Well, I don’t wanna start my very first post of the year with something negative like this but I think I must be honest to myself first before switching my mood into “sunshine and rainbows” mode.
I really miss the old me who could spend hours on this blog to write about anything I want in English, don’t hesitate to show the whole world who I am and feel safe even to be alone.
When I decided to write for others to read instead of just jogging down whatever it is coming on my mind, I started to become very careful of what I say, of what kind of words I should use in order not to let anyone misunderstand me. It was really frustrating to me.
My grandparents are in the hospital now for their bad health conditions. Besides, there are more and more people on the social media pouring their negative energy on me which caused me quite overwhelmed. Last night, my emotions were exploded into tears for unknown reasons.
No one let me down. No one disturbed me. I just let myself cry and cry since forever. Maybe I missed my husband a lot. Maybe I just felt not alright to be lonely for so long, more than one year since the date he came back to Singapore. Sometimes what I really need is his presence here, not his finance that he supports me monthly and tries to make me safe and sound without considering anything about expenses and other things.
Yeah the materials are sufficient and more than enough for me to do all the things and lead a happy life with my biological parents here in this hometown. I possess all the good conditions that this precious life could have granted me – from the super hubby, the finance, my beloved parents to good foods, nice nature and such a comfortable apartment.
But somehow there is still something in me that makes me feel not one hundred precents fulfilled – maybe it’s the presence of my hubby. So yes, I deactivated my facebook account for a period of time and learn how to balance my emotions first. Of course I also have the plan to cut off the time on social media, concentrating more on studying Chinese and French in this year.
English! This beloved language is always the best way for me to express my feelings :’) I just need a little more time to get back to who I was of the old days soon.
I miss you all,
Hal
Aucun commentaire:
Enregistrer un commentaire