Fear of loss

Last night, my aunt was brought to hospital to make a surgery because of a heart attack. Due to the fact that she's an old spinster with no husband and children, so the responsibilities of custodial aunt belong to such a niece like me.

Although she always complains and scolds me about everything all the time, I'm sure that she only wants the best things to us - her beloved nieces and nephews.

All of her life is dedicated to charity funds and social organizations. Sometimes I wonder why she doesn't wanna get married and take an ordinary life as others :'( 

Looking her so lonesome in such circumstances like these, my heart sinks and is full with fear of loss. I'm really scared each time I heard that my beloved people are in danger because I don't wanna lose anyone else.

In fact, I used to be available as my English teacher was being buried. I nearly felt faint for crying so much that others thought I was her close relative while I was just her three-month student. 

I really hate hospital as each time I set my foot in, there is something from my memory reminding and I'd be wrapped by fright and madness. 

Well, I'd lose my bf in his sickbed at a hospital in French. Since his death, I've lost my soul and the meaning of life up to this time and it always scares my hell out each time I think of losing someone else, eps my beloved parents - the last reasons for me to carry this fucking life.

God, please save her and let her stay with us longer. I'm praying her heart would get better soon because I love her as my godmother. Don't do it again as the way you took him from me, God.

Why do good people always have to meet bad luck in life? Dear Lod, what would you think when you create this world?

Bless her,

Hal