31082012

Hôm nay mưa quá, nếu hồi chiều mình không hoãn lại cuộc hẹn đi uống beer với anh James thì chắc là mình đã không bị mắc mưa. 

Chạy xe đạp đường biển, vừa mới ăn kem xong lại gió vù vù, mưa ở đâu trút xuống như thác quất bôm bốp vào mặt lạnh quá chịu không nổi. Lái xe mà cả thân rung lên bần bật, mắt thì xót vì nước ướt dầm ướt dề chẳng thấy đường mà lái xe nữa. Nói chung là mình trong tình trạng ướt như chuột lột, tóc tai ướt nhèm nhẹp thảm thê như không còn gì nữa để tả.

Tại sao lúc tâm trạng buồn đi tắm mưa thì lại không cảm thấy lạnh nhỉ? Còn những lúc tâm trạng mình đang phơi phới khùng điên tưng tửng thì lại thấy lạnh tái tê thấu xương luôn =] Cả sao dân tình lại cứ thích mưa nhỉ, nhà thơ nhà văn blah blah toàn đem mưa ra miêu tả các câu chuyện lãng mạn. 

Còn mình vốn ghét mưa từ bé, nên mình thích nắng, thích mấy thứ sáng lóng lánh lung linh ấm áp nên chuyện tình của mình nhất định phải gắn liền với nắng =] Thành ra sau này dù có date thế nào nhưng chỉ cần mưa một cái thì có hẹn với tổng thống cũng phải cancel :-j

Về đến nhà đã thấy maman, trông cái nhìn đấy thì chắc maman phải nghĩ mình bị thất tình hay gì rồi vì thấy mình im lặng không nói gì bỏ vào phòng. Thật ra là do mình lạnh quá mất cả cảm giác nên chẳng cười được hay nói được câu nào, răng cỏ cũng bận va vào nhau cầm cậm thì nói năng được gì nữa mà tâm với trạng.

Xong đâu đấy, lên giường quấn chăn ôm con Willy nằm nghe nhạc của Yiruma rồi đùng một cái nhận phone của James thế là hai anh em ngồi tâm sự loài chim biển *cười lăn lộn* 

Dù sao thì mai mình cũng sẽ đi uống beer với anh ở Louisanne ngoài biển rồi nói chuyện niên thiếu =] Mình nghĩ là mình đã rõ ràng chuyện tình cảm với anh rồi, mình cũng nghĩ anh sẽ không nhì nhằng gì nữa. 

Nhưng rõ ràng là anh vẫn ấm ức *cười* khi anh hỏi mình là " How couldn't you be one of the girls chasing me?" nên mình bảo là "If I were one of them, you'd never have wanted me to be your gf. See, you don't love me, just wanna conquer me. That's all"

Nói chung là đôi khi mình vẫn cảm thấy anh thật sự là nghiêm túc nhất với mình trong số tất cả những bạn trẻ gần đây muốn mình làm gf, nhưng mình thì vẫn muốn mọi việc được easy một chút. Thành ra ngày mai đi chơi không biết sẽ nói gì, sẽ blah blah ra sao nhưng mình sẽ deal with it cho đúng thủ tục. 

Anyway, I owe him a lot. Lately, he is helping me French heaps and sometimes I can't keep up with his languages. Just like my little Chip, he speaks English, then jumps back to Vietnamese and "starts our lesson" in French out of nowhere which causes me to be dumbfounded right off.

Nên gần đây mình có thể nghe và linh tinh được vài thứ nhiều cũng do anh. Nhưng mà sao nhỉ, anh thật sự chính là mẫu người mà hồi bé mình vẫn mơ. Là hoàng tử Charming đúng điệu, chỉ có điều là mình không thích cái sự nghiệp giang sơn gái gú của anh thôi và quan trọng nhất là mình thương anh đúng nghĩa của một đứa nhóc con thương anh trai của mình -.-

Đôi khi mình thấy rất là đáng sợ với gã Lady Killer này cho nên mình không hiểu lão nghĩ mình là gì trong đáng gái đẹp của lão *cười to* chắc chỉ đáng xách dép cho mấy nàng :-j hay là anh vẫn thích đùa :D

...

Lúc nãy nói đt mình không nói nhiều vì mình thật sự mệt, hắt hơi cả lạnh cóng trong người. Chưa biết mai có bệnh gì không nữa nên mình mới muốn cúp đt sớm để đi nghỉ. Mình không muốn nghĩ nhiều thật, mình cũng không vui với những chuyện như vậy. Vì trước giờ vì những chuyện như vậy khiến mình mất bạn, mất cả tình anh em kết nghĩa, chuyện gì cũng không ổn hết.

Thật lòng mình chẳng muốn ai nói rằng mình "attractive" hay bảo rằng mình đào hoa này nọ khi xếp lịch đi chơi cứ như đi chạy show :| Chẳng qua là mình nói chuyện hợp với con trai, mình có thể nhiều chuyện, có thể khùng điên và open hoàn toàn mà không sợ bị xét nét đáng giá nên mình thích. Thế thôi.

