30/04/2015

Lâu lắm rồi hai má con mình mới có dịp đi shopping vởi cả đi siêu thị cùng nhau mua được bao nhiêu là thứ hay ho. Maman thì cứ việc mua mấy thứ đồ ăn thức uống, mình thì loay hoay mãi ở shop quần áo và đồ dùng học tập các kiểu để ẵm về vài thứ con gấu bổ sung cho bộ sưu tập của mình.

Hôm nay cả ngày ở nhà cũng chẳng làm gì, chỉ ăn ngủ học bài rồi lăn ra xem anime các kiểu. Tối mới đi ra ngoài cùng maman mà lạy hồn đông khiếp mất. Lễ lộc tốt nhất cứ nên ở nhà cho an toàn, chứ dân du lịch ở đâu đổ tới Nha Trang mà đông khiếp luôn.

Vừa về đến nhà online fb thì ngồi nghe anh mình tâm sự loài chim biển. Mọi chuyện khá là phức tạp. Mà mình với ông ấy kiểu gì đúng là sinh cùng ngày cùng tháng, tính tình giống hệt nhau như hai giọt nước. Hiểu nhau đến mức mà ông ấy vừa nói một chữ là mình cũng hiểu ngay ông ấy định nói gì, còn mình thì vừa kể chuyện một xíu ông ấy cũng đã hiểu mình muốn như thế nào rồi.

Nói chung là thương nhau chết luôn. Kiểu cứ như anh em sinh đôi kiếp trước gặp lại nhau í :| Phát ngôn và suy nghĩ lẫn cách nhìn mọi chuyện cũng không khác gì nhau mấy luôn o.O Nhìu khi mua quà cho nhau cũng chẳng cần hỏi đối phương thích gì, vì mình thích gì là y như rằng cứ mua vì chắc chắn không chệch đi đâu được =)))

Rồi xong rồi đấy thì mở phm kinh dị "Out of the dark" ra mà xem :)) Hết lễ! Mình thích xem phim kinh dị, nhưng mà ở đây ai cũng sợ ma hết...khác mình quá thành ra chẳng ai thèm đi xem phim với mình cả :)) Còn mấy thể loại zoombie đánh đấm siêu anh hùng thì it's not my cup of tea =.= 

Túm lại là hôm nay mình vui vì kiểu lâu lắm mới có thời gian dành cho gia đình như này. Mình cứ mải hết bạn bè tới học hành rồi bao nhiêu chuyện linh tinh chả có thời gian đi chơi với ba má. Lớn rồi, xa cách gia đình nhiều quá :( Mình có lỗi ghê! 

Tin buồn nhất là Revenge hết season 4 là hết luôn. No more season 5. Mà bây giờ cũng đã 20 eps rồi nên vậy là sắp kết thúc rồi. Không còn Emily Thorne của mình nữa, không còn Nolan của mình nữa. Tự nhiên thấy buồn vì kết thúc quá sớm. Trong khi cái phim mong nó hết một cách tuyệt vọng là "Pretty Little Liars" thì đợi mãi chả hết...dự là season 7 mới hết :| 

Hét ngày.. Mình tự nhiên muốn đi học nhảy sexy dance lại quá :)) Sau hôm qua tự nhiên lại thèm nhảy nhót uốn éo các kiểu ghê cơ =)) Mà giờ mắc tập Yoga rồi biết sao hiho

Ngủ,

Hal

Karaoke and love

Tadaima!!!

I just got home after spending the whole night out together with my lovely sisters and some closest guys xD We first had beef dish and beefsteak at a home restaurant on Phan Boi Chau street and then headed straight to a private karaoke room, where is nearby my university. 

Although the number of us were few, we did have an amazing night together. Not only did we sing many lively songs, but also we danced and capered like innocent children who paid no poo about what was going on outside the room and how some troubles had already caught up our lives then. We merely lived for the moment, utterly felt delighted and satisfied with what we were experiencing. I love that feeling~ it is how I call "life"!

The members of my uni gang have narrowed down to the very few of us remaining for some certain reasons. It hardly becomes the same back to the first year, though at least we are still there, truly love and care of one another. That's enough! Quality is always much better than quantity, isn't it?!

Virtually the songs we sang this night were about wedding such as "Marry Me" "Beautiful in White" "A Thousand Years", etc. due to the fact that my little sister is going to get married in July '16. She would be the earliest girls amongst us entering the marriage life :') You know, when we all sang in unison the song "Beautiful in White", happily gazing at her and pointing out that the song was particularly for her, I noticed that she wept for joy, I guess. At that time, I could possibly imagine that her in over one more year, being in a beautiful bridal gown, she would have been crying on her biggest day since she is always such a little sensitive girl that I have known for more than three years. 

I occasionally draw in my mind some fantasising and magnificent ideas about the future wedding of me and the man in whom I would like to engage for eternity. To make a sincere vow. To respect and to dedicate the rest of our lives for each other. I'd love to have those friends today with me on the biggest day, surprising me by a diversity of hilarious performances and wholeheartedly wishing me a happy-ever-after ending. 

To be honest, we came up with an idea to surprise her on the day and have more than one year to get it ready lolz~ I promised no matter where I might be at that time, I would manage all the ways to return and be present on her biggest day :) She has my words! 

Okay I have a serious sore throat for now because of shouting and singing too much in the private karaoke room with them. Gotta have a night sleep and take a rest!

Shiawasena kyūjitsu!!!

xoxo

Hal

A male friend used to tell me "It doesn't matter the destination we choose to celebrate our party, as long as we are together with our true friends, wherever would be able to become merriment and genuine bliss." ^^~ Now I've fully grasped this saying :) Arigatou!!!

[J-dorama] Mother

A masterpiece, indeed! I have just finished the last episode of another beautiful dorama "Mother" (Okasan) and almost had myself wetting for the final touching scene. 

This is also such a sad, albeit meaningful Japanese drama about the strong bond between a homeroom teacher-Nao and her pupil named Rena, who was mentally and physically abused by her biological mother and the mother's boyfriend. Nao then decided to rescue Rena and they both became mother-and-daughter running away from the town, heading to Tokyo and setting a fresh life regardless of difficult it would be. Nao was very protective and solicitous for Tsugumi (Rena's new name). However, they had to be apart for twelve years due to the fact that Nao was accused of kidnapping Rena. Well, at least the reunion as Rena came to her twenties calmed me down because I first got irritated for thinking of such a sad ending no matter how much they both struggled to be together...

