Forget the past!!!

There are sweet and beautiful memories that we will never ever be able to forget for the rest of our lives. And I do always keep and bury those ones in my heart no matter how long it takes, no matter who I'm becoming and no matter what good or bad stuffs that people used to treat me.

Maybe they tend to cause me to feel ache and weep sometimes for no reason. It's like I'm sort of person who only lives for sentiments and memories belonging to the past. Is it truth that I'm running away from my present and loosing my faith to expect or dream what I will do next in the future?

I don't wanna be an old lady sitting in the corner and complaining all the time about life because I'm still too young to behave like that. However, I really feel not alright to recognize changes of people around me.

As I see them at the present, suddenly those good memories that I'd have with them flash through my mind and remind me of what we were and this is a big gap. Besides, time is slipping quickly day by day, you can't hold anything but trying to adapt and change yourself if you want to survive and feel happy about that.

There are some people I truly wish to pull it back or at least it's just forms although I dunno what I should do it for. On the other hand, there are some I never wish to meet again even by chance. Our paths are supposed to be parallel.

Even I say so, it really matters to me each time I crash one of those old moments out of the blue while walking along the same streets, reading books that have some characters like us, seeing something or someone look like the old ones, listening our favorite song on radio. Despite dropping them for a long time, I still cry myself sick over it somehow. It sounds like I've just missed something.

Actually I never feel remorse of what I've done for I reckon I've been never ever hurting anyone since I was born, I probably make people upset or something but NEVER break people's hearts I swear. Then I'm pretty sure that they have no reason to hate me or be hostile to me because I'm that one who is hurt. Why ain't I the one that hates them instead of remembering good things they did, then being in a very disturbed state of mind and crying for them? Am I stupid?

I know they meant to be just as good and kind as possible. When people mean to be good to me, I don't mind very much when they are not quite always. Whatever people do good things for me, I shall keep them inside my heart and never forget until I die. In turn, if they hurt me or tear me down, I shall try to recover and forget it as quickly as possible.

Sometimes I find myself setting my heart too much on things, so I bet there will be a great many disappointments in store for me through life next. Everything I've been getting through so far is just the start of it once I'm just at the beginning of twenties. 

People come then people go. I can see many new faces coming to my life and some old ones just left in silence and others did leave deep scars and serious pains before disappearing. Though I think I'd thank them one day for all experiences they taught me during my growing up process.

They taught me LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, FAITH, BETRAY, LIARS, PEOPLE, LESSONS, LIFE, TWO SIDES OF A PERSON, CRYING, LAUGHING, PAINS, HEART, MIND, SCARS, SORROWS, HAPPINESS,...ok everything I mean.

Okay, I'm not gonna torment my lives out by those stuffs again. Just wanna write down and let myself think more about that. Due to the fact that I turned off my cell phone, fb, yahoo, email and everything to connect with the world outside; people perhaps don't know this to find me or at least they wouldn't recognize the missing person. 

Of course I can read who are my real friends and who aren't among a bunch of friends. I know who I am in each person's heart by the 6th sense and it never fails to help me read people's minds :) 

Well, I'm just sick of dealing with the damn fake world day by day, hearing sweet words from people with no sound of soul, smiling at them for I was created to brighten their lives when they are in dark hours. They have the right to complain and talk about loads of troubles about themselves but I don't have that right. If I do so, people will think that I'm bloody melodramatic and fucking sensitive and not hallicious anymore :))

I become angelic to others so who would be angelic to me?

Sometimes I just need someone to give me a clue about myself. Am I good or bad? Did I behavior wrongly or not? Be honest to me and fix me if it's possible. True words are bitter, yet I'm fine with them.

Okay, I dunno what the heck I am writing here but....that's what I can do now. And I need to withdrawn into myself for a while before deciding my next steps. 

My own world...me, myself and I...all alone and extremely lonely in this way =)) Up to now, I will be very careful with new relationships (I mean both friendship and courtship). At the moment, it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to new relationships with strangers-getting-close. Sorry, but I don't feel things for people anymore.

Maybe I'm incapable of having a good one for my own :p Nothing lasts forever, right?!

I'm too damn tired :) Everyone has to feel this way sometimes to prove that their hearts are still beating, eh?! So don't ask me to smile away my doomed days and say "Everything is gonna be fine" again as I'm not alrite and everything is not gonna be OK even though the sun will shine again and blah blah 

Pretend? What for? Frankly, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. Whatever! I gotta live for my life, not for others.

And it's easier to be bad than good!!!

Cool it down and get better soon. Hopefully I will find out my faith on someone once more time. I need a redo and come to HCMC with a fresh and brilliant mind :D

It might be stormy now, but it can't last forever. There is no happiness without little rain. This is my life and I decide to live it :) Be myself with full of beans. I'm bound to need a break, yet it'd get over soon I promise.

Hal