A gloomy Friday

To be perfectly honest, I never wanna blame anyone for this result, but what annoyed me most was that people had not really tried their best to make it work better and my teacher only passed the buck to me to shift the blame.

I swear I can't help those who don't help themselves first. Today I was not selfish or something, I did help but whatever I had done for them was just something ridiculous.

It seems to be my fault at all when I couldn't lead them to the right point, but how about them? Why didn't they try to help themselves first? They did nothing and it caused me to get involved greatly. 

I guess nobody truly understands me...

I tried to help. I tried to be good and nice. I tried to forget myself and thought of others' benefits first. I tried to put others beyond myself. I DID and I SWEAR I always want to HELP.

But this is what people have paid me back?! *smile bitterly*

Actually I wouldn't have got mad at others if they had cared and paid attention on their tasks. Because whatever they do concerns others, too....why didn't they think of others?!

I burst into a convulsive sob this afternoon for my teacher's unfair decision. And maybe because I've been suffering too many things in this society as well, I just wanna disappear for a few days or forever...

What's more, someone who I've never ever dared to imagine that he could be has done a fucking abject thing to my dad. Recently I've been unable to figure out why my dad seems upset somewhat although he pretends as if he is all right.

Now I've got it already :) felt nothing but a BIG SHOCK!!!!

Although I smile everyday, none of my real emotions are really meant to be. However, I don't want my beloved people to care or worry about me. Then the best way to convince myself and them is just laughing and playing jokes as usual.

It's been raining today since the morning...

What a gloomy Friday!

- Hal