...as long as the memory of me holding your hands remains, it will be our guide and bring us together again.. - "quote from Nao's letter for Tsugumi in the last scene." 

The little Mana-chan played her role "Rena" was way beyond the word "excellent". I couldn't possibly believe that such a little girl like her managed to act so well that she has completely conquered my heart for now. All of other cast was splendid as well. Although the dorama was dreadfully sad and quite dark, yeah the particular trait of Japanese doramas, it was to me very wonderful and full of meanings that none of Korean dramas has ever brought to me this kind of feeling. 

Honestly, I didn't cry at all but found my eyes getting wet at times as Tsugumi running towards Nao and shouting out "Okasannnn" :) Mana chan was a genuine great actress! Hope she'll get further success in the future. 

A friend texted me today if I had got a boyfriend since my total absence in recent times caused him to get suspicious lolz~ Yeah, I'm lately bound up in mah new "boyfriend" named "mr.Japanese" ha ha Most of my time, I spend writing Japanese, taking Japanese dictation, speaking Japanese, following the dorama "Okasan", listening to Japanese songs and remembering Japanese characters every morning when I wake up and every evening before falling into sleep. Ain't it enough for me to call "mr.Japanese" my boyfriend now? I haven't even loved someone this much. Yay, now I'm in the holiday but I refuse any outings or hook-ups, there is an exception in case it comes from my close friends returning to hometown for a mere few days. 

Otherwise, I'd rather stay at home, reading some informative spiritual enlightment books, learning Japanese, English and of course French without in the least feeling tiresome. It seems I am becoming such an introvert again, though I'm entirely happy with this decision because I have eventually figured out how to create happiness on my own, get content with the present and get ready to live productively. No more useless me. No more worthless time I waste. 

I'm more than satisfied with my life at the moment. 

Peace,

xoxo

Hal

Alert: the film "Mother" is as dark and sad as "Byakuyakou" :)) Consider carefully if you'd like to give it a go because it won't be bright, cheerful or funny at all. The deep meaning and humanism inside are the main theme!

Bắt đầu nghỉ lễ '15

Hurahhhhhhhhhh!!! Cuối cùng thì cũng xong ngày hôm nay dù đã có khá nhiều chuyện bực mình muốn chửi thề luôn, rồi lại nghĩ bực mình cũng tốn chất xám các kiểu thành ra cho qua.

Vậy là từ hôm nay mình sẽ được off đến tận hết nguyên tuần sau mà không phải vác mặt lên trường, không phải lo làm nhìu bài tập vô nghĩa nhảm nhỉ nữa mà sẽ ở nhà học tiếng Pháp và tập viết tiếng Nhật. Còn gì hạnh phúc hơn :x 

Thiệt chớ cho mình thời gian ở nhà ngồi học thôi, đừng phiền nhiễu mình bằng những thứ không đâu thì có ở nhà quài luôn cũng được. Dạo này mình đang đọc vài quyển self-help books thể loại spiritual thành ra mình thấy nhìn nhận cuộc sống cũng khác nữa. 

Có câu thế này: "we'll give you whatever it is you say and focus on... and so if you are complaining about how bad it is, what you're creating is more of how bad it is." Đây là the Law of Attraction, nghĩa là khi mà mình có những cái suy nghĩ kiểu negative, kiểu hay phàn nàn nhiều thì bản thân mình sẽ phát ra năng lượng phóng vào vũ trụ, vũ trụ sẽ tiếp nhận cái signal của mình và nó sẽ mang đến cho mình thêm nhiều nhân tố negative và chuyện không vui để cho mình "được" tiếp tục phàn nàn =)) 

Nôm na là những người ưa nổi giận, ưa tức tối thì tần suất gặp những chuyện bực mình, những người nổi giận khác (other furious people á)  nhiều hơn người khác vì chính bản thân người đó thu hút những thứ đó mà :)) Mình explain dở ẹc =.= Quyển này mình đọc bằng Eng nên kiểu hiểu mà nói lại tiếng Việt thì ngu si thôi rồi... 

Nên là thành ra mình không giận cũng không bận tâm nữa. Càng nhắc cái gì nhiều thì tần suất nó xuất hiện trong cuộc sống mình sẽ càng cao :') Vậy đó!

It was supposed to be such a blue day but because of my mind defining it in a positive way, it then became much better than ever. Let me say, instead of mentioning irritating troubles that pissed me off and initially ranting all the time as usual, I chose to make it different by marking the day being the final day at school following the upcoming one week off at home, completely free and relaxed :') Hence, here I am with the best mood ever!

You see, if you want to change your life, just change the channel and the frequency by changing your thoughts ;) At least, it works for me thanks to the spiritual book "The Secrets" that I'm reading. Lately I'm interested in reading this genre for enlightenment and of course, as I wrote yesterday, for my transformation for good!

Vãi cả tiếng Anh và tiếng Việt của mình :| Tiếng Việt phía trên viết kiểu ngu si như nào xuống dưới tiếng Anh viết smoothly bấy nhiêu =)) Thiệt sự là chết mất... 

Thằng bạn mình vừa nhờ mình dịch hộ vài thứ quan trọng, xong mình thẳng thắn luôn là mình có thể giúp nhưng từ Việt sang Anh và không thể ngược lại. Thật sự tiếng Việt có nhìu thứ mình không biết diễn tả như nào cả, có lẽ dùng tiếng Anh thì mình thấy hiệu quả hơn... Chả biết mình từ hành tinh nào xuống nữa :( Sử dụng câu cú kém dễ sợ luôn í!

Thôi là vậy đó. Đi làm bài tiếng Nhật đây, không nói nữa. Phải siêng học hành lên vì tương lai con bé Hal :)) Với cả sư phụ là động lực to bự nhất quả đất :x Sư phụ mình, Anh Việt Pháp Trung Nhật đều tốt và kiêm luôn Toán Lý đại xuất sắc...T_T Sư phụ đó =)))))) 

幸せな休日!

*キス*

Hal

Letter to me for transformation

Dear diary,

Having watched the episode 19 of my most favourite TV series "Revenge" season 4, there was something flooding in my head and I supposed I'd better write them down, saving them here as a folder of unforgettable memories and also marking it as the turning point of my life whether others would like this or not. 