About love stories, I just covet to love and to be loved by only one person in this world, the one that I can find out myself when I'm with him. 

...

Trời lại mưa to, mưa đến nỗi âm thanh của nó cũng to khiến mình nhức hết cả đầu. Cầu Buddha phù hộ cho con bình anh khỏe mạnh, nhảy mũi liên tục như này T_T Sợ mai dậy không nổi, ốm la liệt thì lết đi đâu được. Mai mình còn nhiều thứ phải làm lắm trời ạ!

Hình như mình đang lạm dụng blog thay cho diary thì phải, thôi kệ viết đâu cũng được. Mấy nay mình lười viết tay, dù gì gõ máy cũng nhanh gọn nhẹ hơn =) nên viết bừa, tùy hứng. Có cảm giác mình viết tiếng Việt ngày càng không ra gì, câu cú thì bừa bãi lủng củng chứ chẳng có đa cảm sầu não như Eng. Chả biết, nói chung là do dạo này tiếp xúc quá nhiều cả các đối tượng ko xài Vietnamese all the time trừ papa và maman của mình ra cho nên thành ra là bị loạn não :|

Đi ngủ!!!

- Hal

Spoby *bisous*

This image - Toby in that black hoodie has been preying upon my mind since yesterday. I can't believe it and I NEVER ever believe that Toby is in - A team for real.

Oh my God, Spencer and Toby were to me goddam adorable. They are such a perfect couple I've ever known. Spencer is always my favorite one who is brave,  vivacious, intelligent and very good at many many ways during this drama. 

How could it be?

No way. I was greatly pissed off and nearly sobbing after the whole damn events happening within "Pretty little liars" season 3, episode 12. Because I've been watching this drama from the beginning and I plainly know that how many stages between them to take them as a hot couple today and I could feel every step they moved...

And I never doubt Toby has bad intentions, in my own theory, he is just pretending to join - A team to protect his girl and whatever I've watched is simply the way to distract audience on purpose by director. Hopefully.

Sometimes I'm too emotional to remember that's just a drama. Well, I used to weep bitterly after reading over the right chapter of "Harry Potter" telling about Dumbledore's death. And I'd cried myself out as my M.U team had been beaten or even it happened after I'd suddenly read a tragic novel.

It sounds weird, right? yup, because I'm very sensitive and rather sentimental =] Yet it's different now, instead letting tears drop, I often get angry easily and spend my time for fancy and thoughts more than feeling sorry or crying with characters ='p

Though this episode is too much >.< I can't accept it and I tell myself no watch ing the next and the next ones if Toby is indeed in -A team. How cruel the director is if he wants to smash my favorite couple and plunge my pretty Spencer into a tragedy of love for real after letting Toby and Spencer have sex together :|

( oh God, I almost moved my eyes away from my laptop's screen for this scene. Frankly I feel slightly not easy to see those hot scenes, and this time, to Spoby, it'd better to watch them kissing and doing blah blah more than Aria and Enzra do -.- I hate this couple the most and of course, I detest Aria. The fact that I'm so in love with the "-A is Aria" supposition  =] )

If only I could hold back my desire for watching the newest episode on TV in US, actually I've just downloaded ep.10 vietsub so it means I must watch ep.12 in English perfectly T_T How stupid! that's the reason why I know the truth sooner  than I should do =] Anyway, sooner or later it is the same, the difference is my anger would explode after a few days in fact hak.

*sigh* My desktop background is "Spencer and Toby" wallpaper :x and I don't wanna change it for any stupid reason *stamping my feet*

they are beautiful to me <3

"Toby: I love you 

Spencer: I wanted to say that first" 

"Spencer: Shutting you out is killing me"

"Toby: Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done"

....

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! tell me why why why WHY WHY WHY?????? @.@ is he really? Toby :( I'm way more upset than I should be right now.

- Hal

PS: sự thật là càng xem mấy thể loại này, mình càng thấy mình đê tiện :| mặt mình lúc nào cũng đỏ như gấc khi thấy mấy cảnh hun hít blah blah các thể loại, mình hông có được bt như xem phim Hàn Quốc =] và sự thật phũ phàng là hình như mình chưa có chấp nhận được là mình đã over 18+ và mình có quyền hoàn toàn bình thường khi xem mấy cảnh "sensitive" of US =] thôi nói chung là mình không muốn Spoby của mình bị break :(

The stranger and friends

imma go outta the city for a couple days on tuesday to hcmc so as to complete the procedure. it'd better to return to my city as soon as it's over, though i'd like to stay within few more days to meet friends i need to say farewell.

not many friends know this, i'm sorry for concealing them everything due to the fact that i don't actually have much time to manage all of appointments with every single friends with whom i've ever dealt and not everything has to be good to reveal.

