29/01/14

 

As lunar new year is approaching, I'm supposed to be delighted and excited to renew and refresh for hoping the upcoming year would become successful and gleeful with a myriad things go according. Sadly, I have no mood for this special traditional occasion and appear such an autistic kid beneath others' eyes, particularly my parents and friends since I refused to open my mouth to talk or complain about something.

 

Well, I'm trying to get through the tough time because I have not yet been over Mike's death. I started to withdraw into myself and think about life, friends, family and rules to survive.

It's unbearable to hear some clichéd and phony words from people when figuring out his death. They liked status regarding his death on Facebook as if it was something interesting, and some so-called friends consoled me with the thought that it was his destiny, so I should let things go naturally and easily because all of the grieves I'm carrying didn't make sense to them. They don't put themselves into my shoes, or it's quite normal to them as hearing someone die?!

 

I'm sorry for being so much sensitive and wearing a melancholy face during this time even though the merriest holiday of year is around. But I'm still a human-being, more than that...I'm a girl.

 

Life is short and it dramatically changes a little bit day by day. I have no clues how to remain the good things and nice people around me, but I've learned to prepare and accept the worst may come in order to prevent myself from getting shock for unpredictable breakdowns.

 

People must die, in the figurative or literal sense :) The old me also died and left here such another me, still this Hallie but in a harder shell and tougher core.

 

I'm tired of letting the hot tears welled into myself each time I think of him. However, it's all right to be who I really am while writing these words because there is nobody here to judge me in the blog.

 

:)

 

Peace.

 

~ Hal

PS: Dear Mike, I'm singing you the song "Tong Hua" :) Remember it? Would you hear my voice? Ain't I always to you the best singer who can sing Chinese, Thailand, Korean, Japanese, French, English, Spanish songs? Want to ask me sing any of them? I promise I won't refuse you again :( Nobody would sing me "Tong Hua" because there is no you for me again...