Emily Thorne is the role model that I am constantly hoping to emulate because she has a powerful inner strength, great mind, a capacity of anticipating what others would do to hurt her and beyond all, she has a good heart regardless of how many innocent victims indeliberately got involved into his plan for revenge. In recent episodes, nevertheless, she came to explode her true identity and way back to the little angel Amanda. No more revenge. No more pain. On the purpose of reaching the true happiness and entire tranquility that she had been chasing for so long. 

I was truly glad for her since during the previous seasons she had to confront too many pains to easily get recovered again. Someone in the series would say Emily was not a human-being but a machine, a monster and also such an unique, blood-thirsty snowflake. Most rarely seem to favour her for several ruthless behaviours towards her foes, but I do sympathy with her as sometimes I am too put in conditions that I would like to force others suffer the same things they did. 

I learn lessons from Emily. I taste her certain dramas, untold sorrows and even the ultimate agony when loosing the loved ones permanently with an obvious idea that you have no other option but accepting the fact that they would no longer exist on the Earth. Each of the deepest conner of her grieves, I'm able to put myself in her shoes and comprehend what her extreme reactions comes out for.

None of us here would like to make their lives in suffering, of course. Though, c'est la vie! The more you grow up, the more cruel facts that you have to learn how to face and deal with. You will definitely become more vulnerable, more sensitive and weaker than ever just because of the pains which others tear you down, either on purpose or not, those are mere tasteless excuses, giving no help but gradually fading away your belief in people. 

One day, you disappear for a while and make a comeback in a complete fresh version, like Emily Thorne I mean, virtually all of your so-called beloved ones barely recognise you, then behave way strangers to you since your transformation triggers the false ideas in their heads. Who's going to cease this?! Despite this, it is the time for you to see anyone left amongst a bunch of close friends you thought you had...very few genuine friends would stay, even only one but the person must be someone who is more than willing to sacrifice his life for you. Well, I'm telling about Nolan - the only partner of Emily :') They both made a great dynamic duo!!

You know, if only I could possibly trade all of the so-called friends at the moment for such a true friend like Nolan. A friend reads me like a book, instantly becomes anxious when I disappear all in sudden, confides in me as things weigh down his heart, supports me no matter what takes care and loves me as if we had the solid bond of family members. A best friend for life. A dynamic duo ;) And more importantly, the friend would accept me for who I am and believe that anything I have done always has their reasons behind, instead of blaming me for not being able to remain the previous version that he would know. That's the ultimate point I'm looking for....

It seems none of my so-called friends are going to put themselves in my shoes and try to figure what is going on with me. Or at least, keep patience with me to see if this transformation is good or not. Rather stating their questions for me about this change with much anxiety, instant judgment and attitudes in disapproval are everything that I have received. They supposed they knew what would be the best for me, didn't they?!

Given that Emily Thorne was the superior version, in a tough head wisely dealing with many difficult circumstances and surviving in the chaotic society where the majority belongs to villains, ain't it correct for me to have this kind of version, the second identity that helps me out of all the storms ahead, obviously in a good way though? Success and utter happiness are the best weapons for me to revenge because nothing good comes from dwelling in the past and making yourself suffer all the time as if you were such a feeble victim :)) You know, nothing is driving people crazier than seeing me having a good fucking life, right?!

I would like to bottle my emotions up in a comfort zone for a long period, concentrating on my languages and working as a freelancer, practising vegetarianism, teaching myself not to trust people, getting rid of certain dramas that will potentially harm me out of nowhere, putting no one higher than the position that he/she deserves and no longer either criticizing or getting influenced by others. Neither kind of proper faith nor complete kindness towards others should be remained in me due to the purpose of safe-and-sound. Like a snowflake, frozen but beautiful, getting through the toughest season of year, that's the way I did learn from Emily Thorne. As long as I won't rip away the good heart of the little former me, all the reasons for this transformation is encouraged, certainly for the better life :) 

As the time I am writing these opinions down, my consciousness is totally clear. Not in a condition that I am running away from the reality that everything is likely against me, culminating in those so-called negative thoughts mentioned above lolz~ To be honest, I am perfecting the life in my own way and I myself am clearly aware of what is good for me, not someone else. Therefore, if anyone may not consent me, leave it or take it...whatever :') It's none of my business again, dear! 

Besides, I'm on the first pages of a self-help book, a spiritual genre. You can feed your life by initially fostering your soul and inner spirit. I believe that's the priority! Well, books, learning languages, writing articles, following my favourite TV series or doramas and making myself own great pleasure without any help from others are all the best ways I'm treating my life. All in all, I'd better live in the world belonging to only me :) I'm too bound up to waste my time on crap.

What a long entry, again! lolz~ I'mma off for showering, watching the episode 20 and then meeting Adam for a drink, learning French, continuing to read the book and yeah enjoying the night in peace. How relieved of me to be for now! Breathe in and out...and life is~ 

Much love for me ❤

xoxo

Hal

PS: Each time I listen to the song "For you" - Angus & Julia Stones, I am always reminded of the little Amanda in laughter running along the beach along with his father, Jack and the puppy Sammy, giving the reason to believe that no matter how Emily Thorne is becoming, her soul still belongs to that innocent little Amanda, free from schemes and "For the first time, I have no idea what's coming next" :) It's peaceful...perfectly suit the melody~ Love it xxx

Some says loyalty inspires boundless hope and while that may be there's a catch. True loyalty takes years to build and only seconds to destroy.

Không hiểu mình thì thôi!

Uhm mình cảm thấy là mình vẫn còn con nít quá nhiều. Chả có ai sư phụ không có thời gian nói chuyện với mình nhiều nữa nên khóc, cãi vã với bạn thân cũng khóc, giận hờn với nhỏ bạn thân cũng khóc, cảm thấy nhỏ bé rồi lạc lõng chả có ai để nói chuyện tâm sự rồi cũng khóc,...

Nói cho đúng ra thì mình đúng kiểu over-sensitive, super vulnerable và over-thinking luôn kiểu như một đứa con nít í, nghĩa là tất cả các cung bậc cảm xúc đều mãnh liệt đến mức khó tin dù bao nhiêu lâu thì đều vẫn như thế.

