Different worlds

I found myself being separated into three three worlds and I'm learning to adapt to them as soon as possible.

First is one for strangers and public: I'm sorta cool-headed, chill, serious one. People may feel I'm so inaccessible that nobody really wanna make any step towards me. It's like they would be bit if they dare to get near me.

It's up to my mood, sometimes I smile at strangers, come to them and talk as if we had known each other for a long time. I can manage to fire up the political atmosphere and make others feel comfortable to talk to me.

However, I also know how to freeze someone to death by my serious attitude as I've realized that if I don't act so, they won't respect for me. It's hard to become someone that is different from myself, yet I'm capable of adjusting my emo.

Another world is for my beloved people: I'm really childish, positive and optimistic in any circumstance. I have no idea how could I switch back to that very ordinary and cheap girl very easily like this. 

Courting fondling from my folks, demanding my brothers to pamper my childish manner all the time and it's easy for me to get mad at them in order to wait an apology and imploration :') 

Just because when I'm with them, I'm merely an ungrown child who needs to be protected, cared and paid much much attention so that I could feel how much they love me.

I wanna be happy and make my beloved feel happy, too. Then I often smile at them and say "I'm all right" each time someone asks me "What's wrong with you?" although there is a terrible war inside me. To be honest, I just wanna tease them, make jokes and fuck up everything to hear them blame me :p 

And the last world is for my own :) this world seems to deep a bit and the person in this world whom I'm facing doesn't look like myself at all. 

Maybe this blog is the third world for real, because I never get too many complaints and negative thoughts in those worlds above. Well, I'm shallow, cursory, talkative and active...Besides, I love animation, noisy parties and may rise in rebellion =] who knows.

Though here I am, in my own world with me-myself-and I...I am just myself, being deep and overwhelmed with instable thoughts indeed. For the sake of serenity inside me, I only need silence and music at all.

I think more and smile less...

I let my teardrops fall without holding them for there is no need to hide myself anymore. Nobody has to worry about me, nobody has to mind about this complicated little girl and nobody needs to share my pains and sorrows once they have already got enough burdens in life.

If only I could enjoy my alone time more, I would like to try living for myself once, fighting for my rights once, being selfish once, being a bitch once or even a mean girl with awful thoughts...because I'm truly not a good girl but a bad girl on the way to become a good one.

I've been through several white night of pains and turmoil and the silence is only friend that I have in this world. Sounds sad, eh?

No matter which world I'm in, I also wanna live and enjoy with all my heart. It's my decision on how I wanna run my life and that's what matters. Don't suppose I'm fake if I smile at you although I'm not happy, for once I do something to you...actually I really meant it.

- Hal