Whatever!

Chưa có một giai đoạn nào mà bản thân mình phải trải qua vài tuần liên tiếp mà tinh thần lẫn thể chất đều down xuống mức báo động như này. Ngày nào cũng có chuyện buồn, ngày nào cũng có thứ để lo lắng, ngày nào mở mắt dậy cũng thấy toàn áp lực và mệt mỏi.

Đôi lúc cũng nghĩ than thở nhiều làm gì cũng chẳng giải quyết được, nên thôi cứ ngậm miệng mà im lặng rồi ra sao thì ra.

Mình có một cái tánh kì, đó là mình còn la còn hét còn cãi còn bực bội túm lại là còn thể hiện một cái gì đó là mình còn quan tâm. Còn nói mà cái mặt mình dửng dưng, không buồn nói, không buồn thắc mắc giải thích hay cãi gì nữa thì nghĩa là mình không còn để tâm nữa :)) và lúc đấy thì thế nào thì cũng cứ là thế đấy chứ chẳng ảnh hưởng lắm đến mình nữa.

Dạo này mọi người làm mình buồn lắm :)) Lúc nào cũng đòi hỏi mình phải thế này, phải thế kia, bắt mình hiểu cho mọi người nhưng mà chẳng ai hiểu cho mình cả. Xong rồi lại bảo mình ích kỉ, không quan tâm đến cảm nhận của ai, sống kiểu gì mà này này nọ nọ. Rồi mình cũng cười nhạt cho qua chuyện. 

Bây giờ mình sống không ích kỉ với mọi người thì thành ra mọi người đều sống ích kỉ với mình à? Và mình là đứa sống không ích kỉ quá lâu rồi, nên thôi bây giờ mình sống cho mình trước đã :) Ai muốn phật lòng hay thế nào thì xin lỗi mình cũng không còn buồn nữa. 

Đôi khi cứ cố gắng sống cho người khác nhiều quá, rồi bản thân mình lại chẳng ai nghĩ cho cả :)) Nên thôi. Whatever!

PS: Đang định nằm nhà đợi anh người yêu tối rủ đi chơi, nhưng rồi cảm thấy ở nhà hiện tại không chịu nổi với cả chắc anh người yêu cũng bận với gia đình nên rồi thôi sẵn nhỏ em rủ đi chơi nên nào thay đồ và đi :)) Trời nóng, người nào cũng nóng nhưng lòng mình thì lạnh tanh =)))

25/04/16

I suddenly feel refreshed again after watching the movie “The jungle book” with my man today. It sounds weird but when difficulties turn me down or drive me crazy, the best method for me to calm me down is spending my leisure time in hanging around with him or sticking on the double seats in a movie box to share our movie-time. Somehow, time always seems to get frozen through the duration of the movie since the whole world outside is no longer troubled to us but the scenes on screen and we do get into the movie. 

Speaking of the movie, by the way, it is a good one which is worth every penny you spend because of not only its content but also the message hidden in the final scene that almost moved me into tears.

Finally, after nearly two months of distress and tedious lesson plans, I am so glad to be certain to say that now I’m going to catch up the space for my life. I can hang out with bf, talk to him, share intimate time with him, begin to write down my thoughts, read books, learn and equip myself with what really inspires me. 

However, it is not implied that teaching kids is tedious or something, in case you get me wrong. I actually applied for the English teacher position at the first place in excitement and much enthusiasm. Within the first two weeks, I fell in love with those little cute and tiny faces looking at me and keeping say “Goodbye, teacher Hallie” which sowed the seeds of sheer happiness at the thought that I would love to become a good teacher and make them the good citizens in the future. Well, it sounds great, isn’t it?!

*sigh*

Then came other uneasy elements and even the work environment that kicked me in the butt to help me aware of who I was and what kind of person I should become to please others. It is no longer as simple as a good and honest teacher would be. The increase workload, the deadlines, the colleagues, the lack of ideas, the white nights, the pressure :) Well, I literally went out of my mind and if I couldn’t have got my bf beside me to hold me back and calm me down, I would have been mad :)) 

Seriously I was capable of working under pressure, though I would never put me in a situation that is overly detrimental to my mental state of mind unless it is indeed necessary. Especially, in the work environment that I couldn’t find myself at easy to work, I would cease to struggle. 

