My winter

19 days until Xmas

My Xmas playlist played the song "Merry Christmas, darling" randomly....somehow it hurt me badly then my tears out of nowhere are full of my face.

Last Christmas, I listened to the very song on purpose because he was not able to be here with me during December :) I couldn't predict that was the last winter I was with him.

If he hadn't passed away, maybe my December this year would be in Paris with him. A real white Christmas with the one I love the most in the most romantic city.

But dreams are only dreams, they are like rainbows and only idiots chase them. Now I'm awake.

Still miss the feeling when he hold my hand that tight and said that I was the only sunshine in his winter.

I love him

I pray for him every night that he would have a good life in heaven, that he would be an angel as God's wish, that he would remember who I am.

I dunno why I can't stop crying each time I think of him no matter how excellent I am at pretending before others when I tell about him.

Maybe it's because my promise that I will let nobody see me crying again and I'm on the way to make it work.

And because to him, I'm merely a little princess who is so fragile and sensitive that he has to worry, protect, dry my tears away and make me happy all the time.

Hence, I don't need to hide myself before him and he's the only one :)

We're apart that's true, but I can dream and in my dreams. I'm Christmas-ing with you...I've just one wish on this Christmas Eve "I wish I were with you"...

Christmas in Paris...last year and this year...is there something different?

Had you

Lost you

As your vow, "till death do us part"

Now the only way happened.

Just like a dream...

Love,

- Hal