Lessons in 20s

On the occasion of this special day, I would like to write a post on what life lessons I learned in my 20s. Of course this post is not going to be a public one because I only want to keep the very precious things in my own corner. 

Lesson 1: Dating and Marriage are different

A hearty thank to my beloved husband. I must put you first of all because it was such a bless to me when we were fated to meet, love, reflect and learn from each other to develop ourselves. 

The dating period was like a heaven on Earth since he treated me so well until I felt like a princess sometimes. But when it came to marriage life, I was taught to be more responsible and more dedicating to my beloved one. It should not just come from only one side’s efforts. My husband was always the one who sacrificed a lot for my happiness since the initial stage of dating until marriage.

Sometimes I was so childish and irresponsible to play a good role as a wife to take care of him, really consider his demands and put myself into his shoe to understand the hardship that he was getting through. I almost cried in regret when learning how much pressure he had to bear alone without any complaints to make sure that I was safe and sound.

The highlight of my 20s is obviously my marriage before 30s haha Don’t misjudge me. I was not afraid of being on the shelf until 30s, there was a target of the year 2020 (nice numbers) I had set long years ago back to my childhood that I wished to hit though. Finally I could make it on August 08, 2020. The wedding has not been celebrated due to the pandemic period for a few years but yea we got the marriage certificate already.

Lesson 2: My life has changed utterly thanks to the Buddhism

What should I say… my husband was the person who indeed brought me so deeply into this spiritual path - I learned about Buddhism, psychology, philosophy, mysticism and Daoism. Not only did he teach me about all these but also gave me the best conditions to concentrate more on this path.

Without him, I must have been somewhere right now in an office, working like a slave and being underestimated by others as I used to be.

Why I said I learned a lot but just mentioned Buddhism? Because only one word can cover all others. To me, it was the most blessed gift granted to me. Buddhism has changed the philosophy of my human life and I could be aware of my missions in this life and my destination to go after this life. I’m deeply grateful of what I possess in the present.

Lesson 3: I can be a diamond if I put myself in a right position

Before marriage, I always put myself in wrong positions. I used someone else’s standards to judge myself, to belittle my own achievements and got influenced by others’ words. I was so pointless of how my life should be, what I was so passionate about. Actually it was a bit obvious in my mind that I loved psychology at the young age but I was taught to accept the reality that dreams were forever dreams, the only way to have them was sleeping and never waking up haha

My husband was the very first person that had faith in me. He gave me compliments and supported me all the way to find my own values. I forever appreciate what he had done for me physically and mentally. 

As long as I don’t disregard the value of myself and must learn know where to put myself, I will be able to spark like a diamond and bloom like a flower. This lesson seems simple but it took years for me to learn before him. 

At the age of 28, I made the first baby step with something I am good at - which was writing. Then gradually I could create a small community to share, learn and teach one another many lessons about life and love. It was so nice to be in a position that I could be appreciated, loved and free to express my thoughts without considering how people would judge me, whether my opinions were appropriate to them. 

I have been doing this for two years. And now, I can gain more confidence in what I am doing. No shame. No fear. I am so proud of who I am today. 

Lesson 4: I must step out of my comfort zone

The lesson was merely an initial idea in the end of my 20s, I am going to make it come true at the very first stage of my 30s. I have been so used to work as an employee that I could never imagine someday I would have the courage to become the owner of myself. As a matter of fact, I am not such an ambitious girl who would run ahead for something called “success” by all means because my fear of failure was still there. I’d rather withdraw into my shell and slowly move to keep myself safe than run and get ready to confront all obstacles. I am not a little fighter at all.

Lesson 5: A soulmate is all I need

Another highlight of my 20s was my beloved soulmate out of my husband. She is such a sweet, caring and loving girl who lift me up, taught me so many things about life and could understand me even much more than my husband in a Buddhism way haha 

Don’t wanna compare but it’s the truth. I spent my 20s recklessly, but my 30s should be more seriously and strictly since it is the period of life to give away and be responsible of my own mistakes. I can’t blame on my innocence anymore. 

She is younger than me but her age soul must be much older and more mature somehow. My characters were quite influenced from her in a better way. 

She is also the one that I can confide in my private stories in the present to have all the best advices and learn more lessons for my own. The more I grow, the less I wanna pour all my negative energy on someone else. I learned to hold my emotions and solve with myself first before coming to ask someone for solutions if I could not come up with in advance. 

