Dear diary,
Having watched the episode 19 of my most favourite TV series "Revenge" season 4, there was something flooding in my head and I supposed I'd better write them down, saving them here as a folder of unforgettable memories and also marking it as the turning point of my life whether others would like this or not.
Emily Thorne is the role model that I am constantly hoping to emulate because she has a powerful inner strength, great mind, a capacity of anticipating what others would do to hurt her and beyond all, she has a good heart regardless of how many innocent victims indeliberately got involved into his plan for revenge. In recent episodes, nevertheless, she came to explode her true identity and way back to the little angel Amanda. No more revenge. No more pain. On the purpose of reaching the true happiness and entire tranquility that she had been chasing for so long.
I was truly glad for her since during the previous seasons she had to confront too many pains to easily get recovered again. Someone in the series would say Emily was not a human-being but a machine, a monster and also such an unique, blood-thirsty snowflake. Most rarely seem to favour her for several ruthless behaviours towards her foes, but I do sympathy with her as sometimes I am too put in conditions that I would like to force others suffer the same things they did.
I learn lessons from Emily. I taste her certain dramas, untold sorrows and even the ultimate agony when loosing the loved ones permanently with an obvious idea that you have no other option but accepting the fact that they would no longer exist on the Earth. Each of the deepest conner of her grieves, I'm able to put myself in her shoes and comprehend what her extreme reactions comes out for.
None of us here would like to make their lives in suffering, of course. Though, c'est la vie! The more you grow up, the more cruel facts that you have to learn how to face and deal with. You will definitely become more vulnerable, more sensitive and weaker than ever just because of the pains which others tear you down, either on purpose or not, those are mere tasteless excuses, giving no help but gradually fading away your belief in people.
One day, you disappear for a while and make a comeback in a complete fresh version, like Emily Thorne I mean, virtually all of your so-called beloved ones barely recognise you, then behave way strangers to you since your transformation triggers the false ideas in their heads. Who's going to cease this?! Despite this, it is the time for you to see anyone left amongst a bunch of close friends you thought you had...very few genuine friends would stay, even only one but the person must be someone who is more than willing to sacrifice his life for you. Well, I'm telling about Nolan - the only partner of Emily :') They both made a great dynamic duo!!
You know, if only I could possibly trade all of the so-called friends at the moment for such a true friend like Nolan. A friend reads me like a book, instantly becomes anxious when I disappear all in sudden, confides in me as things weigh down his heart, supports me no matter what takes care and loves me as if we had the solid bond of family members. A best friend for life. A dynamic duo ;) And more importantly, the friend would accept me for who I am and believe that anything I have done always has their reasons behind, instead of blaming me for not being able to remain the previous version that he would know. That's the ultimate point I'm looking for....
It seems none of my so-called friends are going to put themselves in my shoes and try to figure what is going on with me. Or at least, keep patience with me to see if this transformation is good or not. Rather stating their questions for me about this change with much anxiety, instant judgment and attitudes in disapproval are everything that I have received. They supposed they knew what would be the best for me, didn't they?!
Given that Emily Thorne was the superior version, in a tough head wisely dealing with many difficult circumstances and surviving in the chaotic society where the majority belongs to villains, ain't it correct for me to have this kind of version, the second identity that helps me out of all the storms ahead, obviously in a good way though? Success and utter happiness are the best weapons for me to revenge because nothing good comes from dwelling in the past and making yourself suffer all the time as if you were such a feeble victim :)) You know, nothing is driving people crazier than seeing me having a good fucking life, right?!
I would like to bottle my emotions up in a comfort zone for a long period, concentrating on my languages and working as a freelancer, practising vegetarianism, teaching myself not to trust people, getting rid of certain dramas that will potentially harm me out of nowhere, putting no one higher than the position that he/she deserves and no longer either criticizing or getting influenced by others. Neither kind of proper faith nor complete kindness towards others should be remained in me due to the purpose of safe-and-sound. Like a snowflake, frozen but beautiful, getting through the toughest season of year, that's the way I did learn from Emily Thorne. As long as I won't rip away the good heart of the little former me, all the reasons for this transformation is encouraged, certainly for the better life :)
As the time I am writing these opinions down, my consciousness is totally clear. Not in a condition that I am running away from the reality that everything is likely against me, culminating in those so-called negative thoughts mentioned above lolz~ To be honest, I am perfecting the life in my own way and I myself am clearly aware of what is good for me, not someone else. Therefore, if anyone may not consent me, leave it or take it...whatever :') It's none of my business again, dear!
Besides, I'm on the first pages of a self-help book, a spiritual genre. You can feed your life by initially fostering your soul and inner spirit. I believe that's the priority! Well, books, learning languages, writing articles, following my favourite TV series or doramas and making myself own great pleasure without any help from others are all the best ways I'm treating my life. All in all, I'd better live in the world belonging to only me :) I'm too bound up to waste my time on crap.
What a long entry, again! lolz~ I'mma off for showering, watching the episode 20 and then meeting Adam for a drink, learning French, continuing to read the book and yeah enjoying the night in peace. How relieved of me to be for now! Breathe in and out...and life is~
Much love for me ❤
xoxo
Hal
PS: Each time I listen to the song "For you" - Angus & Julia Stones, I am always reminded of the little Amanda in laughter running along the beach along with his father, Jack and the puppy Sammy, giving the reason to believe that no matter how Emily Thorne is becoming, her soul still belongs to that innocent little Amanda, free from schemes and "For the first time, I have no idea what's coming next" :) It's peaceful...perfectly suit the melody~ Love it xxx
Some says loyalty inspires boundless hope and while that may be there's a catch. True loyalty takes years to build and only seconds to destroy.
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