I was wrong :)

"love is not about how much you say "I love you" but how much you prove that it's true."

I ususally say these three words to you...

but you are the only one who proves it completely regardless of your wordless.

Today I eventually came to know his obstacles, his business and his real world that I had tooken amiss for a long time.

I'm truly feeling guilty and remorse for what I've done so far - childish thoughts and impulsive behaviors towards him.

To be perfectly honest, I greatly comprehend that he is leading such a hectic period; however, my simple brain just followed it in a super easy way that he ain't busy that much. All the freaking word "busy" to me is merely an excuse to cover his bad attitudes towards me for instance he doesn't either text or regard me in the least (actually he does, he always does but I hardly know it ).

At the moment, I've understood him already...

Although he's busy, he always tries to spend his time with me.

Although he's busy, he attempted to hang out with me.

Although he's busy, he attempted to pamper each childish ided in my little head.

Although he's busy, he always tries to spend hours only listening to my grumble, nonsense and other adsurb stories in my life; sometimes they are my complaints about him.

Although he's busy, he always tries to hear me murmuring agaisnt him for making me pissed off.

Although he's busy, he did read over a Chinese novel named "How far is forever?" - such a love story containted ours in there, too. It's like the story written for us: the same situation, the same things, the same thoughts, the same story :') The book is not his favorite sort of book, yet he did for me.

...

I said to him " You don't know me. You don't love me. You have no the fucking smallest clue about how I feel, what I want and what a girl may think. You're selfish. You only think of yourself. You're blah blah like this and you blah blah like that~" That's such a big shame of me as I hark back to what I've done to him.

It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I really am :(

Now I've got the reason why he decided not to set a relationship between us; because he read me like a book and knew me so well that he supposed I would be sensitive and obviously in distress since it is impossible to take care of me enough as a boyfriend at this time while he's got a ton of things to work and to think.

I was wrong. Is it too late to fix it?!

I asked him to understand me...but I never try doing the same thing for his sake.

I love him.

...and I promise I shan't put any burdern on his shoulers once more time. 

Over four years :) How much has he suffered me after all those years?

Love,

xoxo

Hal

Tâm sự đêm khuya

*Beep* bây giờ là 1h05 rồi!

Vừa ngoan ngoãn ngủ sớm được vài đêm với mục đích để đẹp da tươi sáng và tinh thần minh mẫn lên mà cuối cùng lại thành cú đêm hư đốn như này rồi.

Nhìn vào gương trông mặt panda ngu si chết bỏ :( Nãy giờ ngồi ráng xếp timetable cái này nhét cái nọ cho khoa học để hạn chế thời gian lên trường. Cuối cùng cũng xong được sau mấy tiếng vật lộn với vài chục cái lịch dạy của mấy thầy cô. Chán ghê nhờ!

Có một thứ dễ thương là sắp học nhảy lại :') Cứ mà bay bổng uốn éo loi choi cho nó đẹp dáng :3

Nãy vừa nói chuyện với anh xong. Dạo này mình vẫn quậy quọ anh nhiều thứ quá, từ trước tới giờ luôn ỷ lại anh mọi thứ. Có chuyện gì thì cũng réo vì hông cần phải suy nghĩ nhiều. Nên dù vài phút trước dù có tự nổi giận tự gây sự với anh một chặp, rồi xong vài tiếng sau gặp rắc rối gì thì cũng tự động lại pm kêu anh trước :( Em bị dở hơi! Sao anh vẫn chịu được em nhỉ?

Hết tuần này là đi học lại đó. Buồn quá. Mình vẫn còn lười và muốn nằm nhà. Vẫn thích tự học, tự làm rồi tự biết mình tới đâu hơn là tốn thời gian lên lớp đối phó với mấy ông thầy bà cô chả hiểu tâm lý sinh viên gì cả.

Có mà sắp chuẩn bị ôn luyện lại tiếng Pháp gấp. Dành thời gian thật nhiều thật nhiều vì dạo này mình toàn luyện phim chưởng nên nghe hết được rồi, cả Anh lẫn Pháp đều trở nên hổng quen mặt mình nữa rồi.

Hông được hông được...tóm lại như này là hông tốt hông tốt. Từ ngày mai phải lo chỉnh đốn lại học hành cho tử tế mới được, biết chưa? Hal ơi là Hal~

Bây giờ đi ngủ.