Chiều giờ mình buồn. Thật sự rất buồn mà rồi nhận ra ừ giờ thì cũng chẳng biết nói với ai và chắc cũng chẳng ai hiểu được mình luôn nên thôi không nói. Mình buồn không phải vì mình yêu đương hay gì đó với bạn ấy, nhưng buồn vì bỗng dưng mất đi một người bạn kiểu hơi bị thân thiết với mình mấy năm nay. Đi chơi hay làm gì cũng đi, tâm sự nói chuyện này nọ các thể loại đùng phát như người dưng thế thì mình không quen, cũng chịu không nổi...

Nhưng lần này tuyệt nhiên mình không khóc. Nước mắt chắc cũng khô cằn rồi nên chẳng khóc lóc gì được nữa. Đến khi nào thì mình mới có thể học cách không cần một ai trong cuộc sống của mình nữa nhỉ? Dẫu biết trên đời này chẳng có bất cứ một mối quan hệ nào là vô hạn trừ cha mẹ và con cái ra thôi, nhưng sao vẫn kiểu ngu không thể tả như này.

Mình thật sự rất ghét mình như này. Ghét cái kiểu nhạy cảm, nghĩ nhiều, phức tạp hóa vấn đề lên rồi làm mọi thứ negative đi. Ghét trở nên đáng thương, yếu đuối và dễ bị tấn công trong mắt người khác...thế nên lại càng không nói ra, lại càng chứng tỏ này nọ và cái mặt cứ trơ trơ láo láo ra kiểu chả có nghĩ gì. Mâu thuẫn lung lắm đa!

Nếu mình thật sự cứ thế này thì mình chẳng thể nào làm gì tốt đẹp được luôn í. Thật sự rất ghét bản thân vì mấy lúc như này. Mình hoàn toàn không làm chủ được suy nghĩ và cảm xúc của mình. Thua mất rồi. 

Mình thề với lòng luôn, kể từ giờ phút này trở đi sẽ không đặt bất cứ một người nào là quá quan trọng với mình nữa trừ gia đình. Không có thân thiết gì hết, không có tạo điều kiện thân thiện quá mức các mối quan hệ với ai nữa. Mình mệt lắm rồi. Thật sự mình rất mệt.

Vâng, ai bảo mình là lạnh lùng, khó gần, khó thân, không mở lòng, vô cảm abc các kiểu đâu bước ra đây xem nào? Đừng nhìn bề ngoài như thế rồi nghĩ là mình là con người cũng như thế. Mình ngày xưa đa số toàn phiền lòng nhiều chuyện bạn bè gái mấy thứ thị phi, sau này thì phiền lòng chuyện bạn bè trai vì mấy thứ tình cảm không thể hồi đáp các kiểu thế này.

Con người này còn không đủ emotional hay sao? =))))

Tóm lại chả ai hiểu được mình trong khi mình thì ai cũng hiểu mới điên :)) Giác quan thứ 6 thêm độ nhạy cảm siêu cao thì chỉ cần vài nét là mình hiểu đối phương đang như nào liền. Còn mình ấy à, thôi đừng mong hiểu :)) Đọc hết blog này thì họa may ra hiểu được phần nhỏ bé nào đấy nhưng cũng chắc chắn là nhiều hơn những người xung quan mình, kể cả papa maman :) 

Thôi khỏi ai hiểu cũng được. Có cả ngàn đứa bạn thân thì cũng một mình, có cả tỉ người yêu thì cũng chẳng hiểu được đứa phức tạp này. Sống và quan tâm nhiều người quá cuối cùng thành ra tự hại mình. Ai đủ kiên nhẫn với mình thì mới họa may ra yêu nổi mình mà chắc không có ai đâu. Có xong cũng đi lên trời hết rồi...

Buồn cười nhất là mình vừa bảo "I'm upset" với một nhỏ bạn và ngay sau câu đó là một loạt câu chuyện về bạn ấy bất chấp mình cảm giác như nào :| Mình cũng tạm gác chuyện ngồi tiếp chuyện, đưa lời khuyên vân vân mây mây rồi giúp bạn ấy tất cả khả năng cho phép và rồi nhận câu "Thanks tình yêu, ngủ nhé :* yêu"

Thế ra tất cả những chuyện hay cảm xúc của mình phức tạp như này đều là rác rưởi và không đáng để ai nghe à? Hoặc là nghe xong thì lại chuyển sang chuyện quần quần áo áo, shopping các kiểu hay anh này anh kia làm sao để flirt? :) Sống vì người khác quá nhiều rồi ai sống vì mình?!

Bây giờ, ngoài tiếng Nhật, tiếng Anh, tiếng Pháp và Yoga ra thì mình chắc sẽ không còn quan tâm tới bất cứ một thứ gì khác trên đời này nữa. Mình chẳng cần bạn bè, chẳng cần vui chơi, chẳng có nhu cầu ra khỏi nhà nữa luôn. Sắp tới mình định viết báo (tất nhiên Tiếng Anh) kiếm nhuận bút kiểu freelancer í và làm vài thứ có thể kím tiền. Ngoài ra thì mời đi hết cho, người mình có giới hạn thôi.

Ước gì có khả năng "turn off" cảm xúc như Elena Gilbert trong Vampire Diaries nhỉ :)) Mà sau này chắc mình cũng gần thế rồi. Sẽ viết những thứ make sense chứ không viết emo các kiểu nữa. Vĩnh biệt luôn topic này nhé ==" Hại tim gan phèo phổi là những thứ cần tránh xa mình ra vạn dặm!

Ngủ. Vừa xong 2 bảng chữ Hiragana và Katakana rồi thuộc luôn những câu đơn giản, xong mai chuẩn bị chuyển qua học Kanji khó muốn xỉu nhưng mình quyết tâm học hàng ngày nên chắc ko sao :)) 

おやすみなさい。

xoxo

Hallie

Friends, lovers [and] nothing

It came to my deeply sadness as knowing that he decided to shut me out of his life forever with his damn clinical detachment. Merde, what makes him behave in a such stressful way like that? Lovers or nothing...yeah, I chose nothing because he didn't give me the most ultimate option that I was expecting - friendship.

I'd rather have close male friends than pick one boyfriend and torture myself like I used to do. It's like the air weighs more for me, pushes me down and wears me out because I am out of breath after hours being close to him but feeling a horrid big gap between us and his attitudes did stress me out.

...And one day, without either of us saying it, we are no longer close friends as how we used to be and here I am suffering the bitterness all alone as it is difficult for me to confide in anyone about this matter once I never label it clearly but just good friends. 

