Confusing emotion

I can't stop thinking about the unexpected kiss from him on that night. These recent nights, it seems to be white nights to me because I hardly push my mixed thoughts and feelings away from my mind. The sensation of the kiss is still sticking on my mind all the night so tight that I am under the impression like everything just happened yesterday. It was too sweet and as clear as the sunshine to refuse the moment.

However, does it also mean the same to him? 

Sometimes I think it was merely such a playful kiss that he teased me on purpose. If he loves me that much, he would definitely show me how the kiss should be and tell me more about our story instead of keeping silence and pretending like nothing serious occurred between us. I doubt his behaviors, even the touch of his hand and the kiss because he seems pretty untroubled to make them clear to me as seeing me so fucking confused and awkward these days.

He certainly learns to see through me and is capable of speaking my intention out loud before I ask him to do. On the contrary, I have no clue about what the hell is on his mind that drives me crazy sometimes because I guess I only behave like a fool in front of his face. Confidence almost has gone each time I think of him and make a little comparison between me and other girls beside him.

I'm confused and filled with fears. If only he could be here, hold my hand and tell me not to worry about it because the kiss was real. It is probably normal to him since the kiss was not the first time of him during years in USA, sure enough; yet it was truly my first time so it means a lot to me. It would be very cruel of him if what he did to me that night was just for fun. To make it worse, that was simply a test to see whether or not my love for him is true.

Then I delivered him my sign. Needless to get the sign from me, I believe that he might have got the message of my heart for a long time...

What about him since he already knew the answer? 

Why does he let me thinking all the time about it like this?

Has he ever cared if I'm really all right after the moment?

Who am I in his heart? Does he love me? What does the kiss mean?

I wish him to answer me each question above to make them clear to me...I'm sick of guessing through the days and nights like an idiot while he still neglects my feelings. 

Safe and sound?! Would he able to make me feel it once more time? What I am feeling at the moment about him is just insecure and silence, why?

Apparently I ought to consider about the thing no more. I am confused, and he does not mind at all.

Is this guy worth my deep concern any more?

:)

Love,

xoxo

Hal