a long semester at school, they all have failed completely in fact, leaving me the great regret of the former smartphone that I had been used to it, and the resentment for the rest of the month. 

It was sombre right from the beginning of the summer, in addition to the sultry climate which almost caused me to behave more aggressive and worn-out than ever. It is like I am stuck here, in this condition with the loss of several stuffs since the January, struggling to feel better although the temperature seems increasingly against me, putting all the ideal plans that I set up behind and certainly there is no penny left in my pocket to fulfill the intention of surprising my beloved ones by gifts *frown*

Yes, I am ranting a little bit...just a little because at least, I have already discovered the refresh delight to enjoy my summer by my own, regardless of the lack of light-hearted encounters and dates with my best friends in Saigon city as we had promised. 

It comes back to the summertime when I was little, I'd fancy reclining on the relaxed chair in the garden in the afternoon, reading some good books, having myself a cup of iced coconut for refreshment, getting the fresh air and cool whirlwind and of course, felling into a deep and peaceful slumber out of the blue if necessary. Neither my parents nor any matters backwards would bother me at the time, unless mother called me for the lunch lolz~ In the afternoon, I'd hang out with daddy along the beach to take an airing, if convenient, we'd swim and at night, I'd start to write fictions, set my imagination free flying further than the reality and immerse myself into the world that I created. Sounds daydream, eh? Yet it is exactly how my summer days are running ~

Could my life keep running in this way eternally, I would be the happiest girl in the world, sensing the exact heaven on the Earth ha ha~ Honestly I am going to have some voluntary jobs soon, despite its tiny wage, hopefully it will assist in my family finance somewhat and also give me more meaning in the summer. 

Books are my only besties in recent times because I am not energetic enough to follow another super-duper long drama from dawn to dusk. Reading and writing seem to be the good options, and learning Ielts for the test around next year when I graduate from university. I wonder where I will live and work after the graduation, how much I will be able to earn in the first months officially having a job or whether I will be unemployed and become such a burden to my parents as usual. Well, I am not a good daughter at all, giving them nothing but useless certificates of merit and meaningless degrees without earning a bunch of money to treat them a genuine journey through twenty three years passing by. 

Oh the first post of July contains a huge amount of words, mostly complaints and anxiety over the future haha it is no big deal in comparison with the first greeting to New Years at three a.m in tears on account of getting perfectly aware of the loss of everything between Willian and me. It sounds foolish and lame but I must admit the truth in order to remind me of the ugly past and how weakness and blindness used to take the hold of my life. That's the reason why after multiple times considering the closure of the blog, I decided to continue with this one in spite of the unbeautiful things in the past about me within :') 

Out of the point again lol I don't know what I am typing so far since words and thoughts are coming out of my mind, turning into words in the post. I am sorry for having the start of July in a mess of complicated thoughts that I have no idea how to control them. I'd better put an end right away.

July, please be the last beautiful summer to me because next time, when I meet you again, I'd probably become a white collar and work my ass off through the summer :( I am no longer the girl sitting right here, typing these words to grace you with overwhelming state of mind. I'm afraid!

Kiss to July!

xoxo

Hal