At times, I decided to shut down this blog and create a new one to make something fresh as changes for me but I finally casted the idea away. This blog has been my dearest invisible friend for years that would keep all the ups and downs in my previous life. From tears, fear, shame to happiness, sorrows. These must be the best also the worst memories carrying with me since I was that innocent little lady.
You know, I am no longer the old me – that dreamy girl who would spend hours looking at the sky, elbows on the windowsill, thinking about the Europe where there are endless green fields of flowers, cool air getting through my hair giving such a sense of paradise, where there are imposing mountains and impressive deep blue lakes that I could stand motionlessly and gaze at them to let myself immersed in the beauty of nature, where there are ancient buildings across the streets I could find myself travel to the past to which my soul always belong, as I said, I must have been born in the wrong era, where the weather is so damn freezing that I need to put on thick coats to keep warm. Yay, warmth is my favourite!
The little dreamy girl is not here anymore, but instead there is a strong and mature lady who would put her efforts to make her dreams come true. She chose an inappropriate job to work and has been completed her probationary period. She keeps dealing with this tedious life without complaining because she is certain that this job and what she is doing will help her to carry on the plan to Europe. She learns how to accept what she doesn’t really love and how to treasure the present so that she may find the genuine happiness in life, in any period that she is.
She talks less but thinks more. The friend zone is limited because her time for herself is shortened too. Sometimes she finds herself in the middle of nowhere and too lonesome to bear it even though she has her boyfriend and family beside her all the time. Perhaps she has lost the value of time and unintentionally fallen into the rough circle that everybody is following. Working, going home, having dinner, sleeping and starting another the same day. Life is nothing but the same routine daily.
She used to have fun with friends, real friends at parties but at the end of the day, she was still herself lonesome in the bedroom pouring down the thoughts on this blog because there would be nobody understanding or at least trying to know her, otherwise she didn’t want to show herself either. Becoming dramatic, so sensitive, weak, fragile and not halicious in front of others is such a shame to her. Yes, she was stubborn and incomprehensible!
This girl at the present is still childish, clumsy and sensitive, but stronger than ever. Sometimes she may weep or burst into tears over such a trivial or worthless issue, and then she is recovered soon. She has learnt how to forgive and forget quickly so as to let her mind clear and free from rubbish.
She accepts herself as who she is because nobody is going to love her more than she does. She keeps doing the things that seem right to her and never means to give in unless it reaches to the limit of her endurance. She believes that someday she will be happy in making her dreams come true.
Instead of indulging in illusions, let make them lucid dreams in reality!
…
I have no idea what the future may hold but deep down inside, I still believe in the magic coming from ultimate faith in oneself.
Love,
Hal
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