Nite nite

xoxo

Family - my heavy thing

There is one certain thing that I wouldn't deny: I truly love this family. But it is frustrasting and heavy since I can't get along with my parents who likely have not even a little clue about my thoughts. 

No wonder why each child always tends to find their peers to confide and tell everything about their lives; they surely love their parents but can't get the same sympathy from them. 

It crosses my mind that I will fight with my parents if I make them sit for a while and seriously talk about what I'm really coveting. Sometimes they think they have done the best for me - a future full of roses and pinky things while it actually turns out so damn bad to me in reality. 

Tell them?! How absurd of them to pay attention to what such a little child like me is saying. Beneath the folks' perception, I'm just a 20-year-old kid and in need of careful protection from family. Then I'm sick of either explaining or expressing my emotions before them. Once they don't know me, they will never do.

If only I could have a lighter in my hand right now, I would be keen on burning the damn school that I'm in. Yup, I'm just a bad girl. I'm jealous of my friends who are enjoying better environment and campus. As a matter of fact, they are capable of chasing their own dreams and ambition, taking good opoturnities to prove themselves so that adults will approve and recognize it highly. 

At my current school, it's such a beautiful mess and shallow people that I don't mind to let them bother my life. I can't say anything or do something so different from my classmates if I want to carry on next years in peace. Difference here means you shouldn't raise your hand too many times at class while other lazy students don't; you shouldn't ask your teachers various answers in his periods; you must do something useless that adults think it's the best for you; you must bribing into getting your qualification soon or simply passing your credits; you only know how to flatter your teachers then you will win :)

My parents reckon they know and understand very clearly about my world, but actually they don't. They can't step into my world any centimetre for I've shut the door up already since the day our conversation was merely either silence or quarrels.

For a time, I'd tell them about my school life and the whole damn education and I said I couldn't bear being confronted with those unfair things anymore. A silent treatment was the reply for me. At that time, I desperately craved to find a safe haven for me to escape the ugly fact; only tears and wounded ego were my companions during the dark period. 

However, time is flying and I'm changing a little by little. I'm no longer that weak and vulnerable girl in the past with negative thoughts. I'm more mature and better, learning how to adapt and deal with it despite its harshness.

I'm still such a child in their eyes no matter how many years are passing by :)

I'm obediently playing the childish role to please them on their account.

I owe them this life.

I owe them everything.

Above all, I do love them.

.

.

You can't choose the family to be born

...but you can choose the life you want to make.

For the least happiness to me at the moment, I'm fond of staying under one roof with beloved people and thank God, they are healthy and gleeful about the idea of possesing me again. I'm still in their overprotective hands.

It's funny, but it's true!

Fighting,

Hal

August 25th, '13

I hate when people say something not nice about the ones I love the most. Anyone in this world has every right to speak ill of me or even make up fake stories about me for some reasons, I swear I don't mind and I will let them go.

However, it would be out of my limit if you dare to harm my beloved ones. Today I decied to block a friend from my facebook as he metioned the person I love in a dirty way. 

I do respect others even the fucking asshole although he is certainly not worth any penny from my pocket if I pay for his value. 

Sometimes I feel so tired to hear stupid things from dirty mouths, yet I'm trying to control my anger and be as nice as possible :') You know, I don't want to lower myself down to their level to lift them to my level, rite?!

That's the reason why I'm still here and typing these lines with a cool head.~ 

I miss this blog so :p

Hal

Linh tinh rồi!

Dạo này chẳng có gì đặc biệt nên lười blog quá!

Chỉ có nằm nhà, ăn, ngủ, đọc truyện rồi xem phim thôi. Mình bị nhớ anh quá :'( Hôm qua có nhắn tin, có nói chuyện được một xíu xiu thôi nhưng mình vẫn thấy thế là chưa đủ.

Vừa mới làm mình khó chịu cau có xong rồi lại dỗ mình xong rồi đấy.