maybe beneath others' eyes, that there are loads of friends around me is so lucky that i ought to be proud of sometimes. nevertheless, my real friends are even less than five fingers of a hand in fact.

likely i'm becoming a stranger to my friends now. i have no idea about this problem but i don't care anymore. perhaps my life is such a terrible mess and i can't have enough time to cope with it, either. perhaps because i'm too fed up with myself and my own life to concern others' problems. 

to be perfectly honest, the truth is i'm tired in general. you know what, i can't bring this tired person with an empty mind to sit and talk to my friends about their lives, about love stories, about what's goin' on, about their sorrows. 

what's more, i'm not in full possession of my senses to give them advice, support them and try to understand and put myself into their shoes so that i would be optimistic, smile up and give them another light of hope as the way they expect from me.

i'm sorry for that.

on the other hand, i don't want to confide or whine anything about myself, either. because i suppose it is impossible for them to help me while they have already  had troubles and others in their lives. hence, i shut myself out eventually.

and this time, for the trip to hcmc, i only let very few friends know about my coming back and i'd arrange my time to meet them surely.

i'm making an excuse to everyone out there but they might not really care about it, sure enough. and to friends who read over this blog, i know that you won't mind much about this entry because it ain't for you ='D you definitely understand it.

as the fact that since you were lucky *laughing out loud* to know its existence, you've got a firm  position in my heart and you are my closest friends :) my matters or yours are the same, we do concern because we made a vow we'd be friends forever through the ups and downs of existence.

at the present, some probably hate me, others may get away from me as my silence recently makes them bored to death. they love the old one who is talkative, impartial, sense of humor, optimistic with positive thoughts and bright smiles all the time to support, courage and make their days as their wishes. 

sorry but i'm not a doll. i'm a human and i have my own sensation, too. my life has sorrows, matters and blah blah things to settle. it's not always as happy and lucky as you see hak lolz~

and through this tough stage i'm facing at the moment, i only wish to deal with my friends, my close and real ones because they can walk along with me. they don't talk much, don't say sorry for me, don't only know abt themselves, don't ask to hear my problems for fun =] 

so that's why i'm becoming stranger to everybody.

- Hal

Love

last night, i seemed to burn up all night until 4 am or more for listening to my playlist, crying, feeling exhausted, crying, thinking, hugging my willy bear, thinking and thinking and crying over and over again...the more i kept thinking, the more my tears were flooded my pillow. it hurt me so badly indeed.

to be honest, i was quite sleepy, worn out for the sake of thinking and weeping; my mind truly needed to fall into sweet dreams as my wish but i somehow couldn't keep myself from thinking about what he had talked to me, about my future and about the present.

love. suppose that i've done with it from yesterday, it's not about my mind anymore. because i fucking love him so i don't want to consider again. i shall wait even though it would be in vain in the end, who knows; this is love anyway and once you're in love, you shouldn't use your brain to decide if it would take you back benefits or not. 

although i actually don't know what i ought to label this relationship. he is not my boyfriend now, at least during this long tough stage, not lover or summat. we are not in relationship actually. we are not strangers, either. he is simply the most significant person in my entire life who has gone along together with me through the long road so far and i'm wondering whether or not it may keep lasting on the way to the future. truly it's impossible to foresee because who knows the future.

if it has been done, because i want to stop considering or making choices again. it is enough. neither advices nor preventers really work for me any longer, as the person who understands my heart the most is only me-myself-and-i, not someone else. have they ever been in this case? could they really do what they are advising me? i don't blame on them on purpose, they worry and care for me when they said those words. i do appreciate it :) it means to me heaps.

and it can't be any plainer than the fact that i have been through a long distance relationship to know that it won't work for me. besides, i awake this is not the first time i'm in love with someone who is outta this country. not only love but also closest friends. 

well, i'm under the impression occasionally that my beloved people frequently tend to desert me by one way or another. it's simply my fate and i must pay it at any rate if i do believe in a worth ending for whatever i've been suffering. 

many times i get so lost and lonely here that i only reckon i could throw everything away and leave the sweet memories behind to move on my current life, to love another next to me, to be loved and do what a real couple should be.

yes, i tried and failed. the hardest for me to treat others is hurting and cheating them. as a matter of fact, i did break a few guys' hearts which causes me to feel uneasy each time i meet them again out of sudden on the streets for i have already known that an apology doesn't make sense at all.

do you have any reason to stop me once more time? yup, i used to doubt that i didn't love him and this strong sensation wouldn't have been cut clearly to declare i completely love him wholeheartedly if silence and distance had not scared and broken me into pieces so brutally like that.

sounds painful, eh? if it was a few years ago, i'd be complain and give up on him very easily due to the fact that i'm not the sort of patience and how much i hate having something unclear and complicated in my life. i don't wanna deal with problems. i swear. strangely enough, it is simply different right now.

maybe tomorrow is another day for real, maybe this complicated relationship makes us safe in our own world. i don't care what his troubles are and neither does he. we are only available when we are in need, that's enough.

frankly i don't care whether he loves me or not, whether i love him or not, whether we have a future. that doesn't matter to me, at least it's correct this time. 

as long as i love him, as long as my heart still skips a beat when his images come to my mind, as long as i see the peace when i think of him, as long as...yup, as long as my life has him, it's right evermore :) mon chér!

at last but not least, i'm not on the rebound or summat *giggling*. i'm straight indeed. and the song ain't about me nor my love story at all but this sentence:

một lần yêu ai đó, em sẽ cố yêu cho trọn đời

just be moved to tears by the new album of pham quynh anh, it got me to look back everything to recognize what a true love is. that's all.

