Confession :)

Just drop a few words about the dream before cramming the rest of the day for the test tomorrow.

Last night, I had another dream about Will. Again and over again. I wonder by what power or magic that he frequently seems to visit my dreams each time I have scarcely forgot him a little bit in my mind. His face, smiles and even the voice in those dreams are so true that I hardly recognize they are all illusions falling on me wrong ideas. 

Honestly I still love him and miss him although it has taken us apart for more than one year. My heart is still yelling for him. My mind still draw his smile when I put my back in the bed and close my eyes. My sensation still "misses" the feeling once he hold my hand, embraced me and let me lean my head in his arm. All of those little pieces of memory, despite very few, they mean a world to me though...'till today.

Regarding the dream last night, I discovered the place that he was staying at that time. I did my utmost to get there at any cost and as soon as I might face to face with him, damn my heart was fluttering like the very first time he had kissed me. Sadly, he did not smile at me, instead behaved indifferent and address me ruthlessly by a statement "Go away and please never step into my life again." He left later on with his friends, obviously his girlfriend too.

I was dumbfounded, stood there for a while like an idiot and then fell down on the ground, buried my face into my hand palms and broke into tears... I could remember how much the pain was. It was as terrible as the day we had been strangers to each other in reality. Well, I cried in my dream and I found out the truth that I have never been forgetting after years.

At times I reckon that I'm over it and get ready to move on with a better man. However, all is in vain. Numerous negative reasons for quitting this love are nothing compared to the only one reason: I love him. The unrequited love is not rational at all. You must have laughed at my face for this, I bet. But what's wrong with that? How many times for a lifetime might I fling myself into a trap of love and be a willing victim? I won't regret!

If I'm unable to give up on him, why should I put it down?! Well, just say. I'm not going to open email and pour out the rain of my emotions again, his stable current life is great and I'm supposed to leave him alone. I'd rather keep these things in silence because they are worth the deepest position at the bottom of my heart. 

It is also serene. For the first time in forever, I dare to assent to my true feelings instead of seeking reasons to conceal them for I'm afraid of being called an idiot or a fool by others. Yes, I love him and I cherish this requited love. Then what? :)

I don't know how long this love would last, but I won't deny it until the day I really get over it utterly. And at the present, please my heart is locked and nobody ought to knock the door!

With love,

Hal