[...]

Okie, I'm not really OK as I always pretend to be. But what should I do now? I can't let others know and put a big burden on their backs because they don't deserve to feel the same for my sake.

I'm so much sensitive and complicated. Sometimes I don't get what the hell I have been doing even if it's just stupid and insane.

Today I tried to be a good girl by going to sleep earlier than usual. However, I woke up and sat with arms clasping my knees for a long while in my bed with a blank head.

Then I cried for no reason :)))

I dunno how to describe my feelings now but it's just simple...

I'm scared

Extremely scared

Felt lost and disorient

And bloody lonely here

I don't want to call someone to confide or get emotional like this anymore once I promised myself thus.

Just me, myself and I...

Gosh! I need to fall back to sleep now. Damn it! Nights are always the ideal moments to drive me crazy and sensitive like this =)))

Honestly I'm too wrecked to control anything at the present no matter how much I force myself to do things with all my energy.

Tho I'm not happy, I just attempt to make everything brighter each day to convince myself that I'm happy. Because I'm a bad girl and I never feel enough?

MAYBE I AM BAD AT ALL.

WHATEVER.

How can I hold those fucking crazy tears dropping off the end of my nose????