- Hal

Có phải?

có phải mình lèm bèm nhiều điều ngớ ngẩn quá?

có phải mình ưa suy diễn quá?

có phải mình không biết phân biệt đâu là thật đâu là giỡn?

có phải mình lúc nào cũng quan trọng hóa vấn đề?

có phải mình dễ nổi nóng quá không?

có phải em không hiểu anh?

...

đôi khi mình biết là không đáng nhưng mình vẫn nổi nóng.

có phải mình muốn được xoa dịu bằng những thứ ngọt ngào hơn?

chả hiểu.

thôi thì mình sẽ cố gắng sửa đổi. sẽ cố gắng sống tưng tửng hồn nhiên và lạc quan vô vàn để cho đời đơn giản bớt, cũng không thắc mắc hay kể lể lèm bèm trăm thứ với ai nữa.

con trai đúng là bênh vực nhau. tự dưng lại đi lôi thằng bạn thân để mà tâm sự, rồi lại không được an ủi chi cùng mà còn bị mắng cho một trận vì sensitive cả khóc lóc vô duyên thôi rồi =]

nhưng mà mình kệ đấy ='P bảo không thích nói nhiều nên sẽ không nói nữa. không thì lại bảo mình nhiều chuyện rắc rối.

*thở dài* mình đúng là dễ khóc dễ cười. dễ buồn dễ vui. dễ ghét dễ yêu. và cũng dễ buông dễ níu. mừng là mình không hề dễ dãi với cuộc sống và bản thân mình.

bên trong mình là một mớ dây nhợ phức tạp mà đôi khi chính mình còn không hiểu nổi mình nữa. hallie ơi, sao mày dễ mâu thuẫn quá vậy?!

Whatever

cruel. why is he so cruel? how can people ever be so cruel to each?

why am i so naive? why am i so weak and stupid?

break my heart...one more time...one more time...and one more time...until my heart shatters. i burst into a convulsive sob. hopefully this is the last time i do.

why am i doing this fucking thing? how can i stand seeing myself like this?

how did i let him get into my heart so easily?

because i love and i get hurt. and i should learn this lesson, in someone's eyes that hates you, no matter how much effort you have been giving all the time to make him happy or at least moved, they only offend his eyes after all.

i'm tired and i want to give up on him over and over again, so many times that i can't count. this time i won't follow my heart any more.

...and i'll stop dreaming, just living with the present. i did have a crush on him, that's fact; but i can't be sure if he felt the same way back then, because i felt none on it from him. or maybe i was too demanding and childish and insensitive.

whatever.

i've done!

I need you

perhaps it's right that i love you because you doesn't treat me like i'm ordinary :) am i so special to you? so special that i'm never proud of it. because you hate me when i'm childish and the way you treat me so differently is simply for a little girl.

you treat others girls like ladies with respects. though it is quite strange and weird to me, to only me-myself-and-I.

have you ever wondered why? the truth...?

why do i love asking you everything from the littlest to the biggest problem time to time even i may find out the answers from another?

why do i want you to help me something that i can do it by myself?

why don't i stop bothering you although you are busy?

why do i always share happiness and sorrows, tell you stories that are nothing to do with you?

why are you forever the first one i'd like to announce every single change of my life?

why....why and why?

because i want you to know that i am completely not all right when i do not have you anymore. my life will not go right without you. everything is not going to be okay if i'm not with you.

i'm still a little girl, sensitive and weak. no matter how much i conceal it from others, i only want to be myself when i'm with you. particularly, i covet to be timid and comforted, always need to have someone's arms to fall into, a shoulder to lean on and break into tears each time i feel this life is to hard to take any more breath. it's all right to demand those things, i tell myself that " be sensitive, be vulnerable, be weak and do whatever crazy lame and childish things" because, yup, that's me. no masks. no fake attitude. no hallow things. only pure and innocent heart to you.

hm..i'm maybe not old enough inside to behave like a lady or to know how i should be when i'm in love. but i believe in my heart which never lies to me, i believe in my emotions and i do believe in destiny. 

therefore, do you still accept someone loving you even she has not yet grown up?

thanks for not treating me like i'm ordinary (in the both literal and figurative sense) *laugh out loud*. yup, i myself, every now and then, grow pretty crazy and weird to drive you quite irritated because i'm not ordinary, either.

be up and come back soon, love! i'm forever yours and shall await your return. don't force me to take on the "adult t-shirt" which has fitted me not yet *frown* i must take it off, love *shaking my head to refuse* because i'm still a little girl, eh?!

i'm sorry for being a burden to you day by day like this. i don't mean to get you out of your own peaceful world; though the reason is simply because i want you to know that: I DO NEED YOU IN MY LIFE...

with love,

- Hal

You of the past and the present

We seem to live in different world…

Today, I unintentionally saw an old friend's face on a newspaper which made me look back the stage we had been together and the reason we couldn’t be close friends like formerly anymore.

