It feels like I have been being entirely isolated from the world outside for a few days – three days lasted ponderously as if I was undergoing such a great exile from society. Things surrounding me somehow became pretty ugly and annoying which easily caused me to get pissed off at anyone. Hic I am sorry for being so disgusting…
There are some issues I must write right now after those awful days. Obviously my dear laptop is still in troubles and sent to bro.Huy fixing it, but this laptop borrowed from another one is bringing me back to this world again =))
Firstly, I decided to move out some so-called friends with whom I had previously tried to be nice despite myself because there is a limit for each person, and to me, it went overboard. Last Friday night, my tears again fell down for friend issues after years. Back then, I would promise myself not to let emotions invade the whole parts of me, turn me into a weak mark beneath others’ eyes because the hidden reasons were not worthwhile at all. Had they been true friends and seriously paid much regard for the sensation of me, they would not have meant to upset me or damage all the good things between us in a blink. Otherwise, they never sincerely appear as real friends to me right from the beginning. If so, there is no need to maintain my kindness to them more since I was not born to be a saint.
Born as a Scorpion, I was honorably granted a possibility of seeing through others’ substances very well. Their souls are likely naked before me and the matter is whether or not I would like to expose them in public and mark the shame on them lasting endless which would equally haunt in every nightmare until their remorse is approval by me. Fortunately there is no cruelty in my nature, thus I merely stand still, observe their attitude towards me and attempt to keep the nice atmosphere at most. However, when things turn so wrong and go beyond my endurance, I will explode all the shitty thoughts in me on them for once and ever because this means their appearances on the Earth to me will be invisible for time life.
To remain my anger and sorrow for their sake is akin to the fact that my concern and respect stay still, though once I do not bother to spill it out and take their existence as nothing…hence, they got the end of line from me :)
Personally, I assume that emotion is my priority at the presence. I respect my feelings and love myself more because I had been wasting much time and kindness for mean so-called friends so long while receive good deeds from none of them. I suppressed my anger to remain in harmony with them, treated them nicely and was willing to hang out with them just because I was all alone. How ignorant of me to mistreat myself in that way! I neglected what made truly me laugh in delight, instead ran into boring people to save my life when I had no one to talk. Precisely, I seemed to accept any call to hang out even though my gut already told me the person would ruin my day by all means. My sole reason is loneliness which probably walks me down to false paths now and then by expanding acquaintanceship without selection cautiously. Yes, I was wrong!
Anyway, later than never, I have undergone a complete change thanks to external influence. I learned how to stand firmly again after stumbling and breakdowns, keep my chin up and move forwards whatsoever happens due to my great unstoppable self-esteem. I am also committed to myself and I love spending time on my own because it is super tiring to please and be around with someone I dislike at all. What’s sad about being alone? I would rather make the best of my leisure wisely than waste it with fleeting acquaintances or so-called friends. Honestly, I do not possess too many friends, just a few friends but enough to make me proud of myself. Sometimes we quarrel and abuse on each other, though this only makes us closer and understand our personalities more. Well, apart from them, things just go naturally like people come then leave.
I comprehend this rule so well that it no longer amazes and hurts me like formerly. Given that life is complicated enough, I should make it easy and love myself more. People are leading different lives and so am I. Why must I put others’ rights beyond mine while it’s me - constantly the victim after all? Now, again, I am not a saint so let me be a human. Don’t demand my tolerance if you deliberately wounded my affection because things would never be the same again.
In my life, I prefer thanks to apologies :) Hope you all get it!
With love,
xoxo
Hallie
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