Jealousy

Okay, admit it! I'm just a human-being, not a saint then I have enough good and bad sides of an ordinary person like others; otherwise I'd be an angel and my place would be beyond heaven, not stay on the earth to pay for karma lolz~

To be perfectly honest, I'm jealous a bit and I can scarcely congratulate her on the  success on account of luck :') you know, I don't believe that I'm worse than her at any point but getting less lucky much much.

Sorry, it's uneasy somewhat inside me, if I said to her that I was completely glad for her, it must have been the big lie I'd ever had. Truly I didn't wanna be a liar with fake words to her so I kept quiet, but trust me, partly I was really happy for her.

Through my life, I've been jaundiced of others every now and then which causes me feel upset and self-pity a bit; yet it easily comes then goes. Just like a fugitive moment exists in my mind because you often crave for something that you don't own. Human beings are the most insatiable animals on Earth, they never get content with whatever they have until lose everything. So am I naturally.

As I'm not enough then I do wish to have several other things in life that drives me melancholy in a wrong way. Jealousy might seem to be the worst side inside each people. Besides it could be the bad point for us to injure and destroy others to soothe ourselves, but it ain't as simple as we mean due to the fact that you'd never have sweet dreams at night after hurting another (in case, you still have conscience I mean)

My papa used to tell me a story about a poor women wanted to come to a luxurious ball where gathered many ladies and gentlemen. She totally hated on them with branded goods, expensive jewls in shiny cars and wished to be like them even once in her life. Afterwards, the women borrowed a pearl necklace to wear so as to join the ball. At the ball, just as well as her expectation, everybody praised her with many beautiful words and she found herself being in the most splendid moment through her life. 

Unfortunately, on the way home, she unintentionally lost the very necklace and certainly a serious calamity rushed down into her peaceful family essential for years. The result was her husband, children and herself left out of the town to hide that lady who had lent her the necklace. They gotta live on the grinding poverty line for ten years to earn enough the sum of money so that she could be back to pay the kind lady that necklace's cost.

Guess what happened in the end? After ten years, the women returned to the town to meet and pay money for the lady. With no warning, the lady gave a gasp for a while then hold the women's hands in hers and said:

"Oh my God, it was just imitative for I was afraid you would lose it then I didn't lend you a real one at that night. I'm so sorry but why didn't you ask me firstly before leaving without a word?". 

"I didn't daresay anything" - said the women

Yup, she'd been working with all her might within ten years to pay not only for the pearl necklace but also for a brilliant moment because of enviousness. it's worth a value lesson in life that papa taught me.

Speaking for myself, I'm not perfect and yes, I do have bad sides but I frankly admit it, don't deny everything not good about me. Though the best of me seems to be the right way to control my emotions. In other words, at first I envied, then I found myself having a mass of things that others ain't lucky enough to get. Because not a soul, even heaven and earth, is not perfect... how come there be someone on the planet owning everything of this world? who dares say?

I have these things and you have those...I'm happy about this point and you're happy about another...What the Gods give they quickly take away!

Everyone has their own fates because God created us on purpose, just move on the right way as His wish. I believe in previous and next incarnation. I believe in law of cause and effect; henceforth, just be a good one in any circumstance as everything has a couple sides: bright and dark ones.

*sigh* feel better, Hal? Hm...not really but don't worry. Tis bound to be over as soon as I wake up in the morning and say hello to a new day =] Easy come easy go like a wind...I often seek the bright side in any case to take this life easier than it would be. Trust me, heaps of time I'm jealous of others but eventually I can say out loud that I love myself and I don't wouldn't change places with an angel :)

Because I love my family, I love my friends and I even love the tough long period of time that I've been through to make me mature and strong like this. Although it causes me to feel so desperated and frightened occasionally that I wish I weren't born on the Earth to suffer many things because of being under an unlucky star. 

Looking back to ill-fated people lacking one of the most essential things of life, at least, God granted me ones of perfection...enough for me to feel happy in some case. 

For instance: a completed body and mind, a completed family, a completed house, a completed gorgeous childhood, completed amazing close friends and completed siblings even though I'm the only child of my parents.

Is it too good enough to complain anything, eh? lolz~ Jaundice, I'm gonna blow you away to the waste basket right off...don't prey upon my mind and turn me into a mean girl like this *shaking my head to refuse* it doesn't fit me at all.

In conclusion, I'd like to say that I do congratulate her on getting a better life than me. I'm truly happy for her with a pure mind I've ever had, sister!

Good luck and Be happy,

- Hal