Everything is changing then I don’t have the right to blame on her or anything, just talk about it.

She is quite beautiful. Well, if she is reading these words, I swear she would know the person that I’m writing about is herself. Yet the girl with whom I used to deal has not only a beautiful outward presence but also her soul.

For my memories, she cared for me and we both might share everything within our worlds, we often found each other when our emotions went wrong totally. We sympathized and helped each as much as possible. We were like close friends ever.

Nowadays, what she merely pays all her attetion is her beauty nevertheless which gets us split apart anyhow. We don’t have the same majors to talk any longer; you know, it’s impossible for me to let her step into my world again.

I don’t spend hours per day to look up on websites to check where is selling new clothes, to wonder what the newest mode is, to make sure that my make-up layer is good enough to attract guys, to buy colorful high heels or to wear beautiful dresses in order to take lots of photographs together with her.

I’m sorry for I can’t do it. It’s so wrong to suppose that I just wanna stand out to make myself different from other girls. You know, I’m also a girl like a million ones out there. To be honest, I truly love all of them, from cosmetic, clothes, taking pictures to high heels. But I hate to waste my time on them and feel less confident while going out without make-up layer or something like that. Besides, I'm not brave enough to hurt my feet to wear those high heels like others do.

Sometimes, I’d love wear beautiful dresses, a make-up layer and doll shoes to take a stroll around the city and take photographs to post on facebook. As a matter of fact, I’m just an ordinary like all girls in the world and I love doing everything from my inclination. The point is, I don’t love those things too much to control myself or realize where the limit is and I know what I should and shouldn’t for being myself is always the best.

All in all, I’d rather have a friend with a beautiful soul than dealing with a super star. Every now and then, I wonder whether or not she has a real friend at the present for herself among the sea of people who praise and flatter her all the time.

What do you need those those compliments for, girl? Would they spend hours to hear you cry? Would they be at exactly in time to help you? Would they really care for you when you're in need? Would they treat you as friends? Would they make you happy? Would they hug you and break into tears with you when you're hurt?

Yes, I’m sorry for having classical (or backward or stupid or…whatever) ideas strangely but it was not worth a big quarrel so seriously with each that I didn't wanna save it anymore. Girl, have you ever watched again the old Korean movie “200 pounds beauty”? Do you remember what we talked after watching it together? I never wanna loose you, NEVER but what I should do in this case is simply letting it go. Seeing your face on newspaper, an immense sadness comes over my mind and if only I could return in time, you and I were pretty little girls with innocent and pure souls inside.

Because I’ve not grown up enough to understand you or because you have been changing too much to recognize? I dunno and dun mouth the high horse to criticize you, either.

Maybe I’m wrong…maybe I’m right. It’s just my opinion. Nothing was really awful between us at least, I’m glad; only a piece inside ourselves, that’s we are different. Enough.

- Hal

F-A-M-I-L-Y

Father And Mother I Love You

Oh how much I love my family! I love my papa and maman heaps...

I love the way papa wakes me up each morning by all his efforts to get me do exercise for my own health; the way he drives me around the city and cracks up because of my silly jokes, advices me to do the right things, teaches me not only knowledge but also how to be a good human-being, etc.

Papa, he is the best father of the world  to me. He’s still himself no matter how much longer I grow up, he treats me like a little princess so far. I wish my husband in the future would be like my father: love his child and wife by all his heart and especially, he never hesitates to do anything in this house. Since my childhood, he has always been an idol  in my heart because it seems as though nothing in the world is hard for him. From teaching me English, Maths, holding my hand to write the first letters; he does odd jobs about the house and is an automatic dictionary to answer me any questions, from English vocabulary to the sillest questions that I can come up with in my mind.

Papa, you are so great! ^^~

I love the way maman feeds me like a child all the time. Because I’m the only one child in our family, thus she does put all her heart on this stubborn daughter no matter how many times I cause her to feel pissed and upset inside. She cooks me my favorite foods and often hides my father to overindulge my demands in spite of illogical ones. Besides, she never takes any vacation at office to make sure that our family never goes without needs. She dedicates all her life to me and my papa, even forgets herself sometimes to put both of us beyond her interest.

Although maman has to spend much time on working so I can’t talk and confide in her as much as papa, she is still the best woman in my heart I swear.

