Perhaps it's time to decide which the right direction for me in the future will be. Looking back the whole time and efforts I have spent in the stupid school that is leading me to nowhere with a hopeless dream, I'm under the impression that I'm punished by the fate for all the wrongdoings that I must have done in a previous incarnation.
It does not make sense if I blame my long suffering on God or destiny because what I have received by now comes from what I sowed. It's my fault and I'm ready to take it without complaining! From this point, I may live more easily...
My current inner wishes are graduating from the university to please my parents, officially applying for a job to fulfill my filial duty and becoming a nun after their decease in hopes of doing penance for the rest of my life. I won't get married to anyone and create more karma in the next life.
I'm tired. Indeed. So tired that I never want to think or dream of another better life in the future again. Keep smile and be possitive for what? While I've already comprehended what my future life will certainly hold...Nothing can change and even my parents, yes, my family - the one that I cherish and love the most. For their sake, I'm willing to give up on my life and...I did with my dream :)
I'm alive and surviving... A shell without soul!
I don't know how to continue the life in this dreadfully heavy way. Each second, each minute I breathe...I feel so weary and tasteless. Don't blame me for being to pessimistic! I choose to be in peace.
Goodbye. Me.
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