Yesterday, a close friend spent for hours to confide in me all of her emotional problems, depression and even her willing to commit the suicide. None of my advice or my encouragement mattered to her but just being a good listener beside her.
To the whole world out there, she is always regarded as an optimistic, independent, strong, positive, cheerful and smiling girl who never seems upset. It is the image she chooses to show to the world but when it comes to the inner emotional issues, she cannot find anyone to pour them out, bare her naked soul and be honest to her own feelings. Perhaps she must feel ashamed of herself and it potentially can break her impeccable image on the surface.
When we were young, our personal characteristics were quite different. Different from our definitions of the world “independence”.
She figured that nowadays the world has changed, the role of man and woman should be balanced. Women needs to be respected and admired by men. That’s why she also wanted to prove that what a man can do, a woman can do too and even can do better. She was very confident in what she was doing and showing to the world. She was very successful in her career path, high salary, high position and her network grew very fast. Until now, she is still one of the most hard-working and confident friends I have ever known.
For me, however, I always believe that each gender was born on the planet has different missions to complete. When I was young, I was always dependent on others and I certainly helped others if possible. People was wondering why I always had a lot of friends and even strangers being more than willing to help me all the time, it was juts because I also helped a lot of others before. I do believe in karma – giving and receiving. I was regarded as such an emotional, weak, useless and dependent girl but it didn’t cause me to feel bad or something wrong about my character since I was just honest to myself.
I would look for helps when needed and also give out of what I had when someone needed me, I didn’t try to be independent and was not so afraid to ask for a favour others. Human-beings were born with their different missions to fulfill their roles on the planet: you can ask a barber to cut your hair, you can ask a composer for a nice song to enjoy, you can ask an intelligent friend to tutor you Math and Chemistry, you can ask a friend who has a bicycle to pick you up,…it makes sense unless you want to give anyone the chance to use their good functions and values to contribute to this world just because you wanted to become independent and were capable of doing everything by yourself.
Men are stronger, more logical and ambitious to pursuit something bigger and higher. Women are weaker, more emotional and peaceful to keep the fire and become a safe haven for men after all. There is nothing wrong for women to depend on their men physically and men to depend on their women mentally. That’s how gender equality should be. It’s not because men deliver visible values and women deliver invisible values, it means men should be respected while women shouldn’t. And it doesn’t mean women in order to be respected must prove their values physically by going out, building houses and supporting financially to protect the term “gender equality”.
From those reasons, there are two different types of “independence”: physically and mentally.
As men are for physical due to their body sizes, strength and logical mind to handle and solve problems, their roles are suitable for women to lean on and be dependent and protected.
As women are more for mentally due to their emotions, empathy, weakness and kindness to use their heart to heal any mental pains, bring peace and love to others, their roles are suitable for men to be recovered from soul and mind.
Owing to these theories, men need a firm stuff and women need a full heart of love.
When a woman is busy at pursuing her physical dream, her inner self would lack for emotions, feelings and self-love which are supposed to be the most important things to herself.
When a man focus so deeply on his emotions, feelings and self-love, he would become useless and unable to achieve anything bigger out there. I rarely could found a man in his emotional issues for too long, doing nothing, he’d rather spend his time on working hard or playing something to get his mind away, or analyze the issues and find out the way to handle, than just sit down and moan about his emotions.
The reason why the idea of suicide never really comes across my mind even I was in the worst situation like no hope at all is honest to myself. When I’m happy I smile…when I’m upset I either cry or keep quiet and blank depending on where and with whom I am at that time, but no matter what I will definitely express my feelings, cherish them in many ways. Either I choose to confide in a close friend, or I write down all of my anger, complaints, emotions, feelings in this blog, or I just cry then sleep well.
As a girl, I have rights to depend on my man but never put my emotions into someone else’s hand because I am mentally independent. Others can support me visible values, none of them can really solve my emotional issues though. When you depend your emotions on someone, you would always need them to be there for you, listen to your stories but their advice seems to be nothing to you unless you want to save yourself first. They can give you all the materials they have but they are not a saint to give you a medicine to heal your inner self. Only you-yourself have that kind of ability to recover as long as you love yourself enough. Otherwise, it is also difficult for others to love you like the way you treat yourself.
You know, I never care how others would judge me as a weak, fragile, cry-baby and any nickname that they would like to tag me, I am just honest to myself because I love myself much more than what they see. I don’t need to prove how good I am, don’t need to create an image since I’m not in showbiz, don’t need to cover my feelings to be “professional”. If I don’t like something, I keep quiet and turn away. If I’m happy, I will make jokes, laugh and bring good energy to all the environment that I’m in. That’s why it’s quite easy for me to get recovered and bounce back pretty quickly after shot-termed depression.
Life is tough but also interesting. It never closes all your doors unless you choose to close your eyes and only see the death as your only way.
Yes, I’m such a dependent girl and I’m okay with it, but I’m confident to say my emotions and feelings are fully independent from others just because I love myself enough and always commit to be honest with it.
Love,
Hal-
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