I love the way my parents and I both have cosy meals and watch fairy tales or cartoon on TV as my wish lolz~ I remember when I was merely a child, I often asked them to dance and sing around the table in order to get me to finish my serving and many other amusements from my mischievous mind *rolling on the floor* In fact, I absolutely agree with the truth that I’m still so childish in my family that my parents seem to look at me just like a never-growing-up little daughter in their eyes and I swear they’ve even recognized how my real age is at the moment not yet =]] They must never stop wondering why my mind doesn’t grow old along with the numer of my real age.

Whatever. I’m forever your little princess, right?

Actually, there are some conflicts between my parents and me sometimes and I used to suppose that I would never wanna stay here anymore; though, the more I separate them, the more I understand how precisious the word “family” means. Family is always the last place when my whole world is turning into dark, they are willing to welcome me home and gives me real love whoever I am. Well, I only free my mind and act as the person whom I truly wanna be in the bosom of my family due to the fact that family is the greatest thing in the world that everybody has the right to have one deep down inside.

Well, I can declare that I’m so in love with my family and it’s quite lucky for me to be born in here, be a little daughter of my father and mother and I wish I would be also their child in the next life after that for real.

Later, I shall have another family for my own, a family has a man called husband and children. For my wish, I’ll do my utmost to build up happiness and dedicate my whole life because of my beloved members in family like my mother does.

Because family is always and forever the haven of love whenever each one is in need of some place called home. Now, I’ve clearly got the different meanings of “house” and “home”.

House is simply a building which people in a family live together.

Home is where the heart is, where has love and the most peaceful place to breathe after facing through ups and downs of life.

That’s what I’ve just thought…and thanks God for giving me a place called home to be safe, and more than that, a family perfectly with great father and mother who love and care for me for no reasons.

Pa is the yellow candle

Ma is the blue one

I am the pink one,

Three sparkling candles,

La la la

Lighting up the whole house :x

PS: i've composed a bear family song for my future one based on this song =] someone knows it, and if we can be a family for real, i will sing it out loud on the very first day my child has been born *smiling and jumping*

- Hal

Pains, tears and heart

It's outta my ability to distract myself from the matter anymore, I'm not ready for it...totally not ready indeed.

As soon as I'd picked up the phone from Jun at noon and heard his voice hurriedly at the other side "...just cry if you want to, babe. Ok, it's good for nothing but it shows you at least have a warm heart inside. Trust me, we are human beings and I never want you to own a stone heart, Hal...", I buried my face into my Willy bear and let out a mancry for a few minutes with the phone was yet connecting. I knew he was there to hear the sound of my sob, he wouldn't hang up until I stopped.

I'm tired...so fucking tired, babe! 

Still remember the last time I carried the most horrifying wound in my entire life at the end of December one year ago which did shatter all my own world too badly to sense how painful I should be in that case. And I bit and hurt myself to be ache enough to let tears drop...

I thought that I had no reason for living again, but I didn't dare to make any stupid mistakes which might lead me to the miserable life forever because I'm owning this life and I have to pay for it...Consequently, I eliminated everything to gather all my courage and strength to stand alone again and I supposed I would never cry again, never ever. I was so strong that it made me surprised sometimes but it didn't fix anything.

It is almost believable that after that horrifying wound, there's nothing else on the planet that I can't get through because I was alive after that. Speaking for this time, what if it gets wrong? what if it hurts me? what if it thrusts me into the hardest press? I'm not scared though.

Months ago, I could find the reason to move on...thus this time, I need and I HAVE TO do!!!

I cried. done. it makes me relieve a bit. I'm sure that tears don't help anything but give me a pause of time to breathe for a while before knowing what to do next. If people didn't have tears, they would never know how to exist I swear.

- Hal

e grazie mille, il mio migliore amico! 

Princess and dreams ♥

It occurs in my life just like the old fairy tales that I used to read and still dream of so far. In my naïve and simple thoughts, I suppose I would fall in love with someone called Charming Prince as soon as he’d come and set me free from a dark old dusty cellar. How weird! I anyhow feel, however, nothing as meeting him for real and even after he’d bared his heart…

Well, I don’t dare to compare him to a Charming Prince on a horse of white or something like that. But at least he is the right one that I pictured about handsome princes in fairy tales. He is taller than me a head (in the both figurative and literal sense), intelligent, strong-minded, businessman, rich, handsome with a great heart, warm voice, brightly smiles, a firm shoulder to lean on when I’m in need, girls around time after time *of course*, talent for some things which attract me indeed *laughing* And particularly, he speaks English and French very well *lovestruck* How insane I am, eh? It’s nothing do with languages but yes, that’s what just popped into my mind! Yup, I declare that he is a perfect man and would be the mr.Right for every girl in the world, so right that they *even I* should call him “Charming Prince” and I swear if I was the girl of 3 years ago, I’d be one of his tails and fall in love with him right off with not waiting less than three seconds for considering (how ashamed I was lolz~)

But the point is, why this time couldn’t I let my feet hit the ground five centimetres and jump round round as if I was the luckiest girl on the planet or at least I should be moved to tears and run towards him and fall into his warm shoulder? K It should be! They were romantic scenes I’d think of since many years ago =)) Oh my God!!!