Thanks to her, I could become a healthy vegan. Last time, when I worked in Saigon, I always wanted to prepare healthy vegan meals and say NO to meats, my time and energy were limited though due to the crazy pressure at work. In the present, I can have full time at home as a homemaker, so I tried a few recipes from her first, then I could spend more time learning and doing research on nutrition, practicing how to balance my mind in some certain circumstances. 

Lesson 6: Be discipline!

This lesson must be kept up until the end of my life haha Long time no writing in English made my skill become blunt. So bad. I used to be so proud of my writing skill but after spending much time on writing in Vietnamese, English and French seem distant to me now.

From today on, I will force myself to write either a short or long post every week to make sure my blunt skill would be improved. Not for some certain targets but for myself and I love enjoying achievements by myself.

Lesson 7: Time will heal everything!

Last but not least, thank to all the darkest period time of my 20s, I have grown strong and independent now. Of course not 100% but more than 60% lol 

I’m not about making a long list of my painful lessons from 20s because it is unnecessary at all. What I should write were those lessons above to bear in my mind for years to come in my 30s. Nothing is permanent, only your soul is. 

***

The power is gonna cut soon. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, BAE 😘 You've done a good job in 20s. Wish you all the best in 30s. Bloom and Shine 🌟

Crazy me - 20.10

This is the second time I have watched the TV series Queen’s Gambit. Somehow this time made me feel so much more depressed and emotional than the last time watching together with my husband.

I could put myself into the heroine’s shoe so well that I almost lost myself for some reasons. Maybe it just came at the right time I needed something obvious to convey how about my current situation. 

I thought that dream would no longer come and haunt me, but it is still there no matter how many years have gone. The dream actually is a nice one - unlike a nightmare or something too negative to be acceptable. Whenever I come across any pictures, songs, or movies on the internet which recalls me of my dream, my heart always skips a beat and suddenly it rises again in me, tortures me and causes me to be indeed devastated.

Please don’t ask me how I am. There is no answer now. 

I feel lonely. My husband, my parents and my friends are always there for me but I chose to be alone. I know it sounds weird. I was the one who pushed everyone away from me, leaving me a space to lick my wounds and let them naturally heal. At the same time, I also needed an embrace from them, just their presence with no words, no judgment, no advice and of course their unconditional love. 

Yes, I admit that I need love. I do. But when it comes to love, there is something uncertain inside me which makes me want to keep the distance from others. I’d rather live in my own world and learn to be independent than count on someone. Maybe it was wrong but I could not pin it down. 

So the best medicine for my soul is writing again like what I used to do in the past…

I burst into tears for a few times since yesterday for no reason. Yes. Really. No reason. My mind went crazy. I have been playing the song “End of the world” on loop :) 

“I wake up in the morning and I wonder why everything's the same as it was.

I can't understand, no I can't understand, how life goes on the way it does!”

The bird & the wind

-But how can I.. - 

-"How Can I?" - asked a stranger, who walked in the garden.

-Oh, sir, you've scared me - laughed a girl with deep blue eyes, watching at the clouds passing by - This day has reminded me a tale I was retelling before u came in.

-Oh, I'm sorry, madam

-Don't worry

-May I hear it?

-Of course. So, there was once a wind, strong as mountain and kind as an elephant. And he was very lonely. But one day he met a young bird, who was trying to fly, but every time she was halfway in the sky, she kept on finding herself in the grass. 

And wind asked "darling, can't you fly?". 

"I can" - said a bird, ready to try once more. She opened her wings and made a serious jump, after few steps. She flew upper and upper with every single movement of her wings. 

And she made it to the clouds. And suddenly found herself carrying by the wind. "It's okay to have a bit of help sometimes" said a wind and smiled to the bird. They're friends from this moment.

-Isn't it a good-ending one? - asked a man, watching as the sun was going down.

-Unfortunately, I must grieve you, sir.

-What's this?

-One cloudy day, this kind wind felt sick. The bird came to him as soon as she knew her friend is ill. "How are you, dear wind?" asked a pale said bird. "I am too old, my friend. I must admit, my time has come" answered a weak and calm wind. "No.. How can you leave? But how can I.. Without you?" - cried a bird. 

"Oh, my dear bird, I know, you strong enough to do this on your own". "But-". "*coughs* No need to cry, my darling. This time I need your help". The bird raised up her head and looked on the wind. "You need to fly. As far from here as possible. And never come back. That is my first and last request". 

And bird flew. She was flying as if wind carried her with all his strength. She felt his hands, pushing her, like if he was really here. And she never came back again.

-What a tale...

-You asked me to tell it, Mr.. How's your name?

-Oh. I'm Ryan. Ryan Wind.

Source: somewhere romantic