Nothing was ever the same between us again. My heart tightens somehow and gets intensively tingling but unfortunately, I am not capable of bawling my eyes out once and for all in order to lessen this kind of uneasy feeling. However, I cannot even shed a tear right now...perhaps because I have got used to bury my emotions to prove this inner strength to the world for so long that gradually I have become such an emotionless person, feeling properly blank and having no way to express distress.

It'd better dismiss him from my mind and concentrate on my languages instead of wasting my time here blogging much about something same-script-different-cast. The most obvious evidence for this unreadiness is all the shitty guys I've attracted into my life and the endless dramas I've got myself into, eventually leading me to the dept of untold sorrow and I swear I'd never love to taste it again.

Should I either be proud of or frightened of having a bunch of close friendships with guys? Most of time I do have incredible pleasure, yet I am also confronted of a vast amount of tragedies that I would never be able to forgive myself.

Am I cruel to them? I treat them very nicely then end up with one statement "it's impossible to...". Finally they came to dislike me pretty much, some even hated me for the rest of their lives. Although it is taken for granted that I fake to become so innocent that I have no idea how strongly love would probably conceive from the basic foundation called "friendship" since I am mature enough to acknowledge that there is no such a friendship between a girl and a guy, truth to be told that I truly have so far many genuine friendships and sis-broships which rarely jump beyond the thin line of mere friends and brothers. None of people believe in those male-and-female friendships but I do and am not going to cut the bond of them just because of some false judgement on my own conception. 

Of course, there are some exceptions over time involved in cases such as someone by chance falls in love with me or vice versa, as I mentioned above, though it ought to depend on the condition and also our current situation as well. Anyway, I'm done with this! Whatever! I'm so fucking sick of over-concerning others' feelings =.=

Like an omen, my bff (another man lolz) this morning sent me a song covered by him and you know what, the name of it was "Bye bye Love" ha ha ha Luckily, I am not in love :))) What is love? The answer is: poison! 

I'mma off for Japanese now,

Love

xoxo

Hal

Hallie and Japanese

Hai, I have been initially learning Japanese in recent time on the purpose of serving myself well in my chosen profession afterwards and also boosting my chance to communicate and work with Japanese people who are supposed to have a lot of self-discipline, self-awareness and patience to work, making me have great respect towards them. 

To be honest, I am just on the very first steps "digging" more into the language and it seems pretty difficult to me since I'm not really good at remembering enough every single character in the three scripts and I am not only struggling to "draw" those characters but also learning them by heart. To me, this fact is dreadfully horrid and somewhat annoying!!!

Never had before in my life, I found myself studying this hard, even compared with the university entrance examination. Three languages at the same are beyond my imagination but I guess I'll make it work no matter how difficult they are. 

Because I believe "there's will, there's way", nothing can stop me marching forwards :) The target for one more year: fluently speaking Japanese and English :)) un peu French is enough :x

Ganbatte,

Hal

PS: This country is getting worse and worse and I wonder how much more chaotic this society will become in the future. My only hope is that I'd be able to take off to another country together with my parents and settle down there permanently with having nothing involved in this coutry again. Yeah, I just say "this country" lolz~ not "my country" :))

18/04/2015

I went for a trip to Suoi Do Pagoda with Tho, Anh and Phi from the morning to afternoon, around 4pm. It made me exhausted but delighted to have a long trip with my friends on the weekend since it was such a long time we had not gone out together like that. 

No sooner had I been home, I headed to my bedroom and took a nap for a few hours in order to hang out for another karaoke party with Toastmaster groups. Although I got completely headache and tired, I never wanted to break my promise to them :') 

At least I had fun there singing my favourite songs along with Emilia :x Time flew quickly, I had to get home kinda early for getting sleepy and worn-out after a long day outta house :))

Hence, I'm off for sleeping now!

Bye

Hal

I quit :)

A bunch of horrid bad things have come and hit me brutally in recent times, pulling me into the deep hole of sorrows of which I truly had no idea how to get out :) One decision giving up for my parents' sake, again, led to another renunciation that I have been making a great effort on and struggling so far in order to achieve the goal I set and to prove that how much I am capable of...

Firstly I quit the job for the restaurant due to the fact that my parents couldn't permit me working over mid-night and it is unbearable to witness the old folks staying up so late awaiting me while they have to wake up very early on the following morning. Therefore, although I went through the interview and got entire approval from my boss, I must abandon the job right after one day. 

People must have considered that I have quit because I couldn't manage to work under the seriously pressure and none of them believe in my genuine case since I'm old enough to decide the path for me without any interference of parents. That on account of my parents' disapproval seems to be such a perfect excuse for covering the true reason that I am slothful and worthless. Whatever others may think about me is all right, my parents are always beyond others' judgement. I used to quite my university in Saigon and end up with such a monotonous and tedious life right here in this now, thus no wonder why I'd better do it again with the job because of their health. 

Honestly the job was bustling and I must work all the time with a fast speed in order to keep pace up with the huge amount of clients flocking to our restaurant, particularly at night. However, I have nothing to complain because I kinda love the lively atmosphere there. I worked and talked to clients like a machine and yeah, I am a type of person who loves working under pressure. I am not fearful of hardship but easily get pulled back and tied by the string of emotion.

Today I didn't take care of my document sent to Hanoi for the programme that I am struggling to prepare these days and didn't keep falling for someone anymore regardless of myself :)) I just found myself no longer qualified for those beautiful things. It's not because of lacking of enthusiasm, motives and patience to carry on, but because I am put in the worst condition that I have ever had, causing me to cease everything that it would have come true if I have been in a different situation. 

Life is a bitch :)) sometimes I wonder what mistakes I made to endure through many sadness and bitterness, and of course, downs in life. I would be supposed to bawl dreadfully if I were the little girl of the past =)) though, the person right now can't even shed a tear or feel broken just because she is absolutely empty and souless now. Like emotionless... and I do love this state :) 

What are teardrops? How are grieves? I'm clueless of those definitions by now :)) =)) I only know how to smile, laugh and keep quiet :3

I deactivated my facebook account, turned back to my old-childhood habits - reading books, contemplating, writing fictions, studying and having a free-like-bird mind, kinda wrapped myself in my world without communicating with anyone. The more I keep myself distant from the social world outside, the better for me to discover mine...uhm the perk of being an introvert :) It is safe! Sorry for being over-sensitive in this period but that's my choice, at least I can live for myself once.

