Despair

10th day of Halloween: ONE MISSED CALL

Happiness? What is it for real? Why does it always vanish each time I'm gonna catch it? Is it right that I just have the right to stand alone far away from Happiness, see and feel it...and as soon as I move toward it to touch, it'd go away?

I really wanna weep because I'm felling so bad right now that I don't wanna suffer anything more. Please, why do I have to become like this once those troubles ain't mine?

Disappointed...

Taking care of someone else from the last to the end ain't enough? I'm not afraid of caring for her or even paying more my attention to her, just like I'm lost because everything I've done is in vain.

To be honest, I've been getting not in a good mood and spending an anxious weeks to manage troubles because I DO love her and care for her. What should I do more? What should I do now?

I don't blame or get mad at her...but she drives me fall back into despair indeed. Always I'd like to put other's rights beyond mine and I do mean to make it work...Why does everything grow so awfully like this?

Or I was born under an unlucky star, then no matter how much I struggle to make everybody happy, but everything seems to happen quite the opposite in fact. 

It's like Ralph was pretty good and health in Paris, why did he love me and concern someone like me? I never get out of the brutal truth that I was the one who caused his death :) I won't forgive myself...NEVER.

Because of me...blame me on all the troubles in the world! 

Because I am a troublemaker...

This month is pretty tough to me, always like that. Perhaps, I'd better keep stay away from people as far as possible. It hurts me each time I see someone around me feel uneasy or painful, I'm sensitive enough to get the same feeling...and I can cry with others.

God, please answer me! Give me an advice what I have to do to make others happy. It's all right if my heart is ache because I know how to recover it, though the pain seeing my beloved people get hurt is unbearable...

Is there somebody out there to save my soul?

~~~

Willian has got broken his leg :) I shouldn't care but I want to...it's good because he's got out of my world already. Nobody ought to concern me anymore! He's lucky and he needs to meet someone else lucky as well. Trust me, he deserves to get Happiness ='p as he's always a good man. Get better soon, my chubby bear!

.

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I've pushed him far enough to keep him safe...and keep my heart safe!

Please...let me feel peaceful tomorrow, just one day ^^~ 

I need to feel happy at least once in year...Dear heart and life, give me a complete birthday :)

Wish me luck,

- Hal