Flings and relationships

today, a friend came to announce me in delight that she is celebrating her wedding at the end of this year and suddenly looked me with a compassionate feeling, i guess, when asking me "have you got bf? when is your turn?" same questions as usual from certain friends that i've not met since i can't remember, and certainly same silence along with an awkward smile for i have no idea how to answer them.

perhaps, i was destined to be single forever =)) so what should i say about this subject? i don't need an instant fling, an easy-come-and-easy-go relationship that will soon vanish like a bubble. i'd previously throw myself into those short-term hookups just because peer pressure was strong to me at that time. people got relationships, had a million stories to tell everyday we came to school, gossiped about what kind of guy we ought to pick up and yeah, even some sensitive stuff like intimacy. my mom is overly strict about sex and has a strong aversion to too-close intimacy such as touching sensitive spots in body or even a kiss =)) and this good girl has stood away from all of them so far but i did get a series of bfs to keep the pace of trend lolz~ sr for my awesome achievement ha ha

growing up a bit, i was gradually aware of those flings being just so lame, irrational and easily sticking into my little mind such false definition of love. the longest flings that i had lasted for three months when both he and i were sick of seeing each other face because i couldn't give him the ultimate intimacy that any girl might do. proudly to say that i was probably the most obedient girl at that time, but feeling uneasy to get close to someone i didn't love was the hidden reason. as far as my experience goes, it's entirely such different sense while i'm with the one that i truly love. it was like i was a bare soul sitting beside him, so bare that i didn't need to say a thing, instead, just leaning my head on his arm quielty in the cinéma and feeling completely the warmth from his body (should i go to details?) =))) how shameless of me to write these things but i wanna be honest ha ha

well, that's why i don't rush a relationship again. it's okay to be singe while one after another, my close friends' either courtship or marriage is incredibly stable, i still persistently give importance to the person that's far away from me...and if the polar star doesn't rise in my dark sky, my destiny will probably come to commitment to a permanent single life~ 

you must criticize me for being annoyingly self-opinionated, yet it's me -the girl that will definitely devote herself to something once she determined :') never give in and never regret. if she quits half way of it, it means that her heart has got too overloaded then broken. that's it!

dear besties, don't worry about me. i'm mature enough to fend for myself. it's just you all knowing how to bring the childishness out of me doesn't mean i'm careless and thoughtless. promise i will lead a good life, despite with or without a man, is that alright?

~*~*~*~

got a moon cake and a doraemon paper lantern today =)) i must take a shower, dress up for hanging out to enjoy the mid-autumn festival with mah loved ones :') gonna watch lion dances, celebrate our own festival on the beach, eat cakes and return to childhood coolah~ what a life! happy children's festival!

cheers,

- hal

ps: reports, presentations blah blah group works? not yet finished, but i'm done with it =))) i was not born to become a slave ='D