Night to he world,

xoxo

Hal

Nhẫn hội ngón út

(in Hal's room :x)

Lâu lắm rồi cả đám 4 đứa Gấu Hal, Méo, Ánh với Thỏ cùng nhau hẹn hò đi ăn hàng linh tinh như ngày xưa. Xong rồi đâu đấy lại đi lượn Trí Đức mua "nhẫn hội" :)) Hồi năm một cả đám mua 4 chiếc nhẫn còn sót lại, thành lập hội "Hoa Hồng Đen" rồi bây giờ hết hoa hồng lại chơi nhẫn ngón út :x Khá là xinh xắn!

Sau đó 3 đứa kéo qua nhà mình chơi, lăn lê bò lết ở đây mãi tới gần tối mới về. Tụi nó vu vơ vớ nhầm quyền nhật kí mình viết năm cấp 2, cấp 3...mấy quyển lựng. Mình cho phép đọc luôn, đọc xong cả đám cười vật vã.

Hồi đấy mình bị thích DBSK và đặc biệt fan của Yunho, xong viết đủ thể loại thư tình các kiểu cho anh ấy như cuồng trong quyển nhật kí. Đọc lại là chỉ có nước muốn độn thổ do quá xấu hổ luôn í.

Tối hôm nay mình vui, tự nhiên gợi ra nhiều chuyện cũ thấy vui ghê :)) Nhưng mà cũng là đêm cuối rồi *nói nghe thảm vãi* nhưng ngày mai mình còn phải đi làm rồi và mình chắc cũng chẳng còn thời gian ngồi blog được nhiều như thế này nữa. Anw phải cố lên bằng mọi cách :) 

PS: Cái tên entry đặt nghe buồn cười nhỉ =)) Nhưng mình hết ý tưởng rồi :)) Đặt để kỉ niệm nhẫn ngón út của hội 4 con hâm :3

Sunday, April 12, '15

Today I had an interview for a new job at a so-called food court and beverage. It is beyond my description, its outward appearance is similar to a restaurant but it comprises various counters such as ice-cream, sushi, buffet, bar and food. The owner was a French man, though the person that interviewed me was a Vietnamese manager. 

Haha As other interviews, I always speak much more than the recruiters do lolz~ This interview this time was not such an exception, the Vietnamese manager seemed quite content with me answering his questions with all the energy and enthusiasm I had :')

Anyway, I passed the "first round" and still had another one with the French boss a few days later. Generally, it is a bustling place and I'm going to have my hands full in order to keep pace up with the tempo of the restaurant. Besides, the wage is pretty okay :)) I'm pleased!

Okay, here is another thing about today. How self-centered and selfish I am when I'm steadily aware of how less important I appear to those who favour and love me very much, I become upset and uneasy inside just because their concern for me is no longer enough to me :)) Not good not good, girl!

As I'm under the impression that I'm coming to the thin line between the dark and bright side of me, I have a tendency to talk to sifu Li and hope that he will make me less "mean" than my current emotions are forcing me to be.

Honestly, sometimes I get used to become the first position in too many people and it must be dreadfully irritating once they have to share their hearts with others and works. I am childish and shamefully needy :3 I'll be jealous and cross if I suddenly drop the place where I am proudly standing in someone's heart. Someone here, I mean, is not only boyfriend but also many kind of close friends and close brothers :') Uhm, I'm satiable and such an annoying child demanding too much from others while there are very few individuals amongst them that means special to me :)

I'm sorry! I ask others to give me the special position, the number one in their heart but I can't give them back the same thing. This is one of my terrible vices. Sifu Li knows them all and he is fixing me somehow :') Actually I'm getting better and better everyday :D

That's all for today!

Night,

xoxo

Hal

Bon week-end!

Ding dong, here I am again!

The French speech was such a disaster to me since I had my English accent during the time speaking French although the teacher was quite easy to my group because of its well-made preparation and contents in details. Well,  maybe I'm harsh to myself again :p

Anyway, what a relief for the weekend! it almost stressed me out within the week because of French. I rarely speak French and am not absolutely familiar to the language, both of listening and speaking skill, to be honest. I am just okay at writing and reading, particularly grammar.

Last night, we had a little toastmaster meeting in intimacy between members to discuss if we should make it as a part of international organization and how to develop this one more widely. Because of the French presentation, yeah again, my mind was somewhere above the cloud and I was clueless of how to suggest any idea during the meeting. Fortunately, not many people paid attention on me or asked me something, otherwise they would recognize that I had already got lost the track of the discussion,

After the speech, I treated myself nicely tonight having a cup of cappucino with my mentor-Adam, his wife-Emi, Frankie and his gf at a cafeteria at the corner of Thong Nhat and Phan Boi Chau street. Adam asked me to report Frankie the whole contents that we had discuss previous night, perhaps to check if I ever remembered anything lolz~ I certainly kind of remind of some main points instead of going to details since I had not really focused on the last meeting at all. I explained above :)))

In recent time, I always complained with Adam that I was upset and stressed due to the French speech with the sticker *frown* or *sad* which was supposed to be not like me in reality at all, he said =)))) Tonight he asked if I could draw the sad face like the icon I always text him lolz~ and I just laughed out loud. Yeah, I love smiling and can't stop laughing all the time I meet him and others. Most of the time I have something like sadness, I often become very quiet and so cold as ice that fears others around :| It's like emotionless, not like sadness.

Yeah, I'm not good at explaining but my friends get this :p All in all, tonight was indeed cosy and lovely to me after the whole week under pressure. They were kinda and nice people, treating me very well...like a little sister of whom they wish to take care :p I'm truly grateful!!!!

Okay, enjoy the week-end yeah :)))

Love ya,

xoxo

Hal

Ờ lại một mình

Mình thật sự đang rất stress, đang rất mệt mỏi và muốn bỏ hết khỏi làm một cái khỉ khô gì nữa cả rồi muốn ra thế nào thì ra. Nhưng tiếc quá mình chả bao giờ có thể sống kiểu không có trách nhiệm như vậy được, mà một khi đã muốn làm thì tự động ép bản thân mình tới nghẹt thở luôn, lúc nào cũng nghĩ phải làm thật tốt không thì thôi chẳng chịu nổi.