I mean, I eventually refused it with no doubt, no hesitation because I’ve been waiting for someone and his images have been full of my mind already and I can’t shake the freaking fact that I love him enough to let him cloud all my judgements and shadow my heart. He isn’t the prince of any kingdom but the guy whom you truly love would be your own prince, just the one for only you and yourself – that’s called prince and so do I.

As a matter of fact, it’s gonna be so crazy, stupid, silly and hopeless to wait for someone that you’re unable know when the end would come and is it possible for a fairy tale existing on the Earth?

I’m tired sometimes, really fed of holding something out of my hand desperately…

Every now and then, I doubt all the fairy tales, I doubt something called love happening between princes and princesses because I never believe in le coup de foudre. Amongs stories, my favorite one is “La Belle et la Bête” from France’s fairy tale. The girl was able to love the prince even he was too ugly to go nowhere but around his own castle.

It is true love, isn’t it?

Someone who may love you even you are in the worst situation, not attempt to hide from you, be with you whoever you are and save you from your own soul prison is the right prince you’re looking for.

I’m not a princess, either. Beside, I don’t have the right to wish for a Charming Prince or something like that. Simply being a princess doesn’t mean wear beautiful dresses, live in a luxurious castles or have a crown on the top of your head. It would be wearing a beautiful face to smile brightly at everybody, living in the peaceful castle of your heart and having a true love forever after J and prince is gonna be the mr.Right in your entire life, that’s most precious crown you’ve ever had.

All the beautiful pictures about a perfect prince, a mr.Right to get married, a great hubby and good father of family that I painted in childhood are gonna be one of the sweetiest memories of my life and I’d show my grand children how far their grannie used to fly her imagination and someday I’d look back and laugh at my childish dreams.

I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty or smart or young. They are still princesses. All of us. And we all are in need of a beautiful dreams that we would never have to wake up…

with love,

- Hallie

Sailor moon

"In the name of Moon, I'll punish you" =))

Dạo này mình có một thú vui tao nhã là ngồi xem "Sailor Moon" và ăn popcorn, chỉ thiếu có bucket là thức uống thôi.

Càng xem càng khoái, hồi nhỏ thích Sailor moon sau bộ Doraemon và Dr.Slump, nói chung là thể loại nào mình cũng thích cả. Thích từ truyện sang hoạt hình, và từ hoạt hình sang...act in reality =]

Mình thích Usagi vì Usagi giống mình về nhiều thứ, ví dụ như trông con bé lúc nào cũng hậu đậu, ngờ ngờ ngệch nghệch, mít ướt, mơ mộng đủ thứ với rất là bình thường at skull, nhưng tiềm tàng trong nó lại là một năng lực siêu nhân và vì mình cũng là siêu nhân cho nên mình mới bảo nó giống mình nhiều thể loại :x Yêu chính nghĩa, ghét cái ác và khoái đánh đấm đi diệt trừ tội ác =] quá chuẩn!

Chỉ có điều là mình không có được cái đoạn "biến hình" lung linh như nó thôi, nhưng mình có thể thể hiện bản lĩnh siêu nhân ngay khi cần thiết mà. Nói chung là mình đang trong giai đoạn khó khăn cả mệt mỏi nhiều nhất, cơ mà siêu nhân thì phải vượt qua được khó khăn thì mới được công nhận là siêu nhân chứ. Đúng hông hè?!

Ạch...sao tự dưng lại đi đồng hóa em thủy thủ với siêu nhân điện quang zị chời =) Anw, nói chung có năng lực bay bay phiêu phiêu chéo chéo bùm bùm thế thì đã được gọi là superman rồi :')

Nhớ hôm nọ ra tiệm đĩa mua quách luôn cái đĩa về cho mau, chả muốn xem onl nữa. Nhưng chị bán hàng cứ nhìn mình như thế người từ cung trăng rơi xuống íh :| Bộ 19 thì hông được xem cartoon của 15 sao???? về kể epig, nó bảo dạo này nó cũng đang xem " 7 dragon balls" nhưng ko đủ can đảm đi mua đĩa như mình =)) và còn bảo xem mấy nàng sailors chỉ thích xem chân dài :| đúng là con trai đứa nào cũng có máu 35 trong người :|

Thật ra thì cái xã hội này càng già đi rồi, siêu nhơn Hallie này phải đứng lên xì teen hóa nó cho nó trẻ trung ra một chút. Sao dân tình lại cứ thích già, thích lớn, thích suy nghĩ nhiều rồi sau đấy lại than sao trán có nhiều vết nhăn quá??? Cứ phơi phới vô tư có phải hay ko!

