I'm mature

Woah! It startled me to find myself saying the word "mature" for the first time over the passing twenty years because I loved the idea of remaining my youth by keeping positive thoughts as a child whenever something came to bother me. I think it worked so well that after the troubles had gone, I plainly let them go and only kept what had genuinely caused the bright smiles on me.

 

However, I'm ultimately aware of the significance of valuable lessons that life enlightens me how the past defines who I am nowadays. I learned to forgive but not to forget, although sometimes it just reminds me of how terribly people used to deliberately mistreat me. Those people whom I put great faith in and delivered my tolerance so quickly and easily should have deserved only shitty things. But I didn't want to turn my back on them, instead I chose to condone and give them a second chance which turned out to be the next brutal hit back lolz~ Bloody hell! How stupid of me! :')

 

I'm growing up...certainly my mind is getting mature for good as well. These days, I started to stop caring about what people would think about me, whether or not their attitudes are good and how unjustified of them to give me crap while I'm actually worth diamond haha just kidding! What I suppose moral standard to me might not resemble to them. It's their decision about how their quality of lives would become, then I don't bother to criticize them for their lifestyle or perception just because it's not what I prefer.

 

And if someone means to upset or disturb me? Sorry, wrong number!!! I'm no longer that weak and easy-to-attack little girl whom they once knew. I don't deign to let those evil purposes affect me any inch of my mind. And my fervour must not be wasted for unworthy people. What I'm aiming to achieve is a stable source of joy and happiness coming from ones who earn my trust and respect. Well, I'm ready to remove anyone out of my life anytime I fell that my life is better off with that person and surprisingly, I'm taking full control over my life which used to drift on account of others.

 

The problem is that I gave away my kindness to people who treated it as if it was such a great a limitless source to take advantage of, a facile object to take then throw away :)) People have a tendency to not treasure what comes so easily like that, don't they?!

 

The fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. These permanent scars would enable us grow up, aware of the dark side of life and conceive the mindset of self-defense more strongly than ever. It will be a great pity, for it will alter you. Well, even in a good way, but your innocence and actual emotions have already gone.

 

Anyway, I should get rid of negative emotions and stay at a balanced mood state at the age of 21, the time that I'm supposed to behave like an adult with serious thoughts regardless of my unwanted mindset. There is no point of being bothered by someone because if I do, they will win. A better strategy is to enjoy the good part of life served on my plate and never lower my value down for people whose intention is just to make me less beautiful :) Life is unfair? Make it fair for yourself, Hal!!

 

Good luck, babe!

 

xoxo

 

Hal