(pix: dear Hogwarts, I am always a Raver who is zealous to open the sky of knowledge lolz~ I miss Harry Potter's magical world somehow)
Tears filled and blurred my eyes all the way home. Literally I failed to hold my emotions longer, thus I broke into tears even on the street, ignoring the curious looks from people passing through me.
The scholarship that I perfectly deserve to get has been fallen into someone else's hand for an unwarranted reason. My only motive for studying seriously in this damn shitty school seems to decline and I have no idea how to put up with this situation. So frankly speaking, it is frustrating and gloomy to have to carry on my study in this kind of environment. Since I got my ass back here, I certainly could draw the vision of depression that I would be confronted during next years. Yet it turns out darker than I could possibly imagined.
Teachers tends to force students to study as the way they want. They reckon it would be the best for us, while it is simply opposite. How old are we? Just little pupils from high school who need teachers to show what to do at home? Excuse me, it is in vain because I hate that kind of learning. It is my responsibility to decide what and how to study individually. Don't make a fool of me when I finish my homework just to please you without gaining any knowledge from the action. Their teaching just builds dependence in students' mind; it can't help anything!
Passive students also are such a big issue. The atmosphere in classroom often becomes silent and boring which either makes teachers sick of giving lessons to these students but also I myself no longer want to attend the class. If I raise my hand, I quickly appear as someone who would like to show off or boast about myself while the truth is that I have a pity on the person standing up there, trying to make us speak and give our opinions but nobody seems to open their mouth. It is tiring, eh?! Sometimes I have to design a game for my class, but all of my efforts to think and create is just a waste of time for passive students hardly show any interest in my product. Sure enough, they neglect teachers' lessons, so what's mine?
As a matter of fact, I am an active student but hardly adapt to this sort of environment. My skills are likely getting worse a little bit more each day because of drowning in the school like mud. I hate to deal with them, particularly the adults in student service centre whose treatments are awfully wretched as if I come to beg some pennies from their pockets. What the hell!!!!
If only my parents could possibly get my points of view, they would see how much I have been enduring in this school; sadly they can't. That's the reason why I quickly become a kid unattainable in my family. I certainly love them with all my heart; however, it is impossible to let them into my world any more once they refuse to sympathize me. In other words, their generation has passed by that pushes them away from this daughter's ideas. My ambitions and goals of life is further and bigger than them. And nobody from my school has such a complicated head like me. They pursue simple and little dreams that anyone enables to achieve. In the meantime, I feel so upset and not content with the present...nothing at all but the happy family that I have for my own.
Am I wrong? Is is true if I myself am the person who puts tough difficulties and hardships on my shoulder?
If I had a very narrow view of the world, I would probably have consented to my current situation and end up my life with those boring and stupid things like those above. However, from my great perception of Western environment, I am deeply eager for an opportunity to set my foot there someday in order to enhance my knowledge. I am not stupid and lazy but truly in need of a right place to prove my ability and feel proud of myself.
I need my value to be recognized equitably :) I wish to have a real team to discuss and study with enthusiastic members that always encourage and share excellent ideas to help each other, working seriously and responsibly. No more kind of campus group in Vietnam: either the most excellent student has to complete everything or members in group will argue with each other all the time because they suppose their opinions must be the best and others' is junk lolz~ their ego's size is as big as Kim Kardashian's butt!!
How to improve and develop with those shallow people? Damn it! I even have no right to receive the scholarship for one of the highest outcomes that I have paid by my efforts and passions. It drove me crazy so badly that I only covet to drop out immediately. This evening, I wept uncontrollably thinking about what I'd missed in my life - years, efforts, finances, brain and even inspiration and passion. I have lost them all for the bullshit!!
People in Vietnam seem to take pride in Vietnamese ones studying and working overseas on account of excellent achievements and reputation widely in the world. But you must know one thing, they succeed due to the fact that they are brought up in another environment, not in Vietnam. Otherwise, their talents would be just a waste in Vietnam as well. Call it "brain drain"! I rather feel sorry for my country than proud of this point.
I'm also a Vietnamese, having a special love for this country as well. Nevertheless, I often wonder how far the next generations would go if education system remains the same shortcomings at school. Teachers follow their old-fashioned methods and students keep learning exactly what teachers ask them to do, being passive and silent all the time in class because of feeling shy or lazy to raise their hands and deliver opinions. Gradually they lack or even lose confidence and many important skills like thinking, oral presentation and creation. Honestly why do they have to mind those skills since teachers would give everything and show them prepared ways, eh?! But who will be their "teachers" in the future? Who will draw their road up and guide them what to do? Who?
I don't know...
I don't know where my destination is, either.
But one thing for sure, I indeed require a better place to settle and reform the quality of life as soon as possible. Promise myself that I will lead my next generations to another method of education and prepare all the best things for them before stepping into real life because life is not a bed of rose but it is full of thrones.
Sorry for grumbling so far :') I'm gonna shut up and try to deal, even though it is far more difficult to deal with this damn university than do mathematics. I choose to fight with obstacles instead of avoiding them, but failing to face the situation for this time *soulless smile* Hopefully mom and dad will understand me...jk they will never do.
Make a wish: I'd love to flee to Swiss asap so as to study abroad. For God's sake, save me NOW because I'm nearly out of my limit and utterly exhausted to dead!!!!
Bless me,
Hal
PS: Why isn't my mother tongue English? lolz~ Writing in English looks more comfortably for me to express and explain my ideas neatly than in Vietnamese. What's wrong with me? =))
