Family - my heavy thing

There is one certain thing that I wouldn't deny: I truly love this family. But it is frustrasting and heavy since I can't get along with my parents who likely have not even a little clue about my thoughts. 

No wonder why each child always tends to find their peers to confide and tell everything about their lives; they surely love their parents but can't get the same sympathy from them. 

It crosses my mind that I will fight with my parents if I make them sit for a while and seriously talk about what I'm really coveting. Sometimes they think they have done the best for me - a future full of roses and pinky things while it actually turns out so damn bad to me in reality. 

Tell them?! How absurd of them to pay attention to what such a little child like me is saying. Beneath the folks' perception, I'm just a 20-year-old kid and in need of careful protection from family. Then I'm sick of either explaining or expressing my emotions before them. Once they don't know me, they will never do.

If only I could have a lighter in my hand right now, I would be keen on burning the damn school that I'm in. Yup, I'm just a bad girl. I'm jealous of my friends who are enjoying better environment and campus. As a matter of fact, they are capable of chasing their own dreams and ambition, taking good opoturnities to prove themselves so that adults will approve and recognize it highly. 

At my current school, it's such a beautiful mess and shallow people that I don't mind to let them bother my life. I can't say anything or do something so different from my classmates if I want to carry on next years in peace. Difference here means you shouldn't raise your hand too many times at class while other lazy students don't; you shouldn't ask your teachers various answers in his periods; you must do something useless that adults think it's the best for you; you must bribing into getting your qualification soon or simply passing your credits; you only know how to flatter your teachers then you will win :)

My parents reckon they know and understand very clearly about my world, but actually they don't. They can't step into my world any centimetre for I've shut the door up already since the day our conversation was merely either silence or quarrels.

For a time, I'd tell them about my school life and the whole damn education and I said I couldn't bear being confronted with those unfair things anymore. A silent treatment was the reply for me. At that time, I desperately craved to find a safe haven for me to escape the ugly fact; only tears and wounded ego were my companions during the dark period. 

However, time is flying and I'm changing a little by little. I'm no longer that weak and vulnerable girl in the past with negative thoughts. I'm more mature and better, learning how to adapt and deal with it despite its harshness.

I'm still such a child in their eyes no matter how many years are passing by :)

I'm obediently playing the childish role to please them on their account.

I owe them this life.

I owe them everything.

Above all, I do love them.

.

.

You can't choose the family to be born

...but you can choose the life you want to make.

For the least happiness to me at the moment, I'm fond of staying under one roof with beloved people and thank God, they are healthy and gleeful about the idea of possesing me again. I'm still in their overprotective hands.

It's funny, but it's true!

Fighting,

Hal