Buồn cười kiểu mình chuyên gia đi làm bài hộ, viết bài hộ, suy nghĩ hộ, search thông tin và làm y như bài của mình. Rồi đến lúc nguy cấp như này mình định hỏi han vài thứ thì chẳng ai rãnh xuất hiện giúp mình một tí. 

Giúp ở đây không phải là làm hộ mình, suy nghĩ hộ mình như cái kiểu mình đi làm dùm người khác. Mà tính mình thì cũng chẳng bao giờ muốn ai làm hộ mình cả vì mình không thích nhờ kiểu hoàn toàn thế. Cơ mà kiểu chuyện của chung nhưng cứ làm như chuyện của một mình mình ấy, chẳng ai quan tâm chẳng ai để ý hỏi xem mình làm tới đâu rồi.

Con người sống đúng kiểu siêu ích kỉ đi! Làm gì cũng phải làm một mình, giúp người khác cũng phải làm một mình, lúc cần giúp cũng chẳng ai available nên đành lại làm một mình :)) Nhiều khi tủi thân oán hận dễ sợ xong kiểu thấy cũng chẳng được gì, nên thôi kiểu lầm lũi lại ngồi một mình làm vậy.

Thì có sao đâu :)) Thật ra nếu kêu sư phụ thì chắc cũng không tới nỗi, nhưng mà thôi mình đành tự thân vận động vậy. Sư phụ là người mình không nên hỏi han nhất lúc này, vì mình biết chắc chắn sư phụ sẽ lại giúp và giúp nhiều hơn những gì mình mong đợi. Nên thôi không hỏi nữa!

Tự làm vậy! Dạo này ăn gì mà cái thể loại negative cứ bay vào đầu vậy nhỉ? Chán! Than thì kệ mình, blog mình mà. Nói chung là đếch muốn nói chuyện hay như thế nào với ai nữa. Bạn thì ít, còn lại toàn bè ai nấy nổi. Chừng nào sắp chết thì lại kêu mình =.= Không muốn nói nữa! 

Happy Easter day'15

The speech was mediocre due to the fact that I was too nervous to concentrate on either my words or the well-prepared content. To make it worse, I failed to make eye-contact with all the audience while speaking. I looked at somewhere else out of the place and attempted to remember what was running on my mind at that time. Gosh, it was to me such a disaster but why all of people there kept sending me some nice words and compliment that I had to idea if I should feel proud, happy and content or get more worried about the true value of the speech that I delivered. 

Despite of Adam's stomach ache today, he was still there and tried to support my spirit before going to the stage and then said to me that he was proud of me. Well, it meant a world to me and encouraged me a lot. What's more, Emilia also texted me that the first speech always is the difficult time in someone's memories, so the point is that "sleep with an idea" idiom from Polland might help me next time ;)

Since today was Easter, I was offered a super-duper cute couple of smiling eggs :') What a nice present from Frankie! I do appreciate his eggs brought through the way to the meeting and contributed to each person lolz~

All in all, the meeting was hilarious and awesome today. I scarcely believe that it has been a month passing by in a wink. Okay, I'm done with English! It's time to immerse the whole next week in French for the imminent presentation about "Le travail au Vietnam des jeunes". Merde!!! I'm tired =;=

Au revoir,

xoxo

Hal

What a gabby weekend!

I would like to jot down a little bit before focusing on my essay with no more procrastination, I promise! This morning I had an appointment with Adam and we did have a remarkably conversation involved in countless of subjects apart from the speech that I would deliver the following day. It took around four hours uninterruptedly talking to each other in a friendly way as if he was one of my close friends ever. 

He told me that it was surprising since I had stored a bunch of interesting subjects and stories in my mind when talking to others. Not many Vietnamese people managed to talk as much as I was doing, particularly due to the fact that English is not my mother tongue in fact lolz~ Should I confess that I mostly chat to my close friends in English and sometimes in French too?! Vietnamese doesn't seem to be the best way if you are about to confide in something really sentimental, you know, yeah in case you're Vietnamese, you'll get the point!

Speaking to him for hours this morning gave me the thoughts of how awful my spoken English was. Nah, I'm not humble...it's like I'm fine with mastering this language but only in a written way, not spoken one because I have not been put in an English environment where I'm capable of being forced to use this language all the time which obviously contributes to my fluency. I'll try, though!

Okay, my speech was well-made and sorta all right thanks to his personal advice and experiences throughout a couple of years participating in the Toastmaster organization and becoming an essential member by now :) I love listening to his stories and he was more than willing to share his ideas with me. Adam is similar to my mentor at the moment :)) Honestly, we both are likely such loquacious people lolz~

By the way I received three parcels this afternoon from Lillie, a Hanoian with whom I have just become conversant in recent time, yet we seem indeed compatible. Most of my skincare product that I am using come from her :') She specialises in both skincare and cosmetic field and I am only keen on skincare routine without paying no attention to cosmetics :p

That's all for today! Gotta be offline and finish the essay ASAP! 

Nice weekend,

xoxo

Hal

Sorry me

It's my fault for procrastinating during the whole week, culminating in the inevitable terrible result that me being under the pressures of imminent deadlines on the weekend *frown* an 1500 word essay, the content for presentation in French and another in English for the next Toastmaster meeting...I have done none of them yet although I will have an appointment with Adam tomorrow morning.

As bff asked where my essay was, my hesitation had already given him the exact answer and he started to nearly yell at me "why are you procrastinating, Hal?" :( I could not possibly concentrate on anything in recent time for some unknown reason while he insisted on his theory that I was wasting my time too much on Internet and following several TV series simultaneously, that I didn't work one hundred percent capacity. Furthermore, I promised sifu Li to get fluent in both English and French...and the truth is I have not learned French lately, to be honest. 

I didn't fully abide by my promise to both of them who cares and loves me the most after my parents :'( It is such a shame to me :((( I'm indeed in a mess and unable to comprehend by what supernatural power I manage to deal with those deadlines within such a very short term like this.

Okay I reap what I sow =)) I have no right to be here and rant continuously on anything. Gotta get off for working :( It is very naughty of me during years not changing in the least!!!!!

