Monday. 23rd. Rainy day.

Today is 23rd and it’s raining outside the window…

There is one more week until the day I begin my summer time in HCMC with my friends who have already returned to Vietnam since early in June. However, the excitement of coming to the city is no longer dwelling in me for some unknown reasons. At times, I came to the idea of spending the whole summer in my hometown with my parents although it would be pretty boring and quite tiring to stay at home all day, watch some favourite dramas or TV series, learn French and become so damn quiet which potentially resulted in my mental health.

To be perfectly honest, I am afraid of visiting the city again and being so aware of the absence of Willian because it has just taken us one year since I encountered and had great times with him during last summer. This year, summer turns out exceedingly meaningless to me as the reason I come to the city is never for someone I love. I do not deny that I am sensitive and weak which bothers my heart and mind so much that sometimes I wish I could pull the foolish heart out of my chest and throw it away.

In current time, I have rarely mentioned his name or recall any kind of memories between us to my friends. Instead, I always show them a strong and determined girl who has already left the past behind and moved on this life so easily without the man. Sadly, inside the story is an opposite me being desperate and longing continuously his reappearance regardless of how many times I tell myself to give up on him. The heart has its reasons that reason ignores!

Just say…it cannot be clearer that we would never able to get back to love once I lost faith in him long time ago. Don’t ask me how to rebuild it after everything because it is too late to turn back. Trust is like a paper, you know, once it is crumbled it can’t be perfect again.

I love him and miss him every single day, every hour and every second as the way I have been doing right at the moment. Yet it should merely come to this far and I believe this boundary will keep me secure, at least from unexpected agonies in the future, especially to such an emotion-driven and overwhelmed girl like me. I would rather cease this relationship here than have blind faith in the man that would not offer a blissful marriage as I always dream.

How bitter to love someone this much but always force yourself to forget!

*sigh*

Anyway, my friends would kill me if I dare to cancel the trip to HCMC. Perhaps I’m about to shorten my days there and be back as soon as possible.

If we are indeed destined, could I happen to see his smiling face again in the city? Let only me see him happily once, then I would feel relieved and blessed for him, too. Please!

Sorry for this wet mood today. Blame it for the weatherman and the day of 23nd *frown*

Monday. 23rd. Rainy day.

Dammnit! Three disgusting things in a day =.=

Hal