Study or Funny?

I swear I just wish to come to Swiss asap because I can't stand any more second here, stucked with the fucking damn education system.

So patently do I acknowledge that Western World would be a road strewn with pitfalls and if I want to survive there, there are a bunch of troubles and obstacles I must learn how to deal with it, fighting in the last ditch and keep my feet no matter what.

Dear Lord, I swear...

I'd rather pitch in books over fifteen hours per day to study than do something called "ridiculous homework" like this.

I'd rather be educated by strict professors than have no right to speak to teachers here due to the fact that "Teachers are always correct, don't try to fix them. Otherwises, your marks would be down for the whole term because of this flaws."

I'd rather be surrounded by a rush environment that I always have to keep pace up with others and attempt to learn and listen to many different ideas from others than be stared as if I were a weirdo because I raise my hand heaps while they are totally quiet at class.

I'd rather be at the bottom of a good school than keep head of a mediocre one.

I'd rather stand at an average spot than win a victory that I'm even not proud of.

I'd rather be born in a tough way to get stronger and adapt so that one day I won't have to regret for whatever I've been through than be covered by little good and happy box which causes me to get under the illusion that I'm the best while I'm just a big zero in fact.

I'd rather work with people who are in want of studying than deal with people who only want to depend on the best one and get the marks that they don't even deserve. In fact, I despie nobody but those who never intend to study as much as their abilities could be and just blame everything for circumstances and reasons and explanations. I do hate it.

I worry my descendants would be doomed to repeart this way. Yup, I'm afraid of letting them suffer everything this way - the terrible one that I'm routintely tortured by my so-clear-and-bright head.

If only my head were clouded by this dark system sooner, I'd have been willing to accept it as my fate without complains or bitter words like these.

Unfortunately, I'm not that kind of person. My sky is absolutely somewhere not this place :) 

Sorry, I don't put myself at the mercy of something called "destiny". My ambition is powerful enough to swallow myself and the attitude of loving the destiny that God granted me seems to be the greatest lie I've ever told. 

Because the monster of rage inside me is growing more each day...

Because I do treasure this diary and I want to be perfectly honest here...

Because I don't want to lie about my feelings for the real life I'm facing...

Because I'm dying to land in Swiss...

I know that the climate is extremely harsh (hardly higher than 0*) and everything is not what it seems. Whatever happens, I swear I would stand firmly and fight 'till the end as long as it's worth...

You were right, James! Good things are worth waiting for. 

I'm waiting...the very big day of my life, the lovely moment when I would be able to get out all of them :')

Sorry for going ballistic that much =))) I'm precisely over my head and losing my control to hold these fucking bitter words lolz~

Nice weekend,

Hal

PS: Maman, Papa...if you both understand all of these thoughts and what your little daughter has been suffering, it would hurt your feelings and you would blame on yourself for everything. That's why I never want to let you know, just please taking my day-by-day smiles for granted that I'm still happy and contend with the life you've arranged :) Thanks for having me, it's the best thing and you shouldn't feel guitly about anything. You both are always the best ones in my heart, I promise.