Bye,

Hal

Bị hạnh phúc ngập mặt

Sáng nay thằng bạn mình sang rước đi xem bói (vâng con nhỏ mê tín và tội thằng tài xế), xong rồi hai đứa đi ăn uống ngồi nói chuyện xuyên trưa khoảng 3 tiếng đồng hồ cuối cùng vẫn chưa hết chuyện để mà nói. Buồn cười kiểu nó bảo chứ điều mà nó ít thích nhất là mình chơi thân với con trai quá nhiều chứ không nó cũng quen mình lolz~ 

Mình chỉ cười phá lên xong bảo kiểu chỉ chơi được với con trai, mấy anh mấy bạn thường cưng với chiều mình nhất thôi :') Con gái cũng thân nhưng kiểu một là thương mình cực thương hoặc hai là ghét cực ghét thế nên mặc kệ mấy bạn =))) Bọn Tây trai gái gì cũng thương mình mà. Tóm lại là số lượng người thương nhiều hơn số lượng người ghét, vậy đó nha!

Mới nãy pm Adam bảo thôi cho mình hoãn lại tại mình không có tự tin nói khỉ khô gì chủ nhật này hết. Chưa có chuẩn bị mà cũng lười thấy bà luôn =))) Mình nói mà cũng sợ bị làm phiền lòng người khác tại mọi người suốt ngày chứ "it's the best position for you" xong lúc nói là thôi cho tui hoãn nha do tui thấy chắc tui không nói được quá. Gớm lắm :)) 

Xong đại loại là Adam nói mình thế này "I understand that you are afraid - normal thing. Last time Emi also drops at the last minute and she has a lot of experience. But the only way I know to overcome it is to push you. If you want I can be your evaluator and I can help you prepare yourself better. Can be one time offer. Decision is yours. I'm just standing up to my goal. And of course I like you"

Cái ngày gì ở đâu nhiều người confess thương yêu mình nồng nàn thế này :o từ trai sang gái nha nha nha! Tự nhiên bị hưng phấn ngập ngàn hạnh phúc cười toét miệng hạnh phúc siêu siêu vui :)) Không nói điêu chứ hôm nay hơi bị nhiều người bảo thương. Bình thường thì vẫn có nhưng confess kiểu như này thì không đùng phát nhiều thế =)))

Thôi nói nhiều quá kẻo xong lại thành tự kiêu rồi kiểu lại bị ghét vô duyên. Đùa đấy chứ hôm nay mình vui thật, mọi người kiểu dễ thương với mình quá dù hôm nay đếch phải sinh nhật Hallie nhé :| 

Nhiều khi mình thấy mình bị ghét cũng không sai :)) Vì mình là đứa dễ khiến người khác cảm nhận sâu sắc sự không bằng khi có một vài người đối đãi với mình kiểu siêu tốt mà mình cũng không hiểu vì sao. 

Hôm nay ngoài biển có pháo hoa do hình như kỉ niệm 40 năm giải phóng Khánh Hòa thì phải. Rất ngạc nhiên vì năm nay mình chưa có xem cái pháo hoa nào luôn nhưng chẳng buồn gì mấy chắc do mình già rồi :))

Đi học bài :D Nãy nói chuyện với sư phụ bảo "đệ tử nhớ sư phụ muốn xỉu mà ko dám pm đó :(" ổng chắc cũng phát sợ nhỏ đệ tử láu cá này luôn =)) Hông mà nhớ thiệt bộ :')

Bị hưng phấn! 

Yêu mọi người,

Hal

PS: Vì sao người em cần thương lại không thương em :( 

April Fool's day '15

This morning was greeted by some hoax stories and I foolishly believed in them without the least suspicion due the completely forgetting what date today was. It must have cracked my friends up since there was such an April fool like me around on the first day of the month.

Having more than a week gone by, as my bff's prediction, I have still procrastinated and got distracted by a wide variety of other entertainment which lead me to nowhere and disappoint his expectation of me with an extraordinary cover letter to apply the program. 

The failure seems to be certain, though he hopes that I shall take the risk and experience how to master steps for applying to a program. Either ways, I am supposed to do my utmost in order to feel regretful after the tight deadline drops down and I'm incapable of doing the most of my ability, then a crappy essay would be obviously the consequence...

In actuality, I have already written down the outline in details with several previous days and the point is that I'm clueless of the exact time when I'm ready to be on the right track writing the essay and simply letting the words run out of my brain on the papers. 

The more I talk to bff, the more I brutally sense the bitter fact that half of my time has been a waste for nonsense. He has a very strict schedule, proudly the "talk to Hallie" note is always on his long schedule lolz~ Uhm... *rolling*

I assume that I'd better leave the visual world for a period of time, particularly facebook and some kind of other social media so as to focus on my essays and Ielts practice because time does not wait for me and I cannot wait, either.

This month includes a shedload of significant things in need to finish with the greatest efforts and productivity that I have ever done, proving how exactly the outcome for years of learning English would be. Besides, I intended to have a visit to Saigon this summer and take the Ielts examination filling the gap of requirement for future application forms if necessary. However, I rather hesitate since I am no longer eager to return the city combined with untold sorrows regarding someone that I should never call by name. Plus, it must count a sum of money while I calculated it for a journey to another holiday destination with either my family or my close friends. 

It sounds complex, ain't it?! Okay, firstly I'm going to write the essay tonight with no more procrastination, then learn French, read a book and get to sleep as soon as I can manage. Early in the next morning, it will be the time for Ielts skills =.= Chivvy along!!!!!!

Ace,

Hal

======

A friend of mine broke up today...out all of sudden! The same situation as mine over one year ago :) I did not say much, just kept silent and let her pouring out all of her melancholy on me, then end up with this statement:

"Dear, look at me :) Hallie in the September in 2013 cried her heart out, a broken heart, the most brutal pain that she had ever experienced and she thought she would be never able to live without him. Not once, but several times previously by the same person. But here I am :)) alive in front of you in the best form. Although I'm uncertain of the possibility that I can get over him and move on, there is something for sure that everything is really going to be all right :) Time doesn't heal any pain, but it does make it better a little bit even without the one you love the most. And yes, pain is a part of our lives and anyone has to get through it whether you like it or not. It makes us human-being...someday we will learn from the present pain. I promise, it won't hurt you long!"

That's all the thing I can advise :) Hope she'll be fine tomorrow!

"Chuyện nam nữ có thể đem lại cho bạn những phút giây thăng hoa ngọt ngào, nhưng nó cũng là mầm mống của những khổ đau. Bởi thất vọng, nỗi buồn đều sinh ra từ hạnh phúc trước đó." - Yến Nhi bạn mình