Tell me whom to love?

Sometimes I feel so damn heavy to talk to my friends about him. Most of them do not like him because he broke my heart and treated me badly in the past. I cried and got drunk with them, getting crazy and silly like a fool for a long time due to the vague relationship.

They saw me getting tired and exhausted with negative thoughts. Hence, they do not expect to see me fall for him once more time for there is no belief in their minds anymore. 

I love my friends, knowing that they do care for me and kinda fear if I would get hurt again by the same reasons from the same person. However, I exactly understand what it is.

Well, I trust him. At least, I hope they will let me follow my heart this time since people can change. Especially, he is not that bad. Once he cheated on me, it does not mean he would always turn that evil way.

I hate to argue with my friends over this story all the time. Why don't they think that I'm mature enough to identify my real love? Furthermore, it is me who chooses to pursue my own happiness. Not any one else. They may give me advice and support, but please to order me to do one thing :| They are not my parents!

Yup, I also feel extremely insecure when I decided to carry on this relationship. To specify it, it is going to be another wait.

I'm really tired and hurt.

It can't be worse.

I want to talk to them. I want to share my current feelings that how much I'm happy while thinking of him. I want laugh with them. I want to tell about him as much as the way they do about their lovers. I want to smile and be happy. 

Why don't they let me do it?

How about my advice for them to break up? Has anyone ever followed my thoughts like the way they are forcing me to do? They could do as their wishes, yet I must do as other's wish. Is it fair?!

I'm a human-being. Not a puppet for them to tell me whom to love.

:))

Whatever. I'm done.