Breaking my faith

is it true that nobody in the world is trustworthy? that i shouldn't believe in anyone completely 100 percents? that i gotta doubt others all the time?

someone told me "the closest one to you is the most dangerous enemy, then you shouldn't open your heart too much because there is a limit to everything. even me, i'll maybe betray you someday"

and it happened for real, that girl who used to warn me did betray me because of a guy. 

people are changing every minute, you  before and after one minute are properly different so i couldn't ask someone to be perfect while i'm not. 

but is there someone for me to trust wholeheartedly? someone to love, someone to lean on and to put all my happiness into the one's hand? 

friends?

lovers?

husband?

they could turn their backs on me right off if i touch their interests, if i grow less attractive to them. anytime they could betray my faith and the reason others love you is you are useful or have something good to get.

i'd be sorta person who easily trusted another much. then i really hated ones telling me lies. it's like a natural rule, when your faith's betrayed so many times, you will loose it sooner or later.

promises are always very precious to me, i never wanna make promises if i can't keep. once i do, i shall try to make it work at any rate. but people are not the same no matter how much i expect them to change.

yes, easier said than done...easier made up stories to fool others than told the truth! and people prefer lies to truth, they truly wanna be dreamers because this crazy world is cruel and terrible enough.

i was disappointed but not in shocked as this is not the first time i have been betrayed. there are so many times, so many people crack my faith. i'm blank as if i've lost my faith for a long time already :)

she was good at pretending as if she considered me her real friend. everything i told her was real and hers was fake, just to take advantage of me and to make me fail because she confessed that she had envied me.

why? is there something in me good enough to feel jealous? i'm not good at all. i have nothing and i've been leading a strenuous life, it's worse than what i always show others. my smiles are probably unreal, yet my sorrows are real.

i couldn't get it! though i suppose up to now, apart from my real ones, i won't believe in others anymore. my faith has gone...it'd never come back. 

well, i said i forgave...but please don't force me to feel as perfect as the way i used to do. anyway, i  will definitely treat her nicely as much as i can, but it's not complete anymore.

sorry!

In love and friendship, the Scorpio woman is true-blue loyal and will expect the same from you. If you show her the slightest reason to distrust you, however, she will never forgive you. On the other hand, treat her well and she will reward you for the rest of your life

- Hal