I perfectly comprehend the necessity of work, experience and certainly the monthly salary. The fact that I am such a weirdo in reality, it is obviously in the best form when I’m interested in something. In this case, I am ready to do my utmost!! Otherwise, oh NO! I’d rather take a nap and go to sleep right now lolz~

Yesterday was our 9th monthsary, he offered a book named “The art of calm” :’) He is really the anchor of my life :x Save me and stand with me even in the worst storm. I’m going to pore over the book right now.

Much love,

Hal

The end of my training course

What a relief! I have already completed my training course to become an official teacher after almost two months. The period of time offers me such priceless lessons about real life and experience in working with many kinds of people whose characters are also totally different. 

Okay, the point is that I requested to work as a teaching assistant instead of becoming a teacher as my first intention despite spending a considerable amount of time for the training course. Some people may suppose that I have wasted my time for no reasons, yet the consequence is opposite. In my opinion, I have gained much more than mere basic teaching skills or experience in classroom control and teachers' matters. 

To be perfectly honest, I was sunk in the email and multi-tasks day by day which seriously drove me crazy. I had several white nights to tackle all of the issues, make arrangements with a burning head :)) As a result, today my request for teaching assistant position was granted because my fly symptoms gave me every appropriate reason to withdraw from the position that manager was pushing me to take. 

She expressed her regret at my decision this afternoon. It is indeed such a relief to me, though. Perhaps, I am not a workaholic at all. My health is the top priority, then comes time for my own life, I mean my family, boyfriend and myself, and finally the salary. 

Back to the time I applied for the job, I got tremendously enthusiastic and excited to become the one who would be able to inspire and help the pupils get interested in the language like I do. Well, at least, they are just the little seeds of this generation. However, things are getting tiring and stressful day by day. Not only the pressure from work but also the negative mindset about colleagues has gradually made me step back and guard up.

I used to hear from my close friends about the work environment, where I would be not easy to find out a genuine friend as I could do at schools. People might be friendly but rarely honest as who they appeared to be. I didn't believe in it until the truth fell down and hit me that hard.

Whatever! They are always colleagues. Just colleagues. Not the type of people I can call "friends". 

The more I'm growing up, the lonelier I'm feeling :') Time to take a break and take care of myself. Be me again ^^

Bless me!

Hal

PS: It's so great when I do not have to hear the "tink tink" from my email alert tone, "Dear Hallie,...." "Hallie, do this!" "Hallie, do that!" "Hallie, this week you have to work at..." "Teacher Hallie, you should do...." =)))) Oh man, my day-and-night mare! Seriously =.="

Oh real life!!

It has been a while since I was qualified for becoming an English teacher at a language center in the city. I have experienced the training course, worked and been confronted with many kinds of people there. Some are nice. Some are hypocrites. However, the real matter beyond all is the pressure of the work that I have to complete. 

It seems to become such a damn nightmare which really depresses and dreadfully stresses me out. From dawn to dusk, that the very only thing crosses on my mind is my work. It haunts me like a ghost while the wage is not worth the effort.

Hence, it came to my final decision as I asked to quit the job within a few previous days, but my manager refused to accept it. Instead, she offered me any good conditions to keep it up because she had high expectations for me on the first days during my training course. 

Well, I actually appreciated it but attempting to not hurt someone else means I have to hurt myself first. As still being a senior in the university, it is tough to work and study simultaneously in the best form. Besides, I have hardly spared a little time for myself doing my favourite things as I used to do, even the time to hang out with my bf has been limited sometimes. 

I wonder how worse everything would become without help from him. He is like an anchor that calms me down, gives me an embrace to make sure that no matter what may happen, he will always be here for me. Oh God, I was almost lost and got out of my mind because of getting overwhelmed and worn-out.

Okay, my heart and mind are awfully heavy and tiring. It is uneasy to bear the same thing, same circle, same boring routine that I have to see every day. I need time to take a rest with bf, hold his hand tight, and feel relieved. Of course, I need time to write blog, read a book, listen to my playlist and feel free~ 

Nothing is worth if I am not happy :’(