Not to be a traditional bride

Deeply influenced by the notion of Asian tradition, I was raised to be an ideal woman with the four attributes: industry, appearance, speech and behavior as coming to my future in-laws. Most of Asian women, including my mother and further past generations, have a tendency to praise the role of husband as the powerful Lord taking control of the family and serve the in-laws as if you are officially “sold” to devote not only your youth but also the rest of your life to both the in-laws and your own little family. 

It means that you have to work all daytime in society like other men and in the nightfall, you must also be responsible for cooking the dinner, washing dishes, doing household, taking care of the children, husband and his parents. The interminable routine will haunt your life until the last breath and you will find yourself getting more and more despondent which potentially culminates in another devastating drama – your husband’s mistress.

Through countless cases of broken marriage in reality, I have learned that the whole life of Asian women has still been bound by the outdated and unequal concept for centuries but none of us dares to stand up and make a campaign for new era of feminism. Given that Western and American women are indeed strong and independent enough to take the wheel of their lives better than Asian ones, this causes me to have a sudden impulse to change and choose happiness instead of remaining in a rut. 

Speaking of my case, I am such a typical daddy’s little girl in family due to being the only child. Neither father nor mother asks me to do anything at home, from cooking to do the chores. Others often suppose that my parents overindulge me without the least idea that I would probably soon get spoilt and useless when live with in-laws.

My parents fully comprehend the fact indeed but also believe that their little girl is more precious than she seems to be. She is actually a good chef, quite capable of handling everything and taking care of herself pretty well. Though it is solely for the purpose of self-reliance and happiness on her own, and she did prove it during the first difficult time away from home for a couple years in Saigon. 

Yup, I really can manage to deal with various kinds of the chores if get engaged in a new life with in-laws, but don’t ever think for one second I shall become a traditional devoted woman who is more than willing to sacrifice herself, serve her in-laws as a housemaid and rot there. In my opinion, family is a combination of unconditional love and harmony among family members. If we truly concern and love one another, we may share the chores and make it work together rather than depending on only one person and taking it for granted that it is her duty. 

Most of husband after a long day at work give themselves the right to rest on a couch, reading newspapers or watching TV while awaiting the ready-made meals. Meanwhile, their wives also carry the same tiresome and exhausting day, though they must prepare for a dinner as soon as get home and spent the rest day doing the chores continuously without any help from their men – yes, the men who are said to love those women and wished to bring happiness to them. So, is this happiness? Or just a commitment under the cover of a hell on Earth?

Someday in the future, whether or not I would get married and step in a marriage life, I always still choose to be happy. I do not let the war with in-laws erode my marriage and let no man rule my life in a false direction either. The point is how to make it easy and feel free to live. Live the way that makes me happy, not the way that the vast majority follows and expects from you. Difference is not weird, it is the way you define yourself and decide the quality of your life. :)

I believe what comes from heart goes to heart. It is not easy to build a bridge to someone’s heart and make things in order once you live with in-laws, yet try balancing and achieve harmony in your new family. There comes peace and happiness! My parents brought me up to marry their little girl to a man ensuring her tranquil and happiness, not for slaving in distress :) If I gulp back my tears for those strangers, it will disappoint my parents’ expectation. That’s why once I know what the best for me, I choose it and go for it!

This is the modern period, why are we dwelling in the past? Break with tradition and live differently! It is your life and no one can live for you.

Be happy,

xoxo

Hallie