Nghe bảo đầu tháng 9 là phải đi học lại rồi. Chán chết bà nó -_- Mình là thích tính toán bấm máy liên tục cho nó trí thức, mà cái trường bịnh hoạn này lại nhồi cho mình toàn mấy môn Ngôn ngữ học cứ như thể tốt nghiệp xong ra mình sẽ thành thông dịch viên íh

Chán wá, nhiều khi muốn đào ngũ ghê. Muốn đi Thụy Sỹ học đúng chuyên ngành của mình, làm đúng những thứ mình thích nhưng sao lâu quá như này.

Mọi chuyện rồi sẽ như nào nhỉ?

Dạo này hoang mang nhiều thứ quá. Hông biết có nên expect vào một cái miracle hông nữa? Mọi thứ huyền ảo đẹp quá tới nỗi hông có can đảm mà tin nữa.

Muốn đi chơi tung tẩy với bạn bè như hồi ở Sài Gòn.

Muốn cafe nói chuyện nhảm nhí.

Muốn cãi nhau với anh.

Muốn lại nắm tay anh.

Muốn lại nói rất nhiều và rồi bị anh mắng cho là đồ nhiều chuyện phiền phức =]

Bị khùng cmnr :)) Chắc do trời bão nên tâm trạng mới vầy.

Hi vọng vài bữa có cái gì hay hay để viết blog nữa ha :(

Monday, August 12th, 2013

Since I got home, I've become too lazy to write any post on this blog. Partly it's because my mind is busy with complicated thoughts and unwritten feelings about him, about our no-named relationship. 

I love him and I know he does. But this is not the right time to set something certain as relationship like others, he has his own world into which I am never allowed to step.

I love this no-named relationship. 

I don't mind if he does not text me always to say something sweet to me.

I don't mind if he shan't call me at all next time.

I don't mind if he treats me as if I'm nothing to him because he throws me into a special no-named piece of heart.

... because he is at the present too busy to pay attention to me. We are actually not ready for a relationship :)

Sometimes I just wonder the hidden reason why he simply left his 4 year effort in MIT and a good job  at Boeing to return to Vietnam that much easily, started over from zero and worked as a businessman. It's not my concern where he would be and what he becomes, yet it bothers me every now and then for I'm not sure whether or not this is his real dream. 

If only I could be together with him, listen to his situation and feelings. Then I'd hold his hand very tight to imply that I support him wholeheartedly no matter how crazy his decision may be.

*sigh* I really miss him!

It's still raining outside :( Aishhhhhh!!!

Okay okay, I'm not gonna be here to type and think lah lah anymore. 

Hey, I'm reading an interesting Chinese novel "Too late to say I love you" :') Yup, this sort of book never attracts him as he's merely fond of reading business books and things I have no idea about them. We're so different in some ways, yet we are still perfect two lah~

Mondays and rainy days always get me down...

Về nhà roài :x

Sau một tháng rong chơi bụi đời ở Sài Gòn, cuối cùng mình cũng đã trở về ngôi nhà yêu thương an toàn lành lặn. Được nằm trên cái giường to đùng của mình ngồi nhóp nhép nhai chocolate M&M, nghe nhạc, đọc sách, ôm gấu và làm vài chuyện điên rồi có một không hai.

Mình vẫn bị nhớ một vài người quan trọng ở SG. 

Quan trọng nhất là mình bị nhớ anh...

Mình biết anh bận như điên ấy. Mình biết mình phải nghĩ ít đi. Mình biết mình đừng làm quá nữa thì tốt hơn. Mình biết là bây giờ anh với mình chưa có phải người yêu của nhau. Mình biết mình không có được đòi hỏi phải được quan tâm thật nhiều.

Nhưng mình vẫn là muốn nghĩ.

Tự nhiên lại thèm lên mái nhà ngồi ngắm sao tự kỉ, đeo earphone vào rồi ngồi hát như con ngớ ngẩn quá.

Hôm nọ mình đã thấy được sao Thần Nông của mình rồi í.

Lâu rồi không vào blog này lèm bèm gì cả. Ở SG cứ gọi là bận rộn đi xõa quá, xõa về mệt chết được rồi lại nằm giỡn với bạn bè của mình tới tận khuya thì làm quái gì còn thời gian mà viết này nọ như giờ.

Ở đây có ba má nhưng hông có bạn bè thân yêu thương của mình.

Ba má có vẻ chiều mình quá...nhỡ mình hư thì như nào?!

Thôi đi đọc sách đây *lăn*