Mình hông phải là bị sợ lớn, sợ già nhưng mà chỉ nên lớn khi cần, già đúng lúc chứ ko có serious all the time như thế.

Anw, hôm nay mình vui cả happy dù hơi mệt. Đi nhiều, nói nhanh và nhiều như một cái máy :)) dù biết đó là năng khiếu của mình nhưng mình thật sự đuối! Về nhà thấy thoải mái hơn một chút, vừa lôi được cuốn nhật kí cũ trong hộc bàn, đọc được một vài thứ đáng iu which makes my day rồi ôm lappie xem Sailor moon. May mà hồi chiều ko quên mua popcorn =)) thế này thì cần gì cinéma nữa  <3

Love,

- Hal

PS: Who is my Tuxedo mask? *daydreaming*

Bff

Dear my little sweet goofier,

I'm pretty sure that you're the very first one who pays all attention on this blog as soon as I show its link because you advised me to make it up again, rememeber eh?!

You want me to open myself if I truly wish others would understand me more though you know what, showing the truth seems to be the hardest thing I must force myself to allow. It's not the right thing I don't need anybody around me, I'm also a little girl with a very small heart inside, then I'm sensitive and emotional enough to need to be loved, to be cared and to be some important parts within others's hearts. However, I'm scared, as the more that fear grows, the less I wanna be so small beneath their eyes and I hate them whenever they feel so sorry for me.

You may judge that I'm so in contradiction with my internal life as usual, yes you complain thus but you're willing to listen to me whenever I'd like to be whining and tell you a bunch of those complicated things to ask your ideas. Haha I swear not less than two times, you just want to shout at me and hang up the phone at once because of being waken up at night for nonsense lolz~

Hm...when nobody cares me, I start to feel sensitive, upset and get many many horrifying things dancing around my head. However, when people truly wanna ask "How are you, Hal?" or "anything wrong?" or that kind of questions. I answer that I'm all right and good enough not to complain anything. Yup, I refuse their consolation even I'm in the worst situation and I'd throw all the troubles which should share others into you, only you, my lovely buddy. Sorry, babe!

Since I called you bff, I've put you first of all my friends or exactly I think that I love you enough to call you best friend forever. Whatever this "love" means lolz~  Being beside me ain't lucky in fact, coz I'm not such a good girl to treat you as well as you do to me but I'm ready to do anything for you when you're in need. Frankly babe, sorry for calling you too late that night (again) because I couldn't sleep...and I wanted to bother you =))) How cruel I was!!!!

You know what, I swear nobody in the world may understand you much more than me, even your parents or some gf(s), I'm proud of it. You're kind of person who is very stupid and silly at express your meaning and heart clearly on face and actions, nomarlly it turns totally different from your first thoughts which causes ppl misunderstand your good will from time to time. But in fact, whoever would be your gf or even wife is gonna be the luckiest girl on the planet due to the fact that you truly care your beloved people by all your heart and never really put anyone beyond others to treat that one specially :) You're even-handed, babe and I love you the most by this way =)))

Ehem, I don't flatter you here for Hello Kitty or Bear stuffs to add into my collections hak. Sometimes I wonder why don't you always stop asking me "How old are you, Hal?" while keeping buying me those childish-stuffs to pamper me? huh? haha you're complicated, too!!!!

Those insane words would have been written personally in email but I guess it's not neccessary anymore once I'm sure those words have been sent to the right person that they should be, it's good *laugh*

With love,

- Hal

My music box opens...

Many years ago, I was offered a little music box which would play a melody whenever you open, and a ballerina would twirl round round gracefully in her pretty  pink dress.

The music box was a birthday present from my friend since childhood, he offered me and told me about the story of it. A ballerina tried to get her life out of the box to reach for the better one, as her wish. Though the reality hit her so badly  that she would rather keep move on her life in that music box safely than face the real world out there.

Maybe it's correct, sometimes when I feel so pissed off with this life and I only want to withdraw into myself, listen to the melody, sing along with the tune and get the peace. However, that's human-being, when you're alone, you make a noise and in turn, when your life is messing up enough, you again wish to be in silence.

I don't know what kind of person I am...yet I hope I know where the right time is to stop and breathe for a while. The music box contains many secrets of mine that I'd never tell and my head always feels quite free and comfortable to hear the same melody from it all the time whenever I want to avoid the damn world out there. At those moments, I'm under the impression as if I were that ballerina and I make a wish that I only wanna sing and dance around and around in my own world forever.

As a matter of fact, I've not written blog for months and somehow I miss writing down my thoughts again. It means, I would like to open my box again and in another blog to refresh whatever is attached in my mind yet. 

Anew, I want to live and enjoy this life to the fulliest. And to everybody who is reading these lines, I believe you're one of my beloved ppl caring me much enough to pay attention :) I appreciate it!!!!

And my music box opens...  it's not all about me but gonna be an indispensable part of me :)

This